Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics

“Does my bum look big in this?”
“Sam Cam. You don’t have a bum.”

“I know. But isn’t that what I am suppose to ask?”

Samanddave are attempting normal in the only way toffs out of touch can do. PM, just-call-me-
Dave, has hired I’m-in-fashion-Sam an image stylist (through ‘family connections’) to go shopping
with. A government spokesman told the
Times: "She is Samantha Cameron's personal assistant.
She looks after everything from Sam Cam's diary to correspondence to clothes.”  Did I mention
we are paying for those particularly special pens and bespoke M&S frocks?

“I’m ready for my close-up.”

“A bit more gel, Dave, and where’s the baby? You can’t have a photo shoot without you holding
the baby.”

“Oh right. The baby. Someone find the baby.”

“Great. Now look blissful and say ‘cheesy’.

Promoting Brand Dave, Our Dave’s new best friend has been added to the public payroll -
Dave's personal photographer, Andy Parsons as well as his videographer, Nicky Woodhouse,
previously responsible for the farcical, fictitious WebCameron. You know the one: sleeves rolled
up to his elbows ordinary-Dave in his ordinary kitchen running ordinary water over ordinary
dishes while the ordinary children play cheerfully at his ordinary feet. That one. We must prepare
ourselves for the new/improved reality show: Mr and Mrs Normal – the SamandDave show.

‘I’m Not a Plastic Bag’ Anya Hindmarch and shoe balancing act, Tamara Mellon are the new slick
additions to Dave’s ever-increasing civil servants entourage. They have been appointed ‘business
ambassadors’ to flog their £300-3000 handbags and shoes to the burgeoning middle class in
China. No Job Centre recruits for Dave.

Our Dave and his ministers have created an exemption from the jobs freeze and spending cuts
affecting every aspect of daily life (excepting bankers naturally). They have simply appointed
their friends and friends of friends - 123 so far– with no advertising necessary. Best to keep it in
the entitled family don’t you think because we are all in it together. Right Dave?

“Sam. Babe. Did my American image maker say part on the left or the right?”

"Never the left, Dave, never the left!"