Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
In the Thick of It - 29 January 2010

Tony Blair defends his position in history to his friends at the Chilcot Inquiry.

45 minutes to total annihilation: “ We had only 45 minutes to get to the WWII bunkers before
Saddam was going to nuke us. Have you noticed my new American expression? GB taught it to
me at the ranch. Nuke. I’m lovin’ it.”

Fern Britton interview: “She intentionally confused me. I thought it was a religious programme.”

The Crawford Pact: “I never became a blood-brother with my best friend, Georgie no matter
what Sir Christopher Meyer says about a deal “signed in blood”. GB only likes blood sports; he
preferred we close our eyes, kneel down and clasp our hands together on the bible.”

The Israelis at the Crawford meeting: “I haven’t learned Hebrew as yet.”

The lack of planning after the invasion: “Oh. Did we not do that?”

The US decision to invade Iraq: “I thought America would be lonely going on by itself.”

Regime change: “Come now. Don’t tell me you weren’t waiting in anticipation for that Saddam
statue to be pulled down and hit with a shoe. I certainly was. A highlight for me.”

The £6 million security required to protect Tony: “Well. All you have to do is think about what
happened to David Kelly. The CIA are a scary lot and I don’t want to be dumped in a garden
sprinkled with anti-depressants passed their use-by date. No dignity.”

Why Saddam had to go: “You are seriously asking me that? He was a secret Saudi you know.
He was pivotal in planning 9/11 with Rumsfeld, I mean Cheyney, I mean Bush Sr, I mean Bush Jr
– I mean Osama. Saddam…Osama…it’s almost the very same name. So obvious.”

Any regrets: “Regret. What exactly do you mean by that? Are you referring to Edith Piaf?”

Why I decided to become Bush’s poodle and sacrifice two hundred young men and women and
more than a hundred thousand Iraqis: “God loves all animals, especially coiffed poodles. Are you
saying people died? Dear me. I have been so busy doing those twenty- minute self-serving
£250,000 lectures, I haven’t had time to read the papers. And I thought terrorists were torturing
and killing innocent people. Silly me. Can I go now?”