 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
Dirty Sexy Money - 5 April 2008
The Arts Council has been axing grants for art organisations faster than a Guinness Book of
Records challenge. More than fifty arts organisations in London have lost millions.
“Be alert. Axe coming down.” One centre had its entire grant - £40,000 – wiped out with one
swing. The method appears to be totally arbitrary, but their new blackmail endeavour clearly isn’t.
They are requiring on their new grant forms the sexual preferences of the museum and theatre
trustees. That bears repeating: they are requiring on their new grant forms the sexual
preferences of the trustees. Purely for government purposes you understand. What government
purposes exactly? Purely prurient purposes perhaps?
Possible scenarios: “Favourite colour is blue? Perhaps Yves Klein Blue? Do you have fantasies
of rolling around naked with friends after being painted blue? Close friends? From your
organisation? Other women possibly? Shall we put you down as a lesbian then? How much do
you reckon the paper and paint will cost?”
“Have you always imagined yourself in a Bill Viola video…naked? With a friend? Erm. Have you
seen that six hour tape?”
“What about Beckett? Do you like him? The two of you, waiting for Godot…naked? Do