|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
12 October 2019
|Spiralling to Disaster
Clearly most of ‘the people’ are collectively living in some sort of ignorant,
insane, idiotic parallel universe. And how do we know this? With all the truly
frightening warnings from economists, experts and the FT about Brexit - they
have specifically chosen not to acknowledge any.
Arghhhh! Does make you wonder how 83 percent polled could be brain-dead. I
know, I know, that is presuming they ever had one. That pathetic 83 percent in a
Comres poll for the Telegraph would blame parliament if there was a Brexit
extension. While 56 percent of voters would blame Al, 63 percent would blame
the European Commission. A pity any reality check would be pointless since
obviously the 83+63 percent have absolutely no idea how a parliamentary
democracy works. Oh. And ever hear of that little island called Ireland? Oh right.
Boris has just been informed and he has a plan. Right.
OK. OK. Reality check regardless. The Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS), a
leading economic think tank, warns that even a “relatively benign” no-deal Brexit
the Brexiteers are baying for could see government borrowing spiralling to
£100bn while debt would climb to almost 90% of national income - not seen
since the mid-1960s. And then the dreaded word, although clearly not for the
Tories – austerrrrityyyy!!! Intensified, increased, inevitable. Brilliant.
Oh yes there is more inspiration. Analysis by Citi bank for the IFS calculated UK
national income was already between £55bn and £66bn lower than it would have
been if the country had voted Remain in the 2016 EU referendum. Well, we did
IFS director Paul Johnson said: “You could well be on an upward spiral of debt
and deficit – and in a world in which we have to go through another period of
austerity to undo it. The government is now adrift without any effective fiscal
anchor.” But they have all those billions to spend inspired by Labour: healthcare,
schools, police, ad inf…!
Need some good news after falling on the floor in despair? According to
YouGov, 204 out of 226 polls since 2017 have Remain ahead! Really? Really!
Just seven for Leave and 15 for the ties. 53 vs 47 to date. Smiling!
Right Under Your Nose
More spiralling. Coke. It’s all that coke. 850,000 of Brits are doing coke each
year. Londoners are doing 23kg a day. Daily cocaine market is worth an
estimated £2.75 million and £1billion a year. Really. Deterrents? None. Even
Danniella Westbrook or organised crime’s involvement; knife and gun crime,
murder, hit men, human trafficking, paedophilia, etc.
According to the charity DrugScope, there are around 180,000 dependent users
of crack cocaine in England, and nearly 700,000 people aged 16-59 are
estimated to take cocaine every year in Britain. Coke use in the UK is now so
common, traces of it have contaminated the drinking water supply and this even
after intensive purification treatments. So not just up your nose then.
“We have the near highest level of cocaine use in western Europe.” Twice the
use of Barcelona, Amsterdam and Berlin – combined! Blimey! In London, use is
daily, not a weekend high. Evidently London has reached saturation point.
Provincial towns are now the objective of gangs.
It has also been getting cheaper and cheaper at the same time as its use has
been going up. And the inevitable: delivery or ‘Uberisation’ as users order their
hit by smartphone. And the inevitable: competition on who is faster in delivery.
The WAG War
Oh yes, the WAG war. At least a distraction. Rebekah has cried and cut her
family holiday short in Dubai, threatened Coleen with legal action over
allegations of leaking staged Instagram stories, warning her: “Believe me or I'll
see you in court.” As you well know surely, Coleen released that social media
statement directed specifically at Rebekah in which she revealed she had set up
an elaborate sting on Instagram to 'catch' who was leaking fake stories.
Possibly the best bit is when the wife of Jamie Vardy gave an interview with The
Daily Mail, insisting that arguing with Coleen is akin to rowing 'with a pigeon'.
Huh? Curiously Rebekah is unaware that pigeons are the only bird capable of –
wait – compartmentalising! Impressive! East Sussex was so impressed with
Coleen Rooney’s clever detective work they are luring, OK, advertising for
detectives. Oh sign me up!
Oh really. Must we all do the “you couldn’t make it up”? Oh yes we do. Our new
favourite pole-dancing ‘model’ Jennifer Arcuri evidently bragged about her 'Boris
bruises' and naturally her former friend Milo Yiannopoulos has ‘revealed’ it.
The 'open secret', “because Jennifer loved to advertise it” according to Mr
Yiannopoulos speaking to MailOnline. He claimed that Miss Arcuri had 'loudly
and proudly' displayed evidence of the ‘romance’ even with his warnings. He
said the ‘Boris bruises’ were “trophies from enthusiastic, consensual
lovemaking”. Oh dear oh dear. Were they part of her “weaponise” references?
Well, we never really understand that reference did we?
He adds his admiration for her “shameless self-promotion as she schmoozed
her way around the London tech scene. Me as tech expert… Jennifer's name-
dropping of the then-Mayor of London could be exhausting. But it was also very
entertaining.” Are we having fun yet? I thought not. Yawn producing really.
Detail alert: “One afternoon, Jennifer showed up to a Farringdon steak
restaurant in a jaw-droppingly short skirt, with plum-coloured marks on her
thighs and breasts that she proudly - and loudly - described as 'Boris bruises'.
She said they were the result of sex with Boris. There was no suggestion that
anything abusive had occurred.”
All right. We may as well know what we already know. “The Jennifer Arcuri I
remember wanted, more than anything, simply to be famous. She was prepared
to do anything to get there. Unfortunately for her, she succeeded. In 2014,
Jennifer wrote to thank me for 'standing behind' her during her Tech City job
application. 'You have my love forever because of this,' she added. I didn't have
the heart to tell her it was all a cruel joke.” Huh?
Miss Arcuri repeatedly refuses to deny a romance with Al. Oh can’t we just go
straight to the illegality of it all. Please.