LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
24 September 2011
1. It's So Wrong

Naked ‘lesbians’ rolling around in jelly (colour?), dwarfs flying through the air
(costumed?); the perfect recreational environment to ‘relax’ and ‘let off steam’
for testosterone-driven, boys-will-be-boys, idiot rugby players. After feeling the
need to fondle, snog, seduce his ‘new best friend’, Mike Tindall, married 7
weeks ago to the Queen’s granddaughter Zara Philips, locked the blonde in a
wrestling hold to smother her with moist kisses and then dragged her out of the
club. The bouncer who photographed the incident (arrested as a result) didn’t
follow to see where they went; dark alley, hotel room? But all just innocent fun
surely. What a lovely guy.

With all those millionaires/billionaires who spend their lives accruing as much
money as possible and world leaders are collectively devoid of any ideas as to
how to save the world from plunging into the abyss of a decade long
depression. Perfect. What the world needs now is more men in suits out of
touch with the reality we all live in. As presenter/journalist Jon Snow keeps
asking those who know - who repeatedly ignore his repeated question: ‘Why
aren’t the bankers in jail?’ And why aren’t they?

But no worries. The latest, new and improved, largest in Europe, £1.45bn
Australian owned Westfield shopping centre is setting all Olympic records in the
Olympic Park. One million the first week. Oh dear. One could despair. Doors
had to be shut for an hour, exit only entrances created, nine hour Mexican
restaurant queuing, crushing bottlenecks, massive crowd control out of control.
‘Shop till you drop’ has taken on a whole new meaning; culture at its lowest
point surely.

The last series of
Spooks. Oh no. Ten years, (only) six episodes, the
introduction of an American-look-alike senior spook. Argh. Who took that
decision? Lovely Lara Pulver, a Brit actress straight from a few years in the
US, has brought back her enormous overly-coiffed tresses and perfect make-
up. Is she Richard (aka Lucas) Armitage’s eye-candy replacement? No
contest. He was brilliant even if terribly good looking. LP and her silly tresses
are set to be the love interest in
Sherlock next year. Oh no. So wrong on so
many levels. But back to the basic problem: her hair. Surely there must be a
minimum of 5 hair stylists hovering at all times. In her first scene, Lara’s locks
have been twirled and curled and perfectly placed on her shoulders for
maximum effect. But what is the desired effect? Why do women have ridiculous
hair? Eludes me. Maybe Harry – or better – Ruth will reveal all before they are
blown into small pieces. Please.

REM breaks up after 31 years. RIP.
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