LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
5 November 2016
The Prince and the Showgirl

Well, not exactly. Sir Laurence Olivier and Marilyn Monroe, 1957 they aren’t.
Prince Harry and Meghan, 2016.

You must be bored already with the media coverage of Harry’s latest romance
with American actress, Meghan Markle. Harry’s previous love interests may have
had issues in regards to manic media coverage. Surely not a problem here.

If you have been marooned on an island, comatose in hospital or staging your
own personal media revolt, you know the ‘facts’ as they are. Clandestine
rendezvous, secret meetings with the other royals, matching bracelets and then
there is MM’s sister. OK. Half-sister as the press insists. Not a fawning fan
apparently.

All right. The obligatory back story. Samantha Grant is a successful writer in the
arts industry. Samantha told reporters she raised MM for 12 years in California.
Samantha accused MM of the lack of financial and emotional support for MM’s
father when he had to file for bankruptcy in June. No details available. “The
royal family would be appalled by what she’s done to her own family.” Blimey!

But worse is her character analysis – much worse. “Shallow, selfish,
narcissistic…she will be the new Princess Pushy”. A social-climber, ambitious
and has wanted to be a princess from a young girl – she preferred Harry
because she has a "soft spot for gingers”. Good to know; someone has to.

“Meghan's behaviour is not befitting of a Royal Family member”. She doesn’t
really know the Royals does she? Curious that anyone who criticises a celebrity
is considered horrible, vile, untrustworthy, jealous. Hmmm. Just saying. “She’s
desperate for the relationship to work.” No surprise there.

And the reporters, interviewers, anonymous public? Oh they say the usual; she’s
so nice and all that charity work. Well, it is called acting. That’s her job. As well
as obsessively protecting that invaluable brand.

And in MM’s own words? “After all, I’m a brash American,” she told the Toronto
Sun. “And if my name is going to be on something, I’m going to have my say.”

And she did when she took a Britishism multiple-choice test and failed totally.
Goodness me. She did get one answer right: “Trash can is a bin”, but said with
complete confidence: “Pants are trousers – I got that one!”  Are you thinking
sandwich-picnic or bulb-tree? Oh right. That’s Harry – as well. So romance
made in heaven then? MM: “I think I lost.” Really.

I’m thinking it might be time for the Firm to step in. Surely Carole Middleton
could coach MM as she has done so well with her own ‘aspiring’ children. At
lease MM has hair-flipping and total self-confidence down. Whew.

MM shared a picture of a cuddling pair of bananas, with the message: "Sleep
tight xx". Trying not to be cynical, but I might be overcome with nausea here.

Meghan has also been linked with Northern Irish golfer Rory McIlroy and
Canadian star chef Cory Vitiello, whom she was apparently romantically linked
to when she met Harry. Really.

So Harry has moved on from long-haired blondes to a Middleton look-alike. Oh
really. Admit it. When you saw MM‘s photo you didn’t think: “Huh? Pippa?
Separated at birth?” for a minute? All right. Not the separated at birth bit, but you
cannot deny the uncanny resemblance. Can you?

A royal ‘butler’ has announced, “It’s the real deal”. Interesting choice of words.
People magazine is saying an engagement is ‘in the offing’. Is that MM doing the
royal wave?


A Royal Prerogative

Listen. You can hear all those Brexiteers shouting, screeching,  shrieking
everywhere. They just won’t stop. Admittedly it does bring a little smile doesn’t it?
Possibly a huge grin – one of those all teeth visible grins. Possibly a jump in the
air – but please, no high-fives.

Those Brexiteers certainly are abusive in their raving, crazed, frenzied
response. Not pretty. We could use ‘journalist’ and radio host Julia Hartley-
Brewer as an example. My God, I thought Sky would have to call for paramedics
when she was so hysterical – please note here: not because she is a woman, it's
because she was.

