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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
Tick, Tick, Tick...Boom! - 10 May 2009
They simply ticked the boxes. They simply implemented their own disastrous Labour tick-the-
boxes policy. They have disastrously unsuccessfully applied it to education, the NHS,
immigration, but they were wildly, zealously, fanatically successful at ticking their own boxes.
‘Flipping’ properties for massive profits…tick, filling their cupboards with tons of tiny tins of
organic cat food…tick, hand-made Christmas decorations assembled by Chinese four-year old
orphans…tick, a 48” flat screen TV in every room including all the bathrooms in all their
homes…tick, emergency Kit Kats/Maltesers/Jaffa cakes…tick, tick, tick, private jet…tick,
duplicate receipt books…tick, tick, Remembrance Day wreaths twice…tick, tick, dozens of black
magic markers…tick, fascism, totalitarianism…tick, tick.
The boxes we’d like to be ticked: our money returned with interest, flogging or better still,
hanging where the Tyburn gallows once stood, move them into condemned council flats where
they would perform community service as hoodies, herd them en masse into an abattoir, hire
them to stack shelves without pay at Lidl, force them to wear “I am a lying rapacious wanker
who embezzled your money” t-shirts, have them fall on their swords, literally and naturally the
most obvious - jail.
Boxes that have been ticked: hubris…tick, supercilious...tick, duplicity…tick, complicity…tick,
avarice, greed…tick, tick, stupidity, ineptitude, inefficiency…tick, tick, tick, tawdry…tick,
pathetic…tick.
Ticked excuse boxes: we deserve it…tick, call the police…tick, newspapers have no right to
expose our greed…tick, my water was too hot…tick, Kit Kats are a viable solutions against the
credit crunch anxiety…tick, my dog, husband, wife, mother, estate agent made me do it…tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, Gordon made me do it…tick.
Or perhaps this appalling arrogance is a creative take on swine flu. A parliamentary pandemic. A
virulent strain. Easily transmitted. Their snouts were in the troth. Swine - but that is clearly unfair
to pigs, being the fourth smartest animal…’man’ being the first. Right.
They simply ticked the boxes. They simply implemented their own disastrous Labour tick-the-
boxes policy. They have disastrously unsuccessfully applied it to education, the NHS,
immigration, but they were wildly, zealously, fanatically successful at ticking their own boxes.
‘Flipping’ properties for massive profits…tick, filling their cupboards with tons of tiny tins of
organic cat food…tick, hand-made Christmas decorations assembled by Chinese four-year old
orphans…tick, a 48” flat screen TV in every room including all the bathrooms in all their
homes…tick, emergency Kit Kats/Maltesers/Jaffa cakes…tick, tick, tick, private jet…tick,
duplicate receipt books…tick, tick, Remembrance Day wreaths twice…tick, tick, dozens of black
magic markers…tick, fascism, totalitarianism…tick, tick.
The boxes we’d like to be ticked: our money returned with interest, flogging or better still,
hanging where the Tyburn gallows once stood, move them into condemned council flats where
they would perform community service as hoodies, herd them en masse into an abattoir, hire
them to stack shelves without pay at Lidl, force them to wear “I am a lying rapacious wanker
who embezzled your money” t-shirts, have them fall on their swords, literally and naturally the
most obvious - jail.
Boxes that have been ticked: hubris…tick, supercilious...tick, duplicity…tick, complicity…tick,
avarice, greed…tick, tick, stupidity, ineptitude, inefficiency…tick, tick, tick, tawdry…tick,
pathetic…tick.
Ticked excuse boxes: we deserve it…tick, call the police…tick, newspapers have no right to
expose our greed…tick, my water was too hot…tick, Kit Kats are a viable solutions against the
credit crunch anxiety…tick, my dog, husband, wife, mother, estate agent made me do it…tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick, Gordon made me do it…tick.
Or perhaps this appalling arrogance is a creative take on swine flu. A parliamentary pandemic. A
virulent strain. Easily transmitted. Their snouts were in the troth. Swine - but that is clearly unfair
to pigs, being the fourth smartest animal…’man’ being the first. Right.
