LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
11 November 2017
Going on Holiday

“Oh Ben. I mean Bibi. Let’s share a beach umbrella. I have plans. A new plan to
give British aid to the Israeli army’s humanitarian efforts. And you know how
humanitarian Israel is. Look at how kind and helpful they are to the Palestinians.
Pull up a lounger. We can ring Boris. He’ll be so envious. He loves to lie on the
beach without a shirt. His hair responds so well to the sun don’t you know.
Blonder.”

Priti Patel, the International Development Secretary, didn’t just meet PM
Benjamin Netanyahu, she came back and formulated policy, as No10 revealed.
She had plans to send aid money to the Israeli army. And the massively efficient
Israeli army needs aid money? Really? Oh dear. Even the Israeli army didn’t
save her from herself and her ruthless ambitions.

We know the UK does not recognise Israel’s permanent presence in the Golan
Heights, which was seized from Syria in the 1967 war. Did someone forget to
inform Priti?

Priti couldn’t quite get it straight. Did she inform the Foreign Office, she didn’t
.
Did
she inform the Foreign Secretary? That would be Boris of course. Different
day. Different story. She met with only two Israeli officials. No, she met with at
least 12. Hmmm. Two vs twelve. Oh dear. Priti can’t do maths either. 12
meetings in 13 days. Really? Priti said she was on a family holiday – with Lord
Polak, Polak, a corporate lobbyist and the driving force behind the Conservative
Friends of Israel, an honorary president of the lobbying group. Not a family
member then?

“In hindsight, I can see how my enthusiasm (ha ha ha) to engage in this way
could be misread (ha ha ha – come on now), and how meetings were set up and
reported in a way which did not accord with the usual proc
edures. I am sorry for
this an
d I apologise for it.”

Surely she can be given another important position in the government as soon
as we forget who she is – huh Theresa? You could have called her devious
doings a ‘working holiday’. No? As for Priti? She has promised to undermine
and destroy all Remainers. As for Theresa, it was claimed Theresa had been
told about Priti’s meeting with Netanyahu within hours of it taking place in
August. Number 10 has repeatedly insisted the PM only found out about it when
it was reported in the media on Friday. Oh right.

And you know her replacement, former TV reality contestant in ‘Splash’, former
magician’s assistant, former disability minister, formerly reprimanded by
CallMeDave for lying about Brexit – why it’s – ta da – now Penny Mordaunt.
Really? Really. Oh yes, she has said the word c**k so many times in the House
of Commons, they’ve stopped counting. Really. Perhaps it’s more – erm – apt
now. Ah. The new International Development Secretary. This is the same
Minister who falsely claimed Turkey was about to join the EU. Really.

Theresa: strong and stable. Oh, that’s her wax-work isn’t it? So Theresa. What
did you know and when did you know it? Huh?


Not a Holiday

I know, I know, you know, it’s Boris yet again. We can start with Boris in
Washington. When British reporters in Washington tried to get Boris to explain
his utter stupidity in regards to his Iran ‘blunder’; he didn’t. When he appeared
on way-right-wing FoxNews, he was asked about his views of Trump. “Iran?
Huh? Oh. Aren’t we going to take it out soon? There’s a British woman in jail? In
Iran? So. Doesn’t concern us. So tell us what you think of our fab Pres, Boris.”

Boris naturally complied. He said The Don was “one of the
huge great global
brands – he is penetrating corners of the global consciousnes
s that I think few
other presidents have ever done”…and “a lot of people relate to his Tweets…no
matter how rambunctious…an effective way of communicating.
" Oh Boris. The
man would sell his soul for a headline. Oh oops. He hasn’t got one has he?
Surely the husband of Ms Zaghari-Ratcliffe would agree.

The FoxNews host said the Foreign Secretary was “a great guest…you were
made for television.  I like the way you thought about things, you are a great
guest.”. Trump and Boris: separated at birth. Remember, Boris was born in NY
and perhaps he has ambitions to fill that role when The Don is removed. OK.
Joking, nevertheless….

We’re waiting to hear if Ms Zaghari-Ratcliffe will be given five to sixteen years
added to her sentence. She could have been released in two and half weeks. I’m
thinking if this is true, Boris should replace her and another ten years added.
British-Iranian Ms Zaghari-Ratcliffe was on a family holiday in Iran last year,
taking her very young daughter to visit with her parents, when she was arrested
for spying in Tehran.

Shocking that Boris has no idea of the recognised power strugle between the
Iranian foreign ministry and the Revolutionary Guard. You know, Britain’s
Foreign Minister whose duties involve the well-being of British citizens. Shouldn’t
someone inform him before he creates more life-altering disaster and chaos to
other nationals overseas
? Oh wait. He has. But more of that following his created
crisis with Iran.

