 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
All Together Now - 10th October 2009
Chairman of the Tory Conference, Eric Piggy Pickles had banned the bubbly for fear of
appearing too true to life. “No, no my dear boys. No bubbles up those snooty little noses until
Dave is crowned and installed permanently at No 10.”
But the bullying Bullingdon Boys simply couldn’t give up their daily tipple. Dave Chameleon
Cameron was caught out soon after sipping and slurping with his senior Tories flouting the ban
with their flutes of £140 bubbly after he had banned bars from serving his New Tories.
“Hide your party hats, boys.” Piggy Pickles using his gratingly breathy voice reminded them that
it was their Tory duty to appear ‘humble’ until the their conference was over. Tedious toffs simply
can’t learn humility.
This in celebration immediately after shadow chancellor, ‘Boy George’ George Osborne, had
delivered the happy news that everyone who isn’t rich titled and entitled will lose their job and be
taxed until suicide is the easy option. “We’re all in this together.” Really? Then we can expect a
mortgage-free country manor house and a title once the ‘New’ Tories take over?
“Dave. What are we going to do with the mass of up in arms unemployed peasants once we
employ the massive budget cuts and freeze the public sector wages? All those feral
hoodies…irate nurses…enraged teachers…I’m scared.”
“No worries dear Boy George. We’ll employ them. We’ll call it community service and they can
work on refurbishment projects at our four or five homes they have been paying the mortgages
on – for free naturally. We’ll tell them it’s a privilege. Remember not to call them serfs.”
“Oh Dave. They don’t refer to you as Devious Dave and Character-less Cameron without reason
do they? You’ll be a brilliant principle-less prime minister.”
“Picture it Georgie; a truly right-wing Britain allied with the Neo-Nazis to undermine the EU, the
demise of the BBC, a Murdock manipulated and controlled Britain. I have a dream….”
“Careful Dave. You’re drooling into your champagne.”
“Drink up Georgie. We have to do a bit of practicing if we are to appear humble, sincere,
trustworthy, honest…human. I’ve even managed to get Samantha to wear high street clothes
and shoes… at least once. Come on now. Repeat after me: we’re all in this together… we’re all
in this together… we’re all in this together… we’re very rich, we’re clearly superior, we’re born
entitled, we’re New Labour. Old Etonians. Drink up.”
Chairman of the Tory Conference, Eric Piggy Pickles had banned the bubbly for fear of
appearing too true to life. “No, no my dear boys. No bubbles up those snooty little noses until
Dave is crowned and installed permanently at No 10.”
But the bullying Bullingdon Boys simply couldn’t give up their daily tipple. Dave Chameleon
Cameron was caught out soon after sipping and slurping with his senior Tories flouting the ban
with their flutes of £140 bubbly after he had banned bars from serving his New Tories.
“Hide your party hats, boys.” Piggy Pickles using his gratingly breathy voice reminded them that
it was their Tory duty to appear ‘humble’ until the their conference was over. Tedious toffs simply
can’t learn humility.
This in celebration immediately after shadow chancellor, ‘Boy George’ George Osborne, had
delivered the happy news that everyone who isn’t rich titled and entitled will lose their job and be
taxed until suicide is the easy option. “We’re all in this together.” Really? Then we can expect a
mortgage-free country manor house and a title once the ‘New’ Tories take over?
“Dave. What are we going to do with the mass of up in arms unemployed peasants once we
employ the massive budget cuts and freeze the public sector wages? All those feral
hoodies…irate nurses…enraged teachers…I’m scared.”
“No worries dear Boy George. We’ll employ them. We’ll call it community service and they can
work on refurbishment projects at our four or five homes they have been paying the mortgages
on – for free naturally. We’ll tell them it’s a privilege. Remember not to call them serfs.”
“Oh Dave. They don’t refer to you as Devious Dave and Character-less Cameron without reason
do they? You’ll be a brilliant principle-less prime minister.”
“Picture it Georgie; a truly right-wing Britain allied with the Neo-Nazis to undermine the EU, the
demise of the BBC, a Murdock manipulated and controlled Britain. I have a dream….”
“Careful Dave. You’re drooling into your champagne.”
“Drink up Georgie. We have to do a bit of practicing if we are to appear humble, sincere,
trustworthy, honest…human. I’ve even managed to get Samantha to wear high street clothes
and shoes… at least once. Come on now. Repeat after me: we’re all in this together… we’re all
in this together… we’re all in this together… we’re very rich, we’re clearly superior, we’re born
entitled, we’re New Labour. Old Etonians. Drink up.”