She yelled, she interrupted constantly – well, she always does that doesn’t she –
she insulted - well, she always does that doesn’t she – she was a rabid attack
dog. Oh right. She was on Press Preview – as usual. A torture for anyone who
watches really. The best bit, after suffering through her maniacal response to the
court ruling was when she promised to go to prison. “I’d be happy to go to
prison to see this enacted.” As we would be as well. Promises, promises.

Another idiot – oh, did I just say ‘idiot’? Oh right. It’s Nigel. Do I really have to
add his surname? Well, he has said, “People who voted to take Britain out of the
European Union should take to the streets to ‘get even’ with politicians who are
intent on watering down the result of the referendum…” Get even? Get even? He
warned that there may be “disturbances on the streets” if Parliament fails to
honour the Brexit vote. Words fail.

Surely you know Gina Miller (who successfully brought the case to the High
Court if you have been sleeping through all this) has received vile hate mail,
abusive phone calls, threats of violence, rape and naturally death. Those
seething Brexiteers have said: “Gina Miller should be hung,” was posted on
Facebook. “I hope she gets shot,” another said. “Kill her! Two behind the ear.”
She has been called a “traitor”, “scum”, a “foreigner” and “stupid fucking cow”.
All this vitriol for upholding a proper constitutional process.

But my God, even the hairdresser Dos Santos who kickstarted the challenge has
been ‘forced underground’. The lawyer for Mr Santos, David Greene, has been
called a fascist. Now why would that be? Brexiteers are looking seriously vile and
actually insane.

The honeymoon is over for PM Theresa May – that honeymoon when there
wasn't even a wedding – or a coronation; PM by default. The High Court
reminded her that she wasn’t omnipotent; she did not have the power to trigger
two-year exit process Artilce 50 before a vote in Parliament. You know her
reaction: an appeal to the Supreme Court. Sovereignty of Parliament vs Theresa
and a few single-minded Brexiteers in a back room? Hmm. Now what would you
choose when the word ‘democracy’ is thrown about? Moot point.

Brexiteers en masse have accused the “legal establishment” of “declaring war on
British democracy”. Oh right. Do they mean the British democracy that ignores
48 per cent of the voting population? Or do they mean Theresa’s relying on
ancient 'royal prerogative’ to ignore the entire Parliament?

Let’s remind Brexiteers: there is no plan. Let’s remind them again: there is no
plan! Oh Dave. What have you done? And then there are the Lords…aha.
Chaos to come….


Nooooo

Surely you have read about the first large-scale study examining why certain
tracks – “earworms” (ew) – can make you want to throw yourself in front of a
bus, off a cliff, whatever that will make that annoying song stop repeating in your
head.

I apologise in advance. A few: Bad Romance – Lady Gaga, Don’t Stop Believin’
– Journey, Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye, (panicking yet?), California
Gurls – Katy Perry, Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen – oh this is just too tortuous. I
have to stop before I go mad hearing any of those earworms. Can’t Get You Out
of My Head – Kylie. Arghhhhhh. Help!

The author of the study, Dr Jakubowski said: “Our findings show that you can to
some extent predict which songs are going to get stuck in people’s heads based
on the song’s melodic content”. The study was conducted by researchers based
at Durham University, Goldsmiths, University of London and the University of
Tubingen in Germany. Impressive lot don’t you think?

But you must be getting desperate to know how to stop them. Now that at least
one has surely entered into your head after reading the list. The study found that
ninety percent of people have one of those awful loops going around and around
once a week; crickey! once a week!? This nightmare occurs when people are
not totally engaged such as taking a walk, having a shower, doing chores.

Well, help is available – “Oh thank God” you say in desperation. Suggestions:
Many people report that listening to the song all the way through can help to
eliminate having it stuck on a loop. I’m doubting that. Or listening to another
song. I’m thinking possibly a favourite. Or trying not to think about it and let it
fade away naturally on its own. Ha, Ha. Really? So, strike up the orchestra. The
top ‘cure song’ is: God Save the Queen. See. You are singing it already. Whew.
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