LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
20 October 2013
So Wrong


“You are required to leave the UK as you no longer have the right to remain”
was a text sent by the Home Office via incompetent outsourcing company,
Capita, to legal immigrants who have lived here for years. No, not oops; yes,
idiots.

Over 100 people have complained. A good example of The Home Office trying
to make an example of an anti-racism campaigner/immigration caseworker at a
London law firm living in Britain since 1966. Clever.

Capita suggests those who are legal get in touch to “update their records”.

****

“Look at me, look at my flat tummy and my amazing 89 day weight loss...look at
me” perfectly-coiffed Ex-Waity apparently couldn’t resist acting like a future
queen (indeed) jumping in 4” £245 wedges, skinny £145 jeggings, £85 T-shirt,
£369 blazer, crowned with £695 diamond earrings totalling £1,539 to
demonstrate how sporty she is at a sports workshop run by SportsAid, a charity
which supports young athletes at the start of their carers. Did I mention it was a
charity? The woman just screams ‘class’.

The young badminton players had been told she would join in with them in a
game, but she declined. She told them ‘she had played before as she wanted to
try and see whether it was like tennis, but she said she found it much harder.'
Really? No really? I think not. ‘She wanted to give it a go but said she would
bring better footwear next time. She said it would be hard to fence in those
shoes’. She couldn’t work out how to take them off?

The patron of the charity, Ex-W told her enraptured audience: “I must
remember to bring my trainers next time, this is great fun”. Oh pull my other leg.
Not prepared for her well-publicised event then?

****

In keeping with their standard energy policy, British Gas put up their prices
10.6% for their 8 million customers as a pre-Christmas/New year present.
Ribbons and wrappings considered excessive.

True to form, the managing director of the British Gas' owner Centrica, Chris
Weston, refused to forgo his £2 million bonus. As you do when you can. Head
of residential energy, Ian Peters, recommended that his customers could avoid
higher bills by using less energy. "The amount you pay depends not on the
price, but on how much gas and electricity you use." Really? Now I am
enlightened...but not warmer.

While this arrogant git’s suggestion may make anyone’s blood boil, it won’t
keep them warm – or have any effect.

PM CallMeDave advises that those who experience cold when their houses/flats
are unheated should ‘put on another jumper’. How many is too many, Dave, as
they huddle around the fire made from burning their furniture? Insulting?
Patronising? Oh surely not. Living on Planet Tory? Surely. Energy Secretary,
Ed Davey, told us that he wears a jumper at home. Really? Let’s see: winter...
cold temperatures... shivering... losing consciousness... vital organ shutdown...
woolly jumpers... hmmm...are you sure, Ed?

The government keep trying that “simply switch providers” line. Clearly they are
unaware that all the providers are in collusion and plan equal or higher
increases to follow.

So it’s a matter of ‘heat or eat’. Now that the Red Cross has come to Britain the
first time since the second World War to help and food banks are now
becoming a common-place necessity – the MPs can rest easy in their cosy
over-heated mansions in their summery shorts and shirts. Don’t forget the flip-
flops.

****

Worth £3.5 billion, flip-flop wearing Sir Richard Branson is moving to his
Necker Island in the British Virgin Islands so that he will live longer. Paying
taxes surely causes stress and anxiety for one of the richest men in the world.

As we have heard before, his headmaster fortuitously said when he left school
at 16: “Congratulations, Branson – I predict you will either go to prison or
become a millionaire.”

Well he avoided prison when it was discovered that he had been undercutting
other mail-order record companies by selling stock in the UK marked for export
to avoid purchase taxes. Lovely. In 1971 he was fined £20,000 and forced to
pay £40,000 in taxes – £1m in today's money – for a tax scam with his original
record shop, Virgin Records.

Brand ‘cool/rebellious/hippyish/I’m one of you’ has been absurdly successful.
The public bought the act.

Possibly wrapped in the Union flag, Sir Rich in his own words: “I don’t think
people should be leaving the UK because of our tax system. In the current
economic climate it would be wrong if George Osborne was lowering taxes for
the rich.”

RB plans to do all sorts of activities that he can only do on his island: not shave,
grow his hair, eat, sleep, play dominos, pilates, walk and talk, where “my family
and I are able to truly relax”. Right.
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