LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
2 July 2016
That Person Can't Be Me

If things are an utter mess now, just think ahead a few months, years, decades.
Brexiters clearly were under the illusion ceaselessly perpetuated by a hyper-
right-wing press and lest we forget – the BoJo&Mike double act, that 24 June
would be the beginning of the 40’s, 50’s, 80’s – choose your decade of
delusion. Look what you’ve bloody done. “Manufacturing will begin again”…oh
dream on. “English jobs for English”…”No more non-English allowed in”….
Despair of the misjudgement.

Mike is in! Boris is out! Blimey!  BoJo clearly panicked that he wouldn’t win and
surely didn’t want to get his chubby little hands dirty with Article 50. In his
farewell speech, BoJo paraphrased the words of Brutus (remember him?) from
Shakespeare’s
Julius Caesar and concluded with his punchline: “I have
concluded that person can’t be me.” Nil admirari!

According to a surprising number of sources, BoJoke has always been a
compulsive liar – including at Oxford. Just what the Tories needed; another
deceitful bullying Bullingdon boy. Oh well.

Evidently Boris had been having a clandestine personality make-over to make
him irresistible and an inevitable shoe-in to counter the ABB forces. ‘Anyone But
Boris’ don’t you know. No need for that now. He would have needed a bit of
gravitas wouldn’t he? Ha. And spouting Latin wouldn’t have done it would it?
Unless it’s ‘et tu’ Mike….

Mike said: Boris “cannot provide the leadership or build the team for the task
ahead”. Ouch! Hmmm. As his campaign chief and co-conspirator backing
Brexit, Mike had supported BoJo while ruling himself out. In 2012: “…I’m not
equipped to be Prime Minister, I don’t want to be Prime Minister…I couldn’t do
it. I don’t want that job!”  2016 three weeks ago: “I am absolutely not [looking to
be PM].”  “I promise to sign in my own blood!” Promises, promises. Mike rang
Boris’ evil Australian Tory strategist, Lynton Crosby, and then plunged the knife
in. Oh. And took the only list of Boris backers first. I know. Ironic use of the
word ‘back’.

Evidently everyone’s ‘for turning’. A senior MP said: “The treachery I have seen
this morning has been breath-taking.” Mike stuck the knife in CallMeDave, Boris
stuck the knife in CallMeDave, Mike stuck the knife in Boris. Time to watch your
back, Mike. It’s said Mike always seeks revenge. And then there’s BoJo’s sister,
Rachael Johnson, who turns up at the opening of a door, has viciously knifed
Mike and his wife in the back – and front – in print. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Murdoch-favoured-Justice Secretary Michael Gove wants it, Work and Pensions
Secretary declared Christian linked to a ‘gay cure’ group Stephen Crabb wants
it, anti-human rights, pro-surveillance, ex-Remain Home Secretary, Theresa May
has thrown her leopard-print kitten heels into the mosh pit, former scandal
embroiled Defence Secretary Liam Fox and now exit-obsessed Energy Minister
Andrea Leadsom  have signed on. What a choice. Well, no choice is it? Help!
Who thought thick CallMeDave would ever, ever look intelligent, professional, the
best of the worse!? OK. That is really pushing it isn’t it? Nevertheless, he is
totally responsible for the historic life-changing nightmare we have entered.
Personally I wish I could wake up.

And Georgie? He’s out. Where was Georgie – sounds like a child’s game doesn’
t it? Well – it is. The Chancellor finally appeared after clearly hiding for several
days. Why? Where? Under the duvet? Under the bed? In the closet? Georgie-
Boy came out (well, he did) to say he was out.

Lies, avoidances, duplicity, collusion, cowardice, intrigue, brutality, betrayal,
ruthlessness, treachery, knives out and in backs. And this is only the beginning
of the political week for both parties. Blimey! Ego-driven men in power; not
pretty. Oh it’s all so terribly Shakespearean isn’t it? Do I hear a group karaoke
singing Back Stabber?


Marksmanship   

‘The mark of the man’? Marxism. No full marks for coward Corbyn. Who hasn’t
said ‘he’s a decent man”? Well, no he isn’t is he? If in fact he were, he’d have
fallen on his sword – oh oops – JC doesn’t do military weapons…OK resigned...
given up his Labour membership…not that he was ever a loyal member really.
Rumours have it that all this is a malevolent Momentum stratagem to divide the
Labour party. A coup by the Corbynista cult. Those in favour are clearly jumping
up and down en masse chanting “Corby…Corby…Corby…” wherever JC
appears to bask in their adulation. Hmmm.  From the self-righteous man himself:
“Surely together…surely together…surely together…surely together…” Does
Jeremy understand irony? Oh you just know he doesn’t. But neither does his
shadow chancellor/henchman/joined at the hip Trotskyite, John Mc Donnell, who
has said: Jeremy “is going nowhere!” Exactly.

The man has been rude and crude, pompous and superior, arrogant and self-
serving. The man never stepped up to the mark. In fact now he’s overstepping
the mark. It’s not a personality cult; it’s a political party, Jeremy. Possibly not the
sharpest knife in the box – oh not another weapon? Well, knives have been out
to get him. So, return your rented suit and get on your bike, Jeremy. Do the
right thing!


Just Asking

What the hell is Serena Williams doing? Pre-Wimbledon she’s been seen at
interviews as well as posing for photographers whispering, enunciating, pouting,
hair tossing, vest strap off the shoulder. Oh Serena! Stop! In competition with the
‘K’ family? No, really. Why? What’s the point? Just play tennis, darling.
Assuming TV coverage will be the same as last year: seven per cent. Oh indulge
me please: seven per cent! of tennis coverage is devoted to the women on court.
Oh for God’s sake!!! I suggest Serena take her new seductive ‘f**k me’ smile,
her racket, a few balls and smash a few at the men making this decision. Ouch!
Ah. Satisfaction.


What to Wear, What to Wear

Paris Menswear Week Spring/Summer 2017 showed: clear plastic macs, over-
sized coats, tiny jackets, suits vs sportswear (will that ever be passé? I doubt it),
swathed in masses of fabric, billowing trousers, net vests, trompe l’oeil onesies,
hot pink, anti-decorative architectural, zippers zigzagging everywhere, smocks
and aprons, OTT embellishment; what wasn’t included?

Bill Cunningham would have known. Sadly, one of the most prolific fashion
photographers of his generation has died. He spent nearly 40 years working for
the
NY Times, documenting street style. Shockingly he once took my photo on
5th Ave. So shocked, I can’t remember what I was wearing. His life was
dedicated to his passion. Loved by all. Will be missed by all.
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