21 October 2017
Waving, Not Drowning

Brexit…Brexit…Brexit…aughhhh. Clearly nothing else happens in the world.
Well, there’s always gossip. But first let’s hear from Goldman Sachs, not that
you would ever choose to. The chief executive, Lloyd Blankfein, tweeted his
unreserved enthusiasm for Frankfurt. As you do. Really? “Just left Frankfurt.
Great meetings, great weather, really enjoyed it. Good because I’ll be spending
a lot more time there.” Blankfein. Is that a German surname? Just asking.

If you think he’s offering a review for Trip Advisor, think again. Goldman Sachs
has already leased eight floors in a skyscraper. So far. Brexiteers pay attention.
Citigroup, Morgan Stanley, Standard Chartered and who else have moving
house plans. Frankfurt? Who knew. Paris must be furious. Goldman Sachs is
seeking to move their British staff to other European cities. Just saying you
stubborn, nostalgic, narrow-minded, backward ‘thinking’ Leave fools.

And unrelated: where is that half a trillion pounds that has been just ‘gone
missing’. Huh? How? That’s half a trillion gone from Britain’s finances.

Economists have warned, yet again, that foreign-owned pension funds and
sovereign wealth funds are very reluctant to invest their clients’ money in bonds
and sterling stocks. Now we wonder why. No we don’t. It’s - that save-me-from-
that-word - Brexit. You would think someone would have noticed. Seriously, how
could they not? Mislaying £490 billion and no one noticed? We’re closer and
closer to Poor Little Britain.

Lib Dem, Vince Cable said: “News of this massive write-down shows our
economy is in real trouble. Jobs are being lost at major employers such as
Vauxhall and BAE, the pound has already lost 20 per cent of its value in a year,
our balance of trade and productivity are poor, and we have fallen to the bottom
of the growth league for major economies.”

Mark Capleton, UK rates strategist at Bank of America, said: “Half a trillion
pounds has gone missing. This is equivalent to 25 per cent of GDP.” And what
did Theresa’s official spokesperson say? I know. Why bother, but if you want to
do a little - or big rant against the Tories: “The changes from the ONS are very
technical. What they don't do is change the underlying economic position which
is the UK economy is strong.” Oh right. Laughing. Oh. Crying.

Cat – Bag
James Middleton and Donna Air “broke up ‘some time ago". They were
together? Oh right, they were last seen at Pippa’s wedding in May if you were
looking for them to appear together. Why would you really?

Last year Donna told the
Daily Mail, as you do: “I’m open to more children the
same way I’m open to most things.” Oh really.

James so kindly let us know that as for a proposal to Donna in the future, he
said: “Marriage is absolutely not something I’m scared of [but it] isn’t necessarily
the be all and end all.” Oh really.

If you are surprised, you haven’t been paying attention. Back to his ‘erotic’
bakery or has he given that up?

More trouble in the Middleton paradise. Remember James and Ex-Waity’s
favourite uncle, Gary Goldsmith? He bought James a Lamborghini for his 21st
birthday and then handed him £11,000 to set up that creepy cake-making
business. It’s said that he is incredibly close to James. Make of that what you

Well, Uncle “Bang, Bang” Goldsmith in handcuffs? Oh dear. Ex-Waity’s uncle in
jail? Blimey!

If you don’t know the story, a witness, taxi driver Daniel Shepherd reported that
after driving Uncle Gary Goldsmith and his wife, Julie-Ann, to their flat in
Kensington the pair began arguing in his taxi and continued as he dropped them
off at their home shortly before 1:30am, after they had attended a private
members’ club.

Evidently the couple had a furious row about his (alleged) cocaine use. He
started yelling at her and saying, 'You're a dirty whore'. Hmmm. Curious choice
of words. Remember when he was secretly filmed at his Ibiza villa, infamous
Maison de Bang Bang, smoking cannabis, arranging drug deals, organising call
girls and bragging about his Royal connections?

“'He was being rude to me as well and boasting of spending £100 a day on
cabs. He was screaming and swearing at her and she slapped him and his
glasses fell off. It kicked off as they tried to unlock door. He then turned and hit
her in the face with a left hook. Yikes! She fell and cracked her head on the
pavement." A left hook? Ouch!!! Oh dear. Does this suggest that Uncle Bang
Bang has done this before? I mean seriously, how often do you use a left – or
right - hook in your life? And on the one you love?

Mr Shepherd said after Goldsmith punched his wife in the face, Mr Shepherd
jumped out of his cab and yelled "You can't do that!" before dialling 999.
Goldsmith then (allegedly) responded by using his own phone to take pictures of
Mr Shepherd's cab and said "I'm going to report you." Surely a relief to Mr
Shepherd; he could have said: “I’m going to kill you – with my left hook!”

Meanwhile, Julie-Ann was reportedly left unconscious after smashing her head
on the pavement. Police and an ambulance arrived and she was taken to

So, what next? Police officers led Goldsmith from his home in handcuffs to a
police station. Police confirmed he was later charged and is due in court on
October 31.

In an interview four years ago after reinventing himself (can’t imagine why),
Goldsmith said: "People like to think I'm a bad boy. I’m not really." Bad? No. A
nasty, abusive bully. Ex-Waity must be thinking: ‘How can we keep him locked
up forever? He’s just never going to become royal like me.’

The Royal Treatment

Oh yes. The latest royal wanna-be. Friends say it’s ‘a done deal’ – as it were.
Harry will marry Meghan Markle. Evidently the US press revealed she has met
with the Queen. True or otherwise, the Queen has the divine right to veto the
marriage of any senior member of the family. You know it as the Royal
Marriages Act of 1772. OK. You didn’t but you do now. She is required to give
formal consent to guard against those wanna-bes who could ‘diminish the status
of the royal house’. In 2013 a change in the law means it now applies to only
those closest to the throne and obviously Harry is included.

According to the
Daily Mail (I know) ‘a full year before Harry began dating the
actress, talking with a group of friends, he described his 'ideal woman' as being
the girl who plays Rachel Zane in Suits’. Now you could say “how romantic” or
you could say “how fated” or you could say ”how shallow” or any other
comment. Those commenting on the Mail’s ‘Comments’ – not exactly
complimentary. Just commenting. The Duke and Duchess of LA has been

Supposedly an hour of tea drinking, Assam and Darjeeling, with the Queen at
Buckingham Palace, requested by Harry of course. Really? Lady Grey not
served then? Do you think the Queen watched MM’s American TV show, Suits? I
raaaather think not. And don’t mention Wallis (Simpson)…

A Sad State of Affairs

Filmmaker Woody Allen has said he feels "sad" for Harvey Weinstein as sexual
assault allegations mount against the Hollywood mogul. Well, he would, wouldn’t

Allen said "The whole Harvey Weinstein thing is very sad for everybody
involved." When interviewed on the BBC: "[It's] tragic for the poor women that
[sic] were involved, sad for Harvey that his life is so messed up. There's [sic] no
winners in that, it's just very, very sad and tragic for those poor women that [sic]
had to go through that." Oh please. Sic? Sick.

Harvey has been credited with reviving Woody’s career after he was - accused
of abusing his daughter Dylan Farrow in 1992.

AW told the BBC he had heard "rumours" but never anything about Harvey
assaulting or raping women. So where was Woody? Oh let’s not go there….

"No one ever came to me or told me horror stories with any real seriousness.
And they wouldn't, because you are not interested in it. You are interested in
making your movie. But you do hear a million fanciful rumours all the time. And
some turn out to be true and some – many – are just stories about this actress,
or that actor." Oh Woody. So articulate.

“You don’t want it to lead to a witch-hunt atmosphere, a Salem atmosphere,
where every guy in an office who winks at a woman is suddenly having to call a
lawyer to defend himself.” Woody, it was women who were considered witches.
"That’s not right either. But sure, you hope that something like this could be
transformed into a benefit for people rather than just a sad or tragic situation.”

After being forced to ‘clarify’, he was “surprised” as he then told
Variety. He had
been misinterpreted. Sad. Right.

Spyware, Spy Where?

So what has GCHQ been busy doing? Oh the usual spying: monitoring,
collecting, and processing data from millions of British citizens acting without the
knowledge of its supervising authority (the Investigatory Powers Commissioner).
As you do. Not.

A leak of government documents suggests that GCHQ has gained access to the
databases of private social media including ‘biographical details’, ‘commercial
and financial activities’, ‘communications’, ‘travel data’ and ‘legally privileged
communications’. So what’s left?

There is evidence to suggest some of this data was shared with third parties,
including foreign governments. What foreign governments? And why exactly?
You just know we’ll never know, but they know – everything. It only gets worse
and worse.

It’s the Cheese Stupid

No-deal means no cheese. OK. Not exactly. Yes, you’re right, more expensive.
It's those nasty tariffs isn’t it? Dairy products and meat imported from the EU will
be hit the hardest by tariffs, by 45 per cent on cheese, 37 per cent on meat and
loads more – such as imported oil (for cooking) will have a tariff of 18 per cent.

Even giving up cheese and meat – wait – Britain consumes more cheese than
any other European country – this is serious - around three million families
could see their shopping bills increase by more than £500 a year. Now who will
suffer the most? Of course it will be the poorest households. This according to a
report by the Resolution Foundation and Sussex University’s UK Trade Policy
Observatory. On average, annual spending would go up by around £260. You
know it will be more.

RIP: brilliant comedian, Sean Hughes has died at age 51: “God is amazing
because he’s f***ed up my life and he doesn’t exist at the same time, which is
quite a skill.”
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