LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
23 February 2019
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Split the Ticket

The deed is done. The split is final. As you know, seven Labour supporters took
away their support of the Jeremy Corbyn Party. Hmmm. What they have
achieved is unclear. What they will achieve is unclear, but it certainly is clear it
makes this mess messier, JC in more trouble, and at least interesting.

The Independent Group has announced that half of the electorate say there is a
need for a new party and 40% say they are likely to vote for it. Hmm.

Angela Smith did have a point at the press conference when she said JC and
many around him are privately educated, middle class types who both
“patronise” the poor and fail to understand working class aspiration.

Smith said she is from a Labour-supporting, working-class family who were
ambitious for her. “Most people are like my family. They do not want to be
patronised by left-wing intellectuals who think that being poor and working-class
is a state of grace.” So there.

The magic number for the Group is 36 - the point at which they would overtake
the SNP as Parliament's third largest grouping, bringing with it speaking rights
every week at PMQs, select committee chair posts, public funds.

Theresa. A third of Tory MPs were unhappy at the party's direction. Clue
Theresa: NO to no-deal Brexit!!! And Jezza? Well he wants revenge for those
traitors not falling on their knees and appointing him Marxist prophet. It could all
get very – erm – interesting – very soon.

Under Wraps

Not quite ‘a wrap’ but definitely wrapped up. Sorry. Couldn’t resist. London
Fashion Week brought out the duvets – to wear. Duvet scarves to be specific.
Blanket scarves, blankets worn over coats, quilted overcoats. Swaddled in all
sorts of overstuffed outerwear.

Clothes you could wear to bed when you can’t afford to turn on the heat.
It’s been termed a
wardrobe for survivalists. Blimey! Serious business here.
Designer Serbian Roksanda Ilincic said: “We live in a time of crisis. This about
the anxiety we all feel.” Yes. You know - Brexit anxiety… political anxiety with JC
and Theresa manically running their own bound to fail parties.

Best to remember one of the many – and I do mean many – quotes from Karl
Lagerfeld: “
Don’t dress to kill, dress to survive.” Aptly put. At least Choupette,   
his cat don’t you know, will stay very very warm. He has left it £2m. Ahhhhh.
Hand over that furry wrap. Is that rabbit? Choupette is chilly.

Thanks a Million

Flash? Attention seeking? Vulgar? Oh really. Never! After complaining about all
that ‘intrusion’. “Oh Haaaaarrrrrry. Do something. Act like a prince! I only want
the press to follow me everywhere when I orchestrate it. Is that the right word?
Huh?”

Megan managed to go all Hollywood for her $200,000 million ‘secret’ baby
shower. As you do. Well that certainly helps with the royal finances. Babygros et
al. Thank you Serena Williams who paid for it. All of it then??? At least we didn’t
pay out £383,000 for those private jets. Supposedly human rights lawyer Alma
Clooney did, while the Firm ‘cleverly’ declined to give any official information
about her security detail invoice. No ‘
green hypocrisy’ here… with more private
jets lined up for H&MM. Well, it’s not as if the Royals don’t splash the cash. They
hide it better until they are caught out. Oh the Queen must be so ‘not amused’.
“Did she take any of my tiaras with her? Is she sharing them with her American
staff? Oh. Friends you say? Indeed.”

Ostentatious partying for five nights. Who knew baby showers took five days?
£121,600 for five nights that is. Well, it is Nuuuu Yaaawwwk. And yes,
no Dad.
Oh and no Mum either
. But “high-profile A-list celebs”, her “closest pals”
attended. Really? Her stylist, make-up artist, designer, fitness trainer “to the
stars” and oh yes, Amal Clooney. Impressive. Ah. Show biz. Desperate, entitled
desire for attention - not such a good look really.

Back in MM’s blog days, remember them? OK. You don’t. Just as well. Here are
some she surely has used herself.
Take notes.

“Pack a scarf or blanket that “feels like a hug.” Eye-rolling. “Throw it in your
purse or backpack, and no matter how far you travel, you will always feel
comforted both on and off the plane with something that feels and smells like
home. This has become invaluable to me when
catching some Zzzzzs on a flight,
or feeling swaddled in a hotel room.”

Ready for more? Oh come on now. Don’t you want to
know her secret! of her
landing fresh-faced after being in the air? “Pack your favourite multi-use stick
and face spritz for a quick touch up on cheeks, lips and face when you land.”

Now how to ward off all that foreign bacteria. “
I’m no germophobe [sic], but
when I get on a plane I always use some quick hand wipes or a travel sanitiser
spray to wipe it all down. That includes the little TV, the service tray, and all the
buttons around your seat. Sure, the person next to you may give you a side eye,
but at the end of the flight, you’ll be the one
whistling dixie with nary a sniffle.”
Side eye? Whistling? With nary? Oh dear me. You’re cringing. Hopefully she is
sharing these unique, never tried before tricks on Harry.

Endless queues at airports, grounded flights for days, stranded angry
passengers, added taxes, visas – just some of the warnings for travellers in the
event of a no-deal Brexit. And if thinking of avoiding the airport chaos, the FT
has said that there would be 15,000 travellers creating a mile long queue for the
Eurostar. Oh help MM. Surely you can sort this.

Back to the cat heiress, Choupette, who is a fashion icon in her own right. She
has amassed a following of over 100k across her unofficial social media
accounts and eponymous blog, Choupette’s Diary. Did you get that? Her blog…

Uh, Meghan. Karl would have said: ‘you looked stupid in that US ubiquitous
baseball cap. So unroyal.’ Possibly on Choupette’s blog.
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