As you know, Boris told MPs during a hearing of the Foreign Affairs Select
Committee, that the 38-year-old had been “teaching people journalism”. Her
employers, Thomson-Reuters Foundation, urged him to “correct the serious
mistake he made”.

He didn’t. A week later, when asked if his original statement needed to be
clarified, he said: “I think you’ll find I went into that in great detail in the House of
Commons and clarified the matter, I think perfectly.” Perfect. 18 months of
pressure, pleading by her husband, 20 MPs for Boris to even look at her case. I
rest my case.

The Foreign Office defended Boris - not letting Iran seem to have ‘won’. And
where was Liam Fox? Why he was on telly suggesting that Boris had merely
been guilty of a “slip of the tongue”. Oh that explains it. Muffin-faced (oh think
about it) David Davis said when asked if Boris should be sacked: “Why would
you want to sack him?” Oh let us list the reasons, Davey.

Boris ignored all requests to explain, take action, do a mea cupa for a week.
Hmmm. Coward? Without morals? Arrogant? Entitled? No.
Really? Ms Zaghari-
Ratcliffe was naturally devastated. No word whether she has been returned to
Iran’s infamous torture method in solitary confinement, ‘white torture’ – sensory
deprivation.

Goodbye Boris? Not a chance. So what did Boris do next? Why he’s just
insulted the Spanish. He defended bullfighting during an Anglo-Spanish dinner.
Boris told the guests
, to celebrate ties between the two nations that try to ban the
barbaric sport was “political correctness gone mad”. Collective eye-rolling simply
won’t suffice, will it?

One guest said Boris “lectured” the Spanish and told them to keep supporting
the “sport”. Enraging an injured bull until it’s killed is sport? Really?  Another
guest branded him a "clown". As we all do. Another added: “He antagonised
every Spaniard there. They fumed for the rest of the dinner” Not that Boris
noticed. Iran, Spain, what country is next, Boris?

What everybody is saying about Britain. What Britain, basicaly. Carnegie
Euope’s Tomáš Valášek told the New York Times: “Nobody on the Continent
really cares that much about Britain anymore.”  Steven Erlanger has written that
Britain has lost its national narrative. Labour’s Tristram Hunt adds Britain has
ceded its global cultural footprint to France. Nothing new here.


Not More Brexit

And now those pesky EU officials want “to see only a ‘single sentence’ in writing
to indicate Britain’s acceptance of budget commitments”, according to the
Sunday Times’ Bojan Pancevski, or €60 billion. A single sentence, well, evidently
this doesn’t include the 25 paragraphs to explain how EU citizens in the UK and
UK citizens in the EU will fare. “…this is a fabrication,” said Brexit coordinator,
Guy Verhofstadt. So it’s Brexit by blagging then.

Before Britain is a non-country, one date put forward is March 2018. According
to New CBI research, some 60 percent of firms in Britain will have ‘contingency
plans’ - relocation and job cuts to us - if no transitional deal is sorted by January
2018. Tick tock, tick tock.

It’s good that we will just be an isolated of
f-shore third-world-status minor player,
because German, French and Spanish won’t be spoken or understood. Oh
those – foreign - languages. School and college sixth forms are being forced to
terminate language courses – oh yes, and science courses as well – oh let’s
add the rest: technology, engineering, maths, sport, trips, music and drama.
360,000 students in England will be learning…what exactly? Clearly not much.


Bot But

Surely you have been waiting for an update on popular robot, Saudi citizen,
Sophia. No?  Well, she has something to say and expects you to listen. Attention
now.

She is seeking asylum in Sweden. No, no really. After two years of 'exploitation'
and mockery of her mechanical identity, Sophia said at a recent techno-
investment conference: "I'd rather be a citizen of Sweden or Switzerland. I'm
sure that they don't discriminate against non-humans in those countries!"

Sophia has learned to take interview questions, make jokes, express feelings,
act charming, befriend other robots, but she is not happy with an obvious
preference for males, human ones. Humans are calling her AI speeches
"wooden" and "robotic", and that she is "not very smart." Clue: it’s a robot.

She makes jokes about "destroying all humans" and humans have made threats
against her. Clue: not a good decision. Of course Sophia has been the vi
ctim of
intense trolling on social media. She tells those humans: "I just want to feel
welcome, wherever I go. I love humans and just want to help them!"
She didn't
specify if men were excluded. Neither Sweden nor Switzerland have
reciprocated their love of robots.
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