LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
9 December 2017
Veni Vidi Vici

Come on Eileen…OK, Arlene
They're resigned to what their fate is
But not us, (no never) no not us (no never)
We are far too young and clever
Remember
Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye
And you'll hum this tune for ever


A DUP source has sung, I mean said: “We won’t be bounced into
anything…we
're going to slow it all down. This is a battle of who blinks first —
and we’ve cut off our eyelids.” Ouch!  Block out that image thank you.


If you haven’t gone to ground to avoid any interminable Brexit coverage – and
how could you not - then you know that first we had Theresa’s surreptitious plan
scuppered. It’s not nice to blank your new best friends, to have secrets from
them – the same new best friends propping up your government is it?


Theresa. Theresa not again? Pathologically secretive, incapable of
comprehending consequences, no awareness of cause and effect. This is just
beyond anyone’s imagination, except for Theresa’s. Debacle of epic
proportions, shocking moment of shocking incompetence. Are we beginning to
think the woman is truly brain dead? A robot could do better. A child’s at that.
Well, Arlene did. You know. The DUP’s Arlene Foster. That Arlene.


Her self-governing, autonomous interpretation of the referendum? Tick. Her
hysteria to trigger Article 50 sans consulting or agreement of Parliament, the
Cabinet, sans what should be its replacement. Tick. Calling a general election
resulting in that £1bn pay-off to the DUP. Tick. Or simply: what the hell? Tick. Oh
and now Scotland, Wales and – London demand separate Brexit. Messier by the
minute.


But wait. Now we have success. Success at illusion, delusion. Ah, Theresa will
last to Christmas. She’s created an agreement with Juncker. “If you don’t help
me here, you’ll get Boris. Now do you really want that? Boris? Think about it.”

Moving forward? Teetering on the edge really. Staggering to the abyss? Stage
one completed. Ha. The immediate task now is to agree a transition deal during
which the UK would have to abide by all EU laws which would include any new
laws, but we would be silenced: no voice at the table. The DUP issued a
statement: “We cautioned the Prime Minister about proceeding with this
agreement in its present form”. Uh oh. Handbags at dawn looming.


Meanwhile, MPs beat them to the punch. Blimey! According to one Tory MP:
“Gavin went for Philip's throat,” Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson that is.
Defence? More offence. But Chancellor, Philip Hammond “gave as good as he
got. Theresa could see it was all getting out of hand, literally, and broke it up.”

This punch-up row took place in the Commons during a key vote on the
Withdrawal Bill. GW was said to be furious over the way one of PH's aides had
compared him to Dad's Army character Private Pike. Ah. The shared maturity of
a slug. It’s said that this is GW’s method for positioning himself to slide right into
Number 10 once Theresa is unceremoniously removed. That is once he leaves
nursery.



Apropos of Nothing

Has anyone noticed the irony of Michael Gove? All right. Not in the obvious way,
but his statement in regards to the latest terms of the latest negotiations?
“Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed" at the end of the process.
After a two-year transition period, the UK would be able to pass laws with "full
freedom to diverge from EU law on the single market and customs union…and
the British people would "be in control" to make the government change direction
if they were unhappy”.


"If the British people dislike the arrangement that we have negotiated with the
EU, the agreement will allow a future government to diverge."


What? So when the Tories are finally chucked out due to the total destruction
and undermining of the country and Labour wins, we can remain? Huh Mikey?
The next general election is currently due to be held in 2022 - three years after
the UK leaves the EU.



As Good as Her Word

Since you asked; yes, ‘ex-advisor’- ha, Nick Timothy has been instructing
Theresa to use euphemisms – as many as possible to keep the agreements as
ambiguous, amorphous, elusive as possible: ‘alignment, convergence, due
recognition’, etc. Bless.



Brexit? Huh?

I know, I know. More Brexit? Nooooo! Stop! But surely you need to be reminded
of why this government is just utterly ludicrous…and good for a laugh after the
shock.


Here we are: December 2016 David Davis said that the government was “in the
midst of carrying out about 57 sets of analyses” of the impact of Brexit on
sectors which accounted for 85 per cent of the economy.


Then Davey admitted that his department had not conducted any formal
assessments of the impact of Brexit on various sectors of the economy. Any!
“The assessment of that effect is not as straightforward as people imagine. I am
not a fan of economic models as they have all been proven wrong.” What!? “We
will at some stage do the best we can to quantify the effect of different
negotiating outcomes as we come up with them”.


The two chapters of the 850-page report Davey had received he apparently
failed to read and thus, could not testify on their content. The only thing he did
know about the report’s content is that its conclusions would be “unhelpful” to the
negotiations. Collective audible intake of breath here. Now what could possibly
go wrong? Let me help: everything that hasn’t already.


And Scotland? Remember them? Well, a cross-party group of Scottish
politicians plan to ask the European Court of Justice to rule on whether the UK
can unilaterally revoke Article 50 - without the permission of the EU27. It’s all
getting messier by the minute. Oh look. There’s Davey grinning like a cartoon
cat. Really.


The Sun has a report that a Davey devotee told younger MPs at a drinks
reception: “Theresa has the smell of death around her. She’ll be gone by
Christmas. It’s time to rally around DD.” Davey would take over after sending
Theresa off into some unknown territory- blind-folded, gagged and tied up or
simply shoving her into a meat freezer. She won’t be going without being
physically removed will she? “Philip! Philip! Help! Boris and Mikey are showing
me a big sack and lots of rope. Save me!” - and then hand over to a younger
successor in time for the 2022 general election. Ah. So there is a plan after all.

C’est Moi, Moi, Moi, Moi…

Uh oh. Kevin Maguire commenting on
The Sun’s front cover. MEGHAN: MY
RIFT WITH DAD: “Friends cashing in. Maybe she’s not quite as she was billed,
Meghan Markle.” Ouch!


Apparently one of her best friends has revealed a 40 minute film of MM at 18
when driving around LA, pointing out her father’s home, talking…“We aren’t
going to go there. We aren’t on the best of terms.”


“This is Niki, we’ve known each other since we were two-years-old.”

Evidently MM had an interest in expensive cars, jewellery and fashion.  So LA.
She and Ninaki count ‘Beamers’ and ‘Benz’ cars, Prada, Cartier and Louis
Vuitton and as they past jeweller Tiffany, MM waves to the store and says to the
camera: “Hint, hint”.


And you’re thinking, “Sweet”, but she didn’t stop at 18. Two years ago she was
still sharing her deep thoughts. You surely want to know that in her early 20s she
was not rich like she is now. She – oh dear me - had to “crawl” in and out of her
car via the boot. “A beat-up Ford Explorer Sport that rattled like a steamboat
engine.” Oh there’s more. Quell surprise. “I would drive to auditions and park at
the back of the parking lot, far from the eyes (prying of course) of anyone who
could see me unlocking the trunk and crawling through its only feasible entry
point (entry point? feasible?) I would play it off as though I was looking for
something, reaching so deep for something that my car almost sucked me in to
get it (what?) - much like my experience with Hollywood, to be honest.”  The
actress has such a way with words – the wrong words.


I think we need more details. “Struggling, climbing hurdles (hmmm, climbing not
jumping then? - now there’s a trick) searching for something that I couldn’t even
see – just reaching for it. Every single day.” I need a translator.


Satiated yet? OK. Moving on to the end. You can just make up what I haven’t
quoted. “Never would I have imagined that this show (no, not her entry to the
royal life-style, but her TV show) would …change my life – that my journey of
trying to get what I wanted, of trying to see my dream come to fruition, I would
learn who I am. That I would discover that I am enough.”  Enough of what? Oh
the firm is going to be very busy.


Evidently shouting “STOP! I’ve already lost the will to live!” isn’t very effective.
OK. How much do we really want to know? How much that we don’t already? No
response required. We know MM’s step-sister is going to share via The Diary of
Princess Pushy’s Sister, but we didn’t know about Andrew Morton cashing in.
Now we do. Just in time for the wedding of the century.


“I was a fan of Meghan long before she met Prince Harry. She has star quality,
what some have called the Markle Sparkle.” Gagging here. “Confident, groomed
(what?) and camera ready (really?)…a fascinating story and I can’t wait to tell
it.” Oh yes, we can. Yawn.


The Daily Mail front page: ‘Harry 'wanted a celebrity wife'. Prince friend 'only
someone already in the public eye would be able to handle relationship with a
senior royal' BEFORE he met Meghan’. Oh please….



Happy Christmas to All

Happy Christmas? Not for those who want to eat. Food banks could run out of
food this Christmas. An anti-poverty charity said London has seen the most
dramatic rise in the number of families requiring food banks in 2017. The charity
has supplied more than 20,500 three-day emergency food supplies to children
in the first six months of the 2017. In total nearly 60,000 packages were given to
children and adults.


Happy Christmas? Not for families with young children who are going without
toilet rolls! Surging demand for basics like shower gel, shampoo, and sanitary
towels has been reported by organisations working to help those considered to
be living in an emerging - oh dear – ‘hygiene poverty’.  


Happy Christmas? Not for 128,000 children. Shelter have reported that 128,000
children will be homeless on Christmas day. Joseph Rowntree Foundation has
reported 700,000 more children (300,000) and pensioners (400,000) are living
in relative poverty. Note: the first sustained rise for 20 years. 14 million people
are living in poverty today. No £455 Megan handbags under the tree then? No
£195 tiny robot brought by Father Christmas then? Christmas dinner then? No.

Happy Christmas? No not if you are one of dozens of families made homeless in
the horrific Grenfell Tower fire. 105 households are still living in hotel
.
Determined campaigners claim children are forced to sleep on the floor with
survivors having no access to hot meals. Six months later. Promises, promises.
“Dear Father Christmas. All I want is a bed and a toilet roll. I don’t even need a
duvet. Thank you. I’ll try not to stay awake all night waiting for you. And yes, I
have been very good all year.”


As we know, Alan Milburn, head of the Social Mobility Commission quit over the
government’s freeze on welfare payments. While last month Chancellor Philip
Hammond he declared “there are no unemployed people”. Did he mean
children? He also said Britain’s sluggish productivity could be partly blamed on
more disabled people in the workforce. There are 7 million people of working
age in the UK who have a disability or health condition. 47.6% of disabled adults
are employed. 79.2% on non-disabled are employed. These Tory toffs clearly
are alive and well – living in luxury and comfort, entitlement and smugness in a
parallel universe. The nasty party universe?


Need more proof then? Oh really. Surely not. However, government minister,
Rory Stewart said converts who leave Britain to fight for the terror group are
guilty of horrific acts and the only way of dealing with them is to kill them "in
almost every case". British Isis fighters should be killed in Syria.  It’s believed
possibly half of the 850 who went to join Isis are now back in the UK.  And he’s
not alone. Defence Secretary, “I will not back down”, Gavin Williamson, you
know, the one who grabbed the Chancellor’s throat – see above if you’ve
forgotten - has proposed a policy which says the UK will kill ‘eliminate’ every
person who has travelled to Syria or to Iraq, surrendering or not. No comment
necessary.
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