LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
10 March 2017
The Joke's on Us

The best part of the budget display? Non-elected PM Theresa doing that
demonic howling hyena laugh. The best. Laughing at the lies and broken
manifesto pledges, Theresa? Keeping the serfs down and the ‘back-door’
(clearly front door) privatisation of the NHS via shady deals on target? Those
broken manifesto pledges are already coming back to haunt you, Theresa. Post-
budget disaster, Theresa’s not so popular with the public or the right wing press.
Neither are the Tories. Uh oh. Hint: a little laugh here. Looks like the honeymoon
is over. Finally.

Moving on. Haven’t we been worrying about poor Georgie? Well we can stop
now. Revealed on Budget Day – yes, that is not just ironic, it’s insulting that the
former Chancellor has been netting in the cash - £786,450 for 15 speeches;
£650,000 for four working (really? Working?) days a month then there is that
£13,542 a day salary. Did I mention the shares?

In addition, (see what I did there?) lest we forget, our omni-shambles budget/evil
austerity loving Boy George has been pocketing £74,000 a year as a
backbencher. Ah poor George. The details? Two speeches at JP Morgan’s NY
headquarters added £141,752. What could earn him that money? What could
he possibly have to say? He mainly addresses financial institutions. Is this
causing you anxiety, downheartedness? I’m finding irony not quite so amusing
here.


An Oxymoron: a feminist spokesperson?

Oh it does just go on and on doesn’t it? Not just the Orange-Man, but the
avowed, vocal ‘feminist’ Emma Watson. Did you find yourself saying “Shock
horror!?” Surely you’ve seen the
Vanity Fair photo of Emma: curiously coiffed
and proudly posing in (flaunting?) an open white crocheted bolero jacket – yes,
that’s a revealing open white crocheted bolero jacket. Oh dear. Is that a nipple
on view? Oh dear. It is.

From the words of the outspoken feminist herself: “It just always reveals to me
how many misconceptions and what a misunderstanding there is about what
feminism is. It’s about freedom, it’s about liberation, it’s about equality. Feminism
is about giving women choice.”  Like pole dancing? Oh dear, oh dear. The
woman is coming across as – erm – naïve, short-sighted, uncircumspect,
uninformed, possibly dare I say - dim.

Emma tells us that feminism is about choosing what you want to do. Oh Emma,
Emma, Emma. No, darling, it isn’t. Does someone really need to explain it to
you? Clue: context, context, context. Emma has said that breasts have nothing to
do with feminism. Oh but they do have everything to do with the objectification of
women. You can’t use the objects of the objectification and say they are
‘freeing’.

Emma is ‘confused’. As are we, Emma. “I really don’t know what my t- -s have to
do with it. It’s very confusing.” Really? There is no feminist ‘freedom’ in a
ubiquitously controlling, powerful, patriarchal society/world where women are
second-class citizens, mere objects. And it you don’t think they are, you are
clearly living in la la land – possibly in that LA la la land.

Earth to Emma: exhibitionism is not ‘freeing’. It’s not giving yourself permission
to do whatever you want. Showing off your breasts is simply catering to male
fantasies. I’m so tempted to suggest a ‘free-feminist’ doing whatever she wants,
could allow her to strangle her neighbour’s cat with her bra, press her naked
breasts against the windows of Tesco Express, remove her clothes on the
Central line at rush hour, hand out
The Sun opened to Page 3 to everybody in
the park shouting “I’m a feminist and I’m freeee!”

So then there's Yves St Laurent’s latest ad campaign featuring a 16-year-old
Brazilian model wearing roller skates – OK so far, fishnets – not so OK – in an
undeniable crotch shot (how much do we hate that term?) – beyond not OK,
Emma. But then, it’s just a teenage girl expressing her ‘freedom’. Right?

Emma said about her photo shoot: “The shot itself I was honestly slightly taken
aback by, because we’d been doing so many crazy things on that shoot. But it
felt incredibly artistic and I've been so creatively involved and engaged with
[
Vanity Fair photographer Tim Walker], and I’m so thrilled about how interesting
and beautiful the photographs were.”

This said while promoting her new Disney film, Beauty and the Beast. Hmmm.
Curious timing. The photo is so – revolutionary, sophisticated, innovative,
creative, artistic – so not. Yawn.

We do have a small problem don’t we? Emma has made those comments about
Beyoncé: “As I was watching [the videos] I felt very conflicted, I felt her
message felt very conflicted in the sense that on the one hand she is putting
herself in a category of a feminist, but then the camera, it felt very male, such a
male voyeuristic experience of her.” A eureka moment? A pity it didn’t influence
her
Vanity Fair photo shoot.

Emma. Another clue: do a bit of history on feminists – you know The
Suffragettes for a start who suffered terribly for their cause…force feeding in
prison should be enough.

Our spokesperson for feminism has helped launched HeForShe, a UN campaign
encouraging men to advocate for feminism. Now that makes sense.


Single Ladies

The Mirror reports that Pippa – yes, that Pippa -  has taken steps to avoid being
overshadowed on her wedding day and no, not by Ex-Waity (she worried about
that last week), but by look-alike Meghan Markle; Harry’s Hollywood obsession.

Pippa is rumoured to have told her friends that she’ll be enforcing a wedding
policy of only allowing guests bringing their plus one if they are married or
engaged to their partner. So it’s a 'no ring, no bring' rule. Pippa’s surely been
inspired by ‘Put a Ring on It’…or is she just being her assertive, striving, self-
referring self? Hmmm. Or are those fond memories Pippa has of her
successfully upstaging her sister on her wedding day giving her incentive not to
have it happen to her.

A friend told
The Mail On Sunday “She saw how all eyes were on Meghan
rather than Lara (the bride). The situation was also stressful for Harry. Pippa
and her mother Carole wonder whether Meghan’s presence could cause a great
deal of unnecessary chaos.” Oh dear. Panic meetings at the Middleton mansion
pencilled in the diary already?

Will that force Harry to propose then with the wedding due to take place in May?
Having just taken MM to the wedding of his best mate, curiously contradictory
reports followed. “He was all over her.” “He couldn’t keep his hands off her.” I’m
thinking: ‘ew’. The other reports said they barely talked to each other the entire
time. Place your bets. Oh you just know it’s inevitable. All those Middleton family
gatherings could prove rather – awkward. I’m thinking (vulgar) place cards will
be necessary.
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