Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
This Sporting Life - 28 February 2010

“’My dog ate my homework’ I mean my mother-in-law made me do it.”

Cheryl and Ashley…Ashley and Cheryl…Cheryl and Ashley… argh.  Bombarded from every
media source until déjà vu has become the norm with the footballer’s sexual antics and Cheryl’s
‘shocking’ decision to remove her wedding ring and opt for a quickie – divorce.

She traded in her Wag status for her solo singing career, leaving Girls Aloud and the love rat on
their own…for the moment.

He sent photos on his mobile to another woman displaying pleasure in his pants, denied their
were his pants, he had sex with anyone capable of breathing without a ventilator in hotel rooms
adjacent to his team mates and that’s just for starters. Blamed his sexual appetite on Tiger’s
sexual addiction and then on his mother-in-law. Really. Now poor Ashley is suffering with
depression… ah… and is threatening to quit Chelsea… ah. Really. It has been reported that he
won’t be admonished, fined, sold or sent to a Siberian gulag by Russian oligarch owner, Roman
Abramovich… ah.

While fellow Chelsea football love rat John Terry has chosen to show his “I can shag anybody,
anytime, in any combination I want and my long-suffering wife and two little twin girls are always
so proud” position by sporting a new quasi-‘70’s-Mohawk. Really. But ex-best friend/ex-team
mate, Wayne Bridge was unimpressed sensing it was not a demonstration of self-loathing,
remorse or regret, he pointedly refused to shake Terry’s hand as part of the pre-game ritual; he
shook that of the child next to Terry instead.  Bridge has quit the England team with three months
before the World Cup after demoted captain Terry had slept with Bridge’s ex wife and mother to
his three-year old son, she aborted their child, he bought her silence and attempted to play
happy families for the press. Bridge said his position was ‘untenable and potentially divisive’ and
he owed it to his little son not to reconfigure Terry’s face. Our optimism and enthusiasm for our
chance to win the World Cup are gradually diminishing through injury or infamy.

Faulty opening ceremony, dubious death, blinding fog, no snow, torrential rains, home team
winning loads of medals after loads of extra practice time, repetitious tapes on Eurosport,
Canadian commentator repeatedly expressing herself eloquently – “fur shurrrr”…an Olympics to
remember…or not. But ski cross and snowboard cross saved the day or days of luge coverage.
England won one metal. Ah ‘this sporting life’….