|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
8 February 2015
|When Size Matters
Surely you have heard that when Prince Charles becomes King, he wants to
streamline the monarchy and make it more user-friendly. His first decree
possibly? Commentators interpret that to mean that streamlining would include
users like the voraciously royal-climbing ambitious Middletons then? All of them!
But what to do about Randy Andy? Oh you know. The sobriquet previously used
for the repeatedly unsavoury Prince Andrew. Critics of Ex-Waity point out that
she lives the luxury lifestyle of a pampered princess and that Ex-W is in fact the
laziest, free-loading member of the royal family. Pampered princess? No.
Really? Lazy, free-loading? No. Really.
Quelle dilemma. What's a duchess to do? No more two, or was it three, peasant-
paid lavish luxury holidays a month? Duchess duties can be ever so exhausting.
Come on now. A wave of empathy from all.
A spokesman for Charles recently told the Daily Mail: “The Prince of Wales
cares deeply about this country and has devoted most of his working life to
helping individuals and organisations to make a difference for the better – and
not for his personal gain. He takes an active interest in the issues and
challenges facing the UK and around the world through his own work and that of
his charities.” 'Oops. 'Not for his personal gain'. Could be the very catalyst....
Boys Will Be Boys
Chancellor Georgie-Boy has been revealing his 'inner child' and I'm not referring
to his ridiculous hair style.
Evidently G-B doesn't acknowledge the ubiquitous queuing system at lunchtime
at the canteen. The entitled toff literally steals the last plate of any one option on
offer. According to Popbitch, 'those waiting in the queue miss out. George has
done this to one particular individual so often that they're finding it hard to
believe that this isn't some sort of personal vendetta'. So mature; so puerile. The
boy has no manners.
One of PM CallMeDave's protection officers says CMD is "rude
and sweary". Charming don't you reckon? We know he has a terrible-two's
temper. So mature - so puerile. The boy has no manners.
Full Moon Rising
And now for something completely different. Maybe not. The US government has
taken steps to encourage the commercialisation of the moon. No, really.
They want to offer territorial take-overs of the moon to US companies.
Multinationals could set up habitats via exclusive rights to claimed territory. Not
exactly a new policy is it. Decades and decades of 'your land is my land' so why
not the moon? Who wouldn't want Starbucks, Apple, KFC, Google Earth to stake
their claims? No more man-in-the-moon likeness, more McDonald arches-on-the-
moon. Yikes! Big moon, Big Macs. Yuck and scary.
The knives are out and the knives are in, although it's getting a bit crammed with
all those knives protruding from Ed's back. Knives are the preferred weapon of
criminal intent in the UK, but this is all a bit too much really.
Labour hopeful Ed Miliband has been dragged, hauled, raked over the coals and
we have more than two months to go, actually suffer, before the general election.
There appears to be a systematic collusion to ensure a Tory ideologically-driven
victory. So much for voting for the party, not the man, but then the US political
process of spin and superficiality has replaced the traditional UK concept. Oh
dear. Poor Ed will never escape the Wallace and Gromit allusion will he.
Everybody, no really, everybody has stepped all over each other to prevent Ed
from every becoming PM. Carphone Warehouse, M&S, Pizza Hut, Patisserie
Valerie, B&Q, Blairites, billionaires, millionaires, ex-ministers, donors, displeased
people from his past, commentators, comedians. Oh dear. I have to stop
because the list is seemingly endless. It's becoming a try-your-luck circus
venue: "Got him!" "Now I've got him!" They are en masse revelling at his possible
demise - or dunking.
Along with the usual suspects - The Times, the Telegraph, the Daily Mail, the
Sun, but blimey! - even the Guardian, the Independent, and the i have all joined
in the competition to kill off Ed. And then there's the BBC bias. The not so above
reproach Newsnight's Kirsty Wark (who had her political neutrality questioned
years back) and the Tory sycophant broadcaster/journalist Andrew Marr
struggled to see who could undermine the Labour Party the most effectively. It
was not pretty - and neither were they.
The Tories-to-win-at-any-cost are calling Ed dangerous and daft. Curious
combination don't you think? I'm thinking more daft than dangerous, but then his
brother David (remember him?) would choose dangerous. And on the subject of
finances, the super-rich have taken to venomously castigate Ed as 'bad for
business' - OK, catastrophic. More like bad for their tax structure havens and the
tax cuts promised by the Tories.
Time to fall on your sword, Ed?