14 July 2014
It's Team Work, Stupid

Before the World Cup began I told everyone who would listen, and there were
few of them I hasten to add, that Germany would win. With no research, no
reading, no statistics; luck? Not enough as I didn’t rush off to my local betting
office. Verdammt! Germany vs Brazil match has clearly been seared into
everyone’s memory. Beyond thrilling.  German goalkeeper Neuer, named the
best keeper at Brazil 2014; brilliant.

Match Making

Yahoo has reported that Ex-Waity has been advising Harry’s ex. Really? Oh
come now.

From what we had previously read, Ex-W was raaaaaaaaather insistent (read
this with her new royal accent if you will - or Pippa’s) that Cressida Bonas
wasn't competition she could ‘warm to’. ROTFL here. Wills informed Harry that
his romantic choice simply wouldn’t work. End of. Ex-W didn’t approve.

Naturally she wouldn’t, would she. CB, aristocratic ‘I don’t care what you think
of me really’ independent, bohemian-ish just wouldn’t fall behind Ex-W in the
hierarchy of royal life. The 25-year-old has had a much more interesting
‘heritage’ than Ex-W; daughter of 1960’s model Lady Mary Gaye Curzon and
Old Harrovian businessman Jeffrey Bonas.

Now magazine sources tell us that Ex-W has been giving ‘how to get your
man back’ tips. CB needs to ‘look stunning and sexy’ to win Harry back. Back
after CB ended the relationship in April, supposedly so that she could ‘have a
life’. Ex-W is trying to get the couple to re-couple. Really? Oh dear. What will
Ex-W do if Cressida moves to the US as has been reported.

Ex-W thinks CB should make Harry see what he’s missing – sound familiar?
That was Carole Middleton’s method. Carole added another element: she
stayed crawlingly close to Wills – as an ‘advisor’.

Could it be that Ex-W wants to keep her past rival close? Wills’ former
girlfriend, actress/model Isabella Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe just happens to
be CB’s half-sister. Hmmmm. Just asking.

Oh those mysterious sources say that Ex-W has ‘taken Bonas under her wing’.
Oh enough rubbish for one day.

Stop Right There

With the latest ‘anti-terrorist’ argument, US Homeland Security runs the world.
Oh, as if you didn’t know. Travel writer, Simon Calder is here to remind those
who didn’t.

“Some folks are worried about the number of laws said to be imposed on Britain
by the European Commission, in matters aeronautical the Americans hold
sway...all airport security issues in the UK are the responsibility of the
Department for Transport, not Washington. Yet the US evidently feels it can call
the shots on aviation security worldwide.”

If you don’t follow their rules, you’re not getting in. So. Don’t go.

Renovation Rewind

Billionaire Bernie Ecclestone’s heiress daughter, Petra Stunt, is house
renovating mad. LA, London and god knows where else. Hard to keep track.

Her latest is a £60m 14 bedroom Chelsea home. 14 bedrooms for...? Dogs?
Shoes? Makeup? Another £25m was necessary to make it perfect. Crucially an
underground car park to house her husband’s fleet of precious cars, a new
wing featuring a mandatory state-of-the-art gym and of course a swimming
pool. How could one live without those simple necessities.  Or live contentedly.

Gosh. Trouble in paradise. Paul Fleury, good friend (clue) and builder (second
clue) who had worked on projects for the Ecclestone family decided to increase
familial ties by appropriating an extra £1.6m. Bernie being a virtuous role model
and all.

Fleury was offered a new place of abode - jailed for nine months after living like
the über rich, buying foreign properties, cars, strippers and prostitutes (third
clue). As you do. More than £100,000 in one week on smarmy ‘gentlemen’s’
clubs. Ew. Erasing images now.

Neighbours noticed he and his wife had started to splash the cash (fourth clue).
Luxury cars, personalised number plates – always a dead giveaway. Hmmm.
Wondering how Mrs Stunt (not quite sure about the name change) noticed the
missing £1.6 million. Surely not easy when you have billions to keep track of.

It’s in the Post     
So. MPs ‘botched’ the selling, or specifically, the ideologically privatising of the
Royal Mail. Oh really. ‘Botched’? Really? A private deal that left us, the
taxpayer, remember us, short-changed by £1billion. That doesn’t need
repeating, does it?

Vince Cable is terribly busy trying unsuccessfully to prove it was a good deal.
For whom, Vince? You and who else exactly? VC said that Government
advisers were marketing the float.

Shares were sold to investors at 330p which naturally shot up 38% immediately
and peaked at 615p.

Labour’s Chuka Umunna’s view: “They are proclaiming the privatisation was a
success – well I’d hate to see what failure looks like.” Look at the state of the
country, CU.

We’re All in it Together – Again

PM CallMeDave issued emergency surveillance legislation. “Quickly. Quickly.
Before the peasants notice.” “No worries, Dave. They won’t care or even
notice.” “Right, Nick.” So it’s cross-party collusion. Labour, the Lib Dems, the
Tories all agree. What? Clearly Nick thought we’d forget the Lib Dems blocked
the bill last year.

Big Brother Dave has revived the controversial ‘snoopers’ charter’ to save us
from organised crime, dangerous criminals, hostage takers (huh?) and oh yes,
unknown terrorists. Oh dear. Loads of lorries filled with fake Louis Vuitton
handbags on the way. Goodness me.

You know the drill: internet service providers will store records of every – every
website visited by subscribers in the past 12 months and lest we forget – social
media. The privatisation of information as usual.

Now you just know those planning on the total destruction of Britain will be
meticulously emailing each other the plans. Really?

Best you create a code not easy to decipher to communicate I should think.

Superlative whistle-blower Edward Snowden has told us that  mass surveillance
is pointless and ultimately dangerous. Piling on masses of information interferes
with the efficiency of traditional methods that have proven to work.

"So what's extraordinary about this law being passed in the UK is that it very
closely mirrors the Protect America Act 2007 that was passed in the United
States at the request of the National Security Agency, after the warrantless wire-
tapping programme, which was unlawful and unconstitutional, was revealed...
And we don't have time to debate it, despite the fact that this was not a priority,
this was not an issue that needed to be discussed at all, for an entire year. It
defies belief."

At the same time leader of the Commons, Andrew Lansley (always a favourite...
the demise of the NHS et al), is blocking a debate on whether to make MPs
accountable to the parliamentary standards committee for exceptional
wrongdoing in their ‘private and personal lives’. Nothing to do with the recently
revealed Westminster paedophile ring then. Surely they’ll be happy as laughing
Buddhas that they won’t be included in the government’s surveillance sweep.

Too Close to Home

Whilst on the subject of world-domination and control - sinister and scary, can’t
look away but probably should, the second series of the very dark
begins on channel 4 Monday 14 July. (Be reassured; the British version.) Evil
rules the world? No surprise there. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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