 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
Take my Wife, Please - 15 August 2008
The Rev: “Do you take Peachy to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day
forward?”
Pea: “It’s Paula, I mean Peaches! Peaches!”
The Rev: “Excuse me miss. Well, do you?”
Max: “Yer name’s Peaches?”
The Rev: “Well. Do you?”
Max: “Yeah. Why not.”
The Rev: “And now do you, Peaches, take…”
Pea: “Oh get on with it. Yes, yes, yes. We still have the press to ring up so that they can meet
us outside for that all important photo op. Did you call Heat, OK and Hello?”
Max: “Here we call The National Enquirer. I’ll call. Gimme yer cell phone.”
Pea: “It’s a mobile. Don’t you have one of your own?”
Max: “Who’s got the cash here? Not me. I don’t even have a record deal…yet.”
Pea: “Maybe I should call my dad first. Sir Bob will go mad. The press will go mad. ‘Peaches
marries in Las Vegas imitating her parents, Sir Bob Geldof and Paula Yates. Peaches rings him
from the ceremony to let him in on the shocker secret.’ What do you reckon?”
Max: “Wreck? Wadda mean wreck on?”
Pea: “Is English your first language, Chester?”
Max: “Chester? That’s my band. Chester French. My name’s Max, Maxwell Drummey. Are you
on drugs?”
Pea: “I thought the name of the band was Maxwell Drummey. Drummey…drum…don’t you see?
Hmmm. How curious. I just noticed. You really look a lot like my father.”
Max: “Oh no. Don’t go gettin’ all Freudian on me. Speakin’ of. Wadda gonna do about the tattoo?”
Pea: “Yes. The tattoo. I know. I’ll re-dedicate it, but to you when the press asks about it.”
Max: “Faris Badwan. What a stupid name. And the Horrors. Stupider name for a band. And
what's with the book ‘n noose anyway?”
Pea: “Don’t you ever read the papers? I explained last week in the Sunday Times that it
symbolises me being owned by him, for him to have a rope around me…I’m quoting here.”
Max: “Yer scarin’ me. Do we have to name the kids after fruits?”
Pea: “Who do think I am? Gwyneth? I’m keeping with tradition; I’ll choose dog’s names. Are we
married yet? Does the marriage certificate come with a visa?”
Max: “Visa? You don’t have a credit card to pay for this?”
The press release: Max's band, Chester French, played at the ITV iTunes festival, where
Peaches was co-host. The acclaimed Boston band were signed by Pharrell Williams to his label
Star Trak. Their marriage has the support of family and friends.
The Reverend Stephen Fabretti, who married Peaches, said: 'They held hands and looked eye-
to-eye, with him still wearing sunglasses. They looked very happy. The bride looked very young
and pale and quite angelic. They didn't bring any friends as witnesses so the photographer had
to stand in.'
Drummey's father Paul said: 'We're very happy for them both.'
If anyone should show just cause why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony….
The Rev: “Do you take Peachy to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day
forward?”
Pea: “It’s Paula, I mean Peaches! Peaches!”
The Rev: “Excuse me miss. Well, do you?”
Max: “Yer name’s Peaches?”
The Rev: “Well. Do you?”
Max: “Yeah. Why not.”
The Rev: “And now do you, Peaches, take…”
Pea: “Oh get on with it. Yes, yes, yes. We still have the press to ring up so that they can meet
us outside for that all important photo op. Did you call Heat, OK and Hello?”
Max: “Here we call The National Enquirer. I’ll call. Gimme yer cell phone.”
Pea: “It’s a mobile. Don’t you have one of your own?”
Max: “Who’s got the cash here? Not me. I don’t even have a record deal…yet.”
Pea: “Maybe I should call my dad first. Sir Bob will go mad. The press will go mad. ‘Peaches
marries in Las Vegas imitating her parents, Sir Bob Geldof and Paula Yates. Peaches rings him
from the ceremony to let him in on the shocker secret.’ What do you reckon?”
Max: “Wreck? Wadda mean wreck on?”
Pea: “Is English your first language, Chester?”
Max: “Chester? That’s my band. Chester French. My name’s Max, Maxwell Drummey. Are you
on drugs?”
Pea: “I thought the name of the band was Maxwell Drummey. Drummey…drum…don’t you see?
Hmmm. How curious. I just noticed. You really look a lot like my father.”
Max: “Oh no. Don’t go gettin’ all Freudian on me. Speakin’ of. Wadda gonna do about the tattoo?”
Pea: “Yes. The tattoo. I know. I’ll re-dedicate it, but to you when the press asks about it.”
Max: “Faris Badwan. What a stupid name. And the Horrors. Stupider name for a band. And
what's with the book ‘n noose anyway?”
Pea: “Don’t you ever read the papers? I explained last week in the Sunday Times that it
symbolises me being owned by him, for him to have a rope around me…I’m quoting here.”
Max: “Yer scarin’ me. Do we have to name the kids after fruits?”
Pea: “Who do think I am? Gwyneth? I’m keeping with tradition; I’ll choose dog’s names. Are we
married yet? Does the marriage certificate come with a visa?”
Max: “Visa? You don’t have a credit card to pay for this?”
The press release: Max's band, Chester French, played at the ITV iTunes festival, where
Peaches was co-host. The acclaimed Boston band were signed by Pharrell Williams to his label
Star Trak. Their marriage has the support of family and friends.
The Reverend Stephen Fabretti, who married Peaches, said: 'They held hands and looked eye-
to-eye, with him still wearing sunglasses. They looked very happy. The bride looked very young
and pale and quite angelic. They didn't bring any friends as witnesses so the photographer had
to stand in.'
Drummey's father Paul said: 'We're very happy for them both.'
If anyone should show just cause why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony….
