LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
17 April 2012
Toffs Just Want to Have Fun


Derision couldn't be easier. Toffs simply serve it up on a 24k gold embossed
French porcelain plate don't they.

New to the job as celebrated toff, Pippa was guest of honour at the extravagant
18th-century-costume party to celebrate designer Vicomte Arthur de Soultrait's
30th birthday. De Soultrait is pictured wearing a leather dog collar and chain,
as you do when you think you are ever so debauched, while sitting on a gilded
throne. Predictably pathetic...pathetically predictable. Pippa grins and grins
and grins in every shot. The Paris party was entitiled
Le Roi est Mort, Vive le
Vicomte
. They simply can't give it up their obsession with the aristocracy - and
according to de Soultrait, Pippa is the closest they are going to get.

"We don't take ourselves too seriously," said the vicomte's brother, Marcy.
Arthur boasting: "I love decadence. Today we're going to have fun."

According to
The Week: 'The previous night's party, held in a Paris theatre and
featuring dwarves and a burlesque fire-eater making sparks fly from between
her legs with an angle-grinder, was held to celebrate his 30th birthday.
Proceedings climaxed with a stripper bursting out of a cake accompanied by a
remix of
God Save the Queen.' Am I missing something here?

Several hours later, continuing the celebratory mood, driving around Paris the
driver of the Audi convertible took a pistol out of his glove box and aimed it
squarely at a photographer. Pippa and 'we are definitely fantastically cool'
friends found it all just sooooooo amusing, clearly aware of the sensitivity due to
the recent murders around Toulouse and the Essaine area of southern Paris . I
rather doubt the Queen did.

"Dwarves, strippers, guns. Oh Philip. What was that girl thinking of? Tell me."
"Elizabeth. She's twenty-seven."
"Is she? I warned you about those Middletons. An animal doesn't change its
spots."
"Best to simply shoot it."
"Can we?"

De Soultrait, who owns the fashion sportswear label Vicomte A, is said to be
"mortified" by the incident and "preparing to explain". Explaining that toffs just
want to have fun...toffs just don't go to prison. There is a 5 year sentence in
France if somebody threatens another with a gun - replica or real - but a 2 year
sentence would be possible.
The Sun reported that the maximum is 7 years "for
all parties involved." The Paris police are now saying that all four of the people
in the car could face arrest, and possibly, imprisonment for up to two years.
The gun pointing driver is in hiding as is Pippa.

Headline: Pippa Goes to Prison. What is there not to love? Will Pippa demand
de Soultrait dress her when she goes to jail for 2 yrs? The French aristocrat is
designing the ties for the 2012 French Olympic team; the slogan of his label is
"L'Instinct Chic". Hmmm. That blue baseball cap c'est tres stupide. The
upmarket clothing range is famed for its blindingly bright preppy style clothing.
Imagine polo shirts. Chic? Really....

"Philip. The Firm has been brilliant with that Kate. So cooperative. What is
going wrong here"
"Her plan was so perfectly thought out for twenty years. Personally, I believe
her sister is after a foreign title - not satisfied with an English one. We could
have made it so easy for her."
"Indeed."
"Must be genetic. Her debauched uncle, stripper cousin, cross-dressing
partying brother, gum-chewing mother. We'll have to blank her."
"Will it involve pistols?"
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