|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
22 December 2018
|You Talkin' to Me?
“It’s a Conservative conspiracy! They’re out to get our adorable Jeremy. Shame
on them. They should apologise.” The ‘stupid’ issue continues and continues
Shouty Jezza united the Tories and divided the Labour party with his irrational,
inexplicable, highly suspect, stupid antics in the Commons on Monday. All was
going so well against the Tories. His call for a non-binding confidence vote in
Theresa personally rather than one on her government, if won would have forced
an election. OK. Together here: “huh”? Hmm. Surely JC isn’t following his
fanatical anti-EU position, since 1975, to help the Tories unite with him to create
Brexit at any cost. Oh surely not.
Do you suppose it was his personal pro-Brexit Christmas present to Theresa all
wrapped up and he even included a ribbon? Perhaps he got confused and
thought he was playing Father Christmas. Well, he has had that beard-ish thing
going on since he was fifteen. Perhaps he got confused and thought he was
speaking for the Jeremy party. Nice, JC. Really encouraging. Vote of no
confidence – in JC.
Followed with his foot-in-mouth disease; you know, his muttering “stupid
woman”. Oh Jeremy. Read his lips. He said he said “stupid people”. Really?
Really? Well then would he have meant ‘people’ in general in life? ‘People’ in the
chambers? ‘People’ in the government? Oh. I get it. It was referencing the
He was so caught out by innumerable lip readers. Clue: to say the word ‘people’
your lips have to touch twice. Sorry Jeremy. Caught…for being a ‘stupid man’.
And lest we forget, remember when he was constantly irritable, ill-mannered,
rude before he was acclaimed the Saviour of the Labour party. JC could have
said “stupid men” with 78 percent! of MPs still stupid men! “Oh Pammy! Oh
Pammy! Tell them how much you love me and of course fancy me.”
From someone who is clearly not the brightest bulb on the tree, shockingly bad
enough to mutter it, but to scupper off and then – watch the proceedings from
the tea room and no apology for muttering, insulting anyone, running off, hiding
and then dragged back to the scene of his crime. Now really. Incapable, coward
Corbyn in the Commons – or just in life – as previously displayed. Class act.
Labours’ inability – or in JC’s case, refusal to properly challenge and capitalise
(note here – not the Marxist way) on the shockingly shambolic government is as
On social media that Jeremy supporting lot is not happy with his fanatical Brexit
support. But within his own party was furious when JC vowed to go ahead with
Brexit, even if Labour wins a snap General Election in the New Year. Labour MP
Phil Wilson warned: ‘A Remain party led by a leader prepared to facilitate Brexit
won’t end well for either the party or leader.’ Labour donor JK Rowling tweeted:
“Labour will never be forgiven… it’s been made patently clear that there isn’t a
“better” Brexit.” No comment, although expletives would be appropriate.
“Please Miss, can I have some more?” “What! You despicable little git! Give me
that bowl. I can use it for Christmas sweets to remind Phil and me of just how
rich and lucky we are. Give it here!” “Oh Miss. Can I have some shoes then?”
More than six out 10 teachers said more families could not afford adequate
winter clothes or shoes than three years ago. One teacher said: “Good shoes
are too expensive so students are coming in cheap shoes that last a few weeks
at most. Children come in without winter coats even in the coldest weather, or
with shoes held together by tape. I often have students asking me if I can glue
their shoes ¬back together because the sole has fallen off.”
”Some are still wearing sandals.” Collective gasp? “One wore his trousers
backwards as he didn’t want people to see holes in the knees.” Bigger gasp here.
“No outside coats, trousers far too short, holes in clothes. We are buying them
coats on a scale never seen before. I found out last week a third of my class
sleep in their uniforms as they don’t have pyjamas.” Seriously now. This is so
“We give free school dinners to children who don’t qualify for FSM [free school
meals] because their parents work but have contacted us to say they have no
money that day.” This growth in in-work poverty means that if families earn just
above the threshold, their children miss out on free school meals. A shocking
40% said schools provide extra items for children and their families.
"Sometimes families can’t visit sick children in hospital because they can’t afford
travel costs or to miss a day of work and some children couldn’t be sent home
from hospital when medically fit because the family’s housing conditions are so
bad.” Tissues all round? No. Best to send Theresa the items that have been
replaced. Let’s begin with the sandals…gift wrapped.
Teachers have witnessed: absence (83%), bad behaviour (85%), poor
concentration (81%), health (59%) and lateness (79%).
Dickensian – never. Not those children-loving Tories.
Honour Among Thieves
OK. Warning. This is not a joke from a Christmas cracker. Theresa’s latest
advisor? By now you must know it’s CallMeDave! Really! Back to the scene of
the crime. The man has no conscience, we know he has no regrets. Oh let’s do
a bit more: honour, principles, ethics, integrity, character but he does have
entitlement and privilege.
Dave is now Theresa’s personal manufactured chaos Brexit-crisis adviser as
she has made a right mess of it all. Thank you, Dave.
According to ITV’s political editor, Robert Preston, CMD has made it clear that
“she has to help Parliament find an answer, recognising that she doesn’t have a
majority”. Really? Dave’s Brexit of choice is her “partnership” approach to the
UK’s long-term relationship with the EU. And if MPs won’t back any Brexit plan?
Huh, Dave? Dave…Oh Dave….
And while Dave was recently planning a Brexit win strategy, where was
Theresa? Be prepared. Not hiding. No 10 sources revealed during a particularly
‘frenetic day’, Theresa froze, not frozen, simply froze and announced to aides:
“We’re going to have to stop. I have to make Philp his lunch.” Goodness
gracious me. Speechless? Make Phil his lunch? He can’t make his own? Take
two pieces of bread, place them on a plate…. Or he can’t pop into EAT, Pret a
Manger, Tesco, Boots? Really? 3,500 troops are on standby to get Theresa
home in time. Phil’s waiting and you know how cross he gets when he’s hungry.
All I Want for Christmas
Oh OK. Just stop it. “Meghan is dragging the royal family into the 21st century.”
No she isn’t. She’s dragging it into her LA lifestyle. 5.30 am yoga with
assistants, vegan only during the week (huh?), frozen smiles, false charm, eye-
watering expensive clothes, hair obsession, fixated self-absorbed. Sounds like
LA to me.
And the furore over Harry’s favourite pastime, sans orgies, hunting? Hmm. And
all those American hunters delirious with delight over animals they have
slaughtered on safaris?
OK. Back to the point. Seriously, who would shoot any living - unsuspecting I
add - thing? Really. But the royals love it and that evidently includes Harry. He is
a brilliant shot and loves the activity. Not now. Not ever?
Wait. MM has relented for the sake of brand H&M. A friend says: “Like Harry,
Meghan is very keen to promote wildlife charities and animal conservation.
However, Harry believes shooting is a sustainable field sport and she won't stop
him.” A wave of sustained nausea here.
As MM’s father told morning TV, “She has always been a very controlling person
and that’s part (just?) of her nature, but she has never been rude… She’s
always been in charge, that’s her nature.” Really! Couldn’t have guessed that
could we? “But she has always been polite with it.” Hmm not according to her
staff. The ones who haven’t quit – so far. Don’t think the baby will be named
after him or her half-sister, do you?
Naturally every talking-head is an expert. Oh all those lies. Oh right. All those lies
being told by every ‘royal expert’ available. What difficulties? What shouting
rows? What animosity, jealousy, disdain? It’s one person spreading all those
nasty rumours. The boys love each other. Kate and Meghan are best friends. It
can get boring, all the excuses.
Let’s not even mention that Christmas card. Oh dear, oh dear. Apparently
similar to her ‘save the date’ card from her first wedding. Gosh. Really?
RIP Paddy Ashdown, a rarity