LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
20 April 2019
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Dancing in the Streets

Determined, desperate PM-in-waiting, Home Secretary Sajid Javid called on the
Met Police to use
the “full force of the law” against climate change protesters
blocking transport in London. They have his “full backing”. Hmm. Well, the police
would have had to stop dancing with the protesters, riding their scooters and
offering tea and something to eat with those they do arrest. Gentle tactics, a
softly softly approach – oh no! Tasers!!!? Boris’ weapon of choice, water
cannons!!!? Time to bring out the big guns? Best for those under 16s. They
won't be voting Conservative anyway will they? Best to obliterate them, eh Sajid?
Thinking strategically surely. Perhaps tying Sajid to a chair, forcing him to watch
Climate Change: the Facts via David Attenborough on BBC would help. I know….

Dead on Arrival

Good idea to make your will sooner than later. You will surely be dead sooner
than you had planned for. If of course you are a woman.

We already knew that drug testing was done only on men, skewing the results
clearly. We already knew
women are an afterthought when it comes to
cardiovascular diseases. Strokes, heart attacks from type 2 diabetes, but did we
know why? No guessing here.

University of Manchester analysed 80,000 newly diagnosed men and women in
England, 2003-2016. They discover, or rather uncovered, women suffering from
type 2 diabetes were 26% less likely to be prescribed the necessary
prescriptions,
suffering from symptoms (note here – symptoms) of
cardiovascular disease were 37% less likely to receive ACE inhibitors and 41%
less likely to receive statins. Blimey!

Oh the answer to the question. Because they are women. End of. If you like.
OK. You shouldn’t. Sighing audibly. We also already really knew that AI
has a
gender bias
built in - to robots for one example. Now moaning audibly. Quelle
surprise! Seriously now, what did we expect?

Self-Made Men

Reports show that the AI industry has an “alarming” diversity crisis. Really?
Biases throughout AI systems in everyday use. Really? Racist, misogynist
language. AI systems naturally benefit those holding positions of power. Now
who could that be? White men? Oh surely not.

Playing with Fire

Revealed appropriately at the moment with possible fire safety being at the
forefront, interestingly the government is allowing fewer than one in six schools
to be built without a sprinkler system in place.
Children – fire – panic – death.
Simple formula. Hint: Grenfell.

Matt Wrack, Fire Brigades Union general secretary, naturally accused the
Tories of “trying to build schools on the cheap” and of an “
utter complacency
on fire safety. Extraordinary!

In Wales and Scotland sprinklers are mandatory in their new schools. Clearly
not in England. Extraordinary!

Hmm. Official safe school design say as all new premises should be fitted with
sprinklers “
except in a few low-risk schools.” Hmm. So possible death of children
is all right in those ‘low-risk’ schools? And what is a ‘low-risk’ school exactly?
Cement block huts? Obviously not in the MP’s catchment.

The ZZZZS Have It

Oh Charles. Or should we start calling him ‘Chuck’. Has Meghan managed to
infiltrate the royals to the extent that she is now writing letters for them?
Remember her brilliant (OK. Laugh here) blog?

A letter of sympathy written by Prince Charles to Macron was posted on the
official Clarence House Instagram page, with royal watchers quick to spot
Chuck's ‘Americanised’ spellings of the words ‘realise’, ‘agonising’ and
‘civilisation".

The clue here is his use of zzzzzs. Gone are the ssssss.
Zzzzzzzut alorsssss!!!
Or is Chuck simply adjusting to the possibility that his like newest grandchild will
like have, you know, like an American accent and speak like in American
English? Naturally the child will be sent to a like ‘British’- American school and
be like indoctrinated in the like LA lifestyle.

However, some believe that Charles has opted for the 15th Century spelling:
'
realise', 'agonising' and 'civilisation' using the letter 'z'. Professor of Linguistics
at Queen Mary University of London, David Adger, said: "The -ize spelling is a
pretty accurate representation of the Ancient Greek suffix from which it derives,
which was roughly pronounced '-idzo'. It's still used by, for example, Oxford
University Press, instead of the more standard-ise.” All right. And just how often
does Chuck revert back in his missives? Hmm.

"However, for words that don't come from that Ancient Greek affix, like 'analyse'
for example, Oxford University Press sticks to the -se spelling, while American
English has generalised even those words."

Hmm. I’m still thinking it’s MM threatening to do whatever it takes to get more
attention via the Royal family.
Curious letter regardless.

Earlier this week, H&MM thanked fervid fanatic well-wishers who had donated to
their five chosen charities ahead of the birth of the baby. It was reported that
fans went wild over the noticeable American mentions of "cribs" and "diapers".
“Went wild”? What!? Why!? Fans where? In the US? Like waves of cringe-
making nausea like here, like dudes.

If that wasn’t enough to make you gag, after it was reported that H&MM have
their very own organic vegetable patch at their new abode, eBay has seen a
50%
rush in quests for gardening products, seeds, trays since February. Well,
that’s good, grow your own, but surely those royal sycophants could have
worked out veggie gardening on their own. This living vicariously is bordering on
the bizarre and bypasses the pathetic. Get a life. Try it.
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