LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
10 April 2012
Waving, Not Drowning

Dressed the part, giddy with delight, 1,309 Titanic obsessed are on the ultimate
cruise. Some passengers are relatives of the doomed vessel, some are in it for
the fun and games.

The MS Balmoral Titanic memorial ship set sail on schedule to duplicate the
original crossing from Southampton. Strong gales and thirty foot seas forced
the liner to dock on the south coast of Ireland in Cobh. After docking one
passenger said: "There is a bad feeling on board that maybe the voyage is
doomed by bad luck." We'll know how prophetic when it arrives in New York 15
April.  

Five years in the planning with authenticity stressed - hopefully more so than
with the (unwatchable) film or the (dumbed-down) TV series - the meals will
duplicate the original and the band will recreate the music played. Passengers
will have paid up to £6,000 to sit in their staterooms and imagine the ill-fated
voyage of April 14, 1912. The 30 drowned millionaires on board had paid
£60,000 in today's money. There is a pool on deck for those who want to take
in the full authentic experience, although obviously with a slight change in
temperature.

Wreaths and family artifacts will be tossed from the decks on the wreck site,
then it's on to Nova Scotia where some of the victims are buried and then on to
New York as originally promised.

Will there be a mixing of classes? Will Steiff manufacture 900 black mourning
teddies as they did in 1912? Isn't it all a bit macabre? Shouldn't the participants
in the recreation be wearing black? All a bit creepy and irreverent really. I'd
rather read
A Night to Remember in the bath.

Oh dear oh dear. The Balmoral was forced to turn back Tuesday afternoon to
return within helicopter range of Ireland to rescue an unwell passenger. Bad
weather continued forcing the cancellation of a floor show. Hopefully the
passenger who predicted 'bad luck' for the voyage isn't being dunked in the
pool by angry passengers.


I Crown You Future Queen

The Queen bestowed the ultimate on commoner Camilla preparing the peasants
for her future royal position. Curiously, Charles and Camilla live mostly
separate lives, yet he has apparently been like a rabid corgi with the prince's
slipper in its mouth demanding her position be established.

Has she been literally dragged out of her private manor house to balance the
hysterical coverage of Stepford duchess Ex-Waity? Charles moped and
moaned about Diana getting all the attention and now it's the Machiavellian
Middleton smugly showing off to every ipod camera in sight.

Awarded the greatest personal honour in the Queen’s gift - Dame Grand Cross
of the Royal Victorian Order - it clearly paves the way to dusting off the royal
crown. It has been said the Queen has never taken to Camilla but she was
clearly willing to close ranks and keep it all firmly in the family firm with her
Diamond Jubilee coming up. So why the airbrushing of 'the laziest woman in
Britain'? True she has been seen out and about more - accepting an identical
jumper from Sofie Gråbøl aka Sarah Lund the star of
The Killing - hardly
charity is it....

'They' are saying: "He sees that his own position is diminished if his wife
continues not to be part of the inner-inner circle. It’s also another part of his
plan towards making Camilla his Queen. This is personal for him — deeply
personal.’’

And personal for the people: will they want a republic when the Queen passes
on? I hear a cheering crowd.


Onward Christian Soldiers

PM CallMeDave 'does God'. Not only does he 'do God', he orates: regarding
Easter, "a time when, as Christians, we remember the life, sacrifice and living
legacy of Christ." Do we now. And I thought it was about chocolate bunnies and
the Pope pontificating.

Surely CMD is preaching to the converted. How many Tory voting Christian
followers did he convince? "Follow me. I know the way to salvation and untold
riches. Vote me in next election and our God will reward you."

Clearly he was doing his best to distract from the incredibly moronic decisions
he and his Chancellor Boy George have been making. A pity he hasn't been
listening to his 'inner voices'. "Dave! Dave! You're not listening! We're not
redoing the loaves and the fishes to help all those hungry pensioners, wage-
challenged and homeless you've created, Dave. And that is final."

Seemingly inspired by his Obama visit and bed-tucking-in CMD has been 'born
again'. The presidential aura of power seduced him to the extent that he is
introducing  American politics by stealth or perhaps it's his daily calls to
American ex-spin master Steve Hilton who has relocated to California for the
year.

The new and improved CMD admitted before he became PM via the Coalition,
he believed in God, but he did not attend church "as regularly as I should" and
he did not "drop to his knees" to pray in a crisis.  It's only a matter of time,
CMD. He said praying was "a quiet time when you can reflect a bit about your
life and your family and your responsibilities and ask some questions. It’s a
moment to stop, to stand back and to sort of think about how you’re getting on."

Oh CallMeDave. Perhaps it's time to attend.
Contact Us
Contact Us