LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
3 August 2012
Toe-Curling

Barbara Walters, the American host of The View, the woman known for the
face pulled tighter than a frame drum has taken it upon herself to critique the
Queen at the Opening Ceremony. 'Sour face' and dressing 'like something out
of the 19th century'. "Now, would it have killed this woman, this Queen, to go..."
Barbara putting on one of her rictus smiles. "It’s such a sour face." Barbara.
Surprise, surprise. It wasn't an advert.

Having made a Faustian pact, Barbara will never know that when a person
ages, their face tends to drop which just might include their sides of their
mouth. "Let me tell you my thing with the Queen, [must you] I did agree that the
whole thing with Daniel Craig was funny, but let me tell you my problem with
her, [must you] this is a woman who does not know how to smile." Reigning as
TV queen of blissful ignorance, BW clearly has not noticed or followed the
Queen for the last 50 years as everyone knows she has a wicked witty sense of
humour which usually includes a smile and perhaps even teeth. What a bloody
idiot.

Co-host Whoopi Goldberg revelled in adding to the odious scrutiny suggesting
a 'too tight girdle' or 'shoes that didn't fit' or her outfit: "She's standing there
thinking 'I would not be wearing this'... She's like 'I'm gonna kick somebody's
ass.'"
Gonna kick somebody's ass? The Queen is like going to kick
somebody's ass
?

Barbara couldn't stop: "She is 86, but she dresses like something out of the
19th century. The pink dress with the pink plume, but then the black gloves and
the black bag... what does the Queen keep in that bag anyway? And black
shoes with the pink dress." Clearly they have their heads up their own arses.
Still it makes you just want to like 'kick their asses'.

Then we had to endure British-born-long-an-American editor of
Newsweek,
Tina Brown entering the anti-Britain fray. A head-lining article in her latest
edition: 'The British are Drinking. As the Olympics descend on London, national
gloom continues.' Really? Evidently the rain never stops, drug use has soared,
regeneration of the East London hasn't materialised materially.

Brown is on some sort of mission to discredit, diminish her home country. Last
year she put 'Grimsville UK' on the cover. She reported that toddlers had
cockroaches for pets. WTF? Is it in the water there? Seriously. How thick are
these people? That's a rhetorical question BTW.

I think she should be permanently barred from entering the country - clearly not
that she ever does. Yankees: stay home. And try editing.

Adding insult to injury, presidential hopeful 'Romneyshambles' Mitt Romney
gaffed his way into the hearts of Brits. 'Mr Leader' is my favourite...his
sobriquet for Ed Miliband. "There are a few things that were disconcerting. The
stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed
strike of the immigration and customs officials – that obviously is not something
which is encouraging."

Goodness gracious me. Not so gracious. US sent in a Team USA spy with a
mapping device to take 3D images of the BMX track. Unreasonably devious.
Then they created an exact course replica - twice. The London track was
remodelled so naturally a second one had to be created. The US coach, James
Herrera admitted the "massive" advantage. Then he had his technicians map
out the best route to win via an advanced computer programme. Olympic
integrity clearly high on the list.

The Opening Ceremony had NBC guffawing. NBC co-host Meredith Vieira did
not recognise the world wide consequence of Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of
the world wide web. "If you haven't heard of him, we haven't either," she
actually said. "Google him," joked co-host Matt Lauer. You can't make this stuff
up can you? They cut the homage to 7/7, cut and spliced the ceremony, lied
that recorded events were live. They have made a right mess of their coverage.
Oh dear. All that money...tut tut.

Ian Thorpe we love you as well as Mark Foster and Clare Balding, Michael
Johnson and even John McEnroe. Gary Lineker should stick with football
coverage. But please. Get ex Waity and her hair out of the papers and off
Olympic coverage.
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