|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
20 May 2017
|A Shotgun Wedding
Only if they all went fox hunting after, or before. However, it’s over. The world
press apparently has been obsessed with the wedding of the decade, century –
oh, that was her sister’s wasn’t it?
Pointless Pippa – oh really do you need to be reminded that she wrote in one of
those pathetically sad panned books, articles, whatever that “sharp-bladed
scissors” are best for cutting wrapping paper. And here I was, simply shredding
off the pieces I needed with my teeth for my wedding present.
Where was I? Oh yes. Pointless Pippa married uber-rich financier whomever.
Hmmm. £100,000 for that greenhouse. It’s reported the dress cost £40,000.
Really. Admit it. It’s gauche; £40,000. Wait. There were two. Out-doing her
It rather makes you wonder if the terribly rich ever think of anyone else? Oh
say, single mothers on benefits whose benefits are being reduced, the disabled
whose benefits are being reduced, the homeless who have no benefits? Ha ha
ha. Oh silly me. It’s so much more important to wallow in self-aggrandisement
innit? £250,000’s worth of vulgarity.
Oh that Machiavellian Mother. Carole should go down in history shouldn’t she?
Look at the results of her single-minded manically ambitious striving. If you could
bear it. But then, there is James left and that will be rather tricky. Don’t worry.
She’s clearly up to the challenge.
Is it Mayism or Maoism or Moi Moi Moi?
Who knew we were going to elect a president? I know, I know we are the 51st
state, but god is it irritating. What parties? It’s mano a mano. And god is it
endless. I want to say ‘wake me when it’s over’, but I don’t think I’ll want to.
The Tories are determined to stay in power for at least the next 25 years.
Theresa is determined to totally annihilate the Labour party. Theresa is
determined to totally annihilate Ukip. Oh please, do I have to say the obvious?
OK. Hint: autocracy/plutocracy/monocracy thus the death of democracy.
Time to review a few facts, so look away now if you just can’t stand it. Marxist
May has stolen traditional Labour policies. Curious in that evidently she was
close to hysteria when the word ‘socialist’ was even alluded to when at
university. Good Christian that Theresa.
The Tory toffs laughed, derided, mocked Labour’s flagship idea of energy caps
- so ‘Marxist’, minimum wage, corporate pay, the NHS, a national infrastructure
commission, a national living wage, grandparents sharing parental leave, taxing
employers to fund apprenticeships – this last one was considered too left by
So the kind, caring, compassionate, cuddly – oh that was CallMeDave –
Conservatives get your vote? But there’s always: “There are many reasons why
people go to food banks.” They like the comradery? The atmosphere? They like
to laugh and point at those using them – oh right, those would be Tories. So
Theresa will kill off Ukip and Labour. Theresa channelling Thatcher plus Ayn
Rand? Oh wait. Theresa’s not advocating their main policy of selfish
individualism is she? She’s now a Labour spin-off.
Silencing the Scientists
“We are extremely concerned that the public are being denied access to the
best experts at the time they are most needed”, this the letter signed by groups
including: the Royal Statistical Society, Royal Institution of Great Britain, British
Pharmacological Society, British Science Association and Association of
Medical Research Charities, the Science Media Centre, Association of British
Science Writers, Campaign for Science and Engineering, Sense about
Science, Medical Journalists’ Association, The Winton Centre for Risk and
Evidence Communication, and Full Fact. Impressive enough?
“We the undersigned write to seek urgent clarification around the application of
‘purdah’ to scientists,” the letter to Sir Jeremy said.
If you have forgotten: Purdah is the pre-election period in the UK, specifically
the time between an announced election and the final election results which
affects civil servants. In other words, scientists have been ‘gagged’. Climate
change? What climate change? Pollution? What pollution? It’s an honour being
worse than Mexico.
F*** You, Theresa.
Fracking in Theresa’s manifesto? Did we know this? We do now. I am losing the
will to live. No. seriously. Perspective? Did we know that France, Germany,
Netherlands, Bulgaria, Italy, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Australia, China,
Denmark, New Zealand, Poland, Luxembourg, Spain, Switzerland, Wales,
Tunisia, Ukraine, Republic of Ireland, South Africa, Rumania, parts of Canada,
parts of the US have banned fracking? No we didn’t.
She has secret plans – when are they not secret? – to by-pass the anti-fracking
residents who don’t want to die prematurely. Oh really. Where’s their patriotism?
Aren’t they listening to Theresa? P a t r i o t i s m. Got it?
A Figure of Fun
Oh Mikey. Ex-education secretary has a problem with maths. One of our
favourite Tory toffs was being interviewed by LBC’s Nick Ferrari and after Diane
Abbott’s major mess, shouldn’t he have learned? Note: education secretary- get
It’s Nick Ferrari for god’s sake. Mikey had no idea how much it would cost firms
hiring non-EU migrants. It’s £1,000 to £2,000 Mikey. “…I don’t have the exact
figure of what it costs at the moment.” And how many non-EU migrants arriving
in the UK? Mikey got the figures for costs and migration wrong. Nick corrected
the major Leave campaigner: “Not very well prepared by your standard, Mr
Gove.” Or ours.
Trouble in Pastoral Paradise?
Evidently now some Tory voters are now swearing to vote – well, for any party
but Theresa’s. Why? Clue: Oh Theresa. Is that your kitten heel dug into the neck
of a nearly dead fox your fox hunting fans are holding down? Possibly. We’re
back to fox hunting again.
When asked by Robert Preston on telly she proudly said she had “always
supported fox hunting” and that she would give Parliament a vote on bringing
back the animal killings.
Theresa said foxes must be killed and that hunting them with dogs is the most
humane way of doing so: “Some of the other forms of dealing with foxes can be
cruel…” Such as: Machetes? AK47s? Cricket bats? She said she did not
consider the issue “important”. Well, it is to some voters.
Having a Bad Hair Day?
Has anyone noticed that Boris’ hair has gone so far passed the plausibility test
that he could be confused with The Orange One? Not just ‘the hair’, but all that
lack of editing could cause confusion. Oh wait. The Donald doesn’t speak Latin
does he? You can smile here if you want to. No pressure.
I think Boris might want to wear a hat before a bird sees that ratty mess as a
potential nest. My god he looks incredulously ridiculous. And that’s without his
usual unedited comments. When Boris lets his hair down, he puts his foot in
mouth... plus ça change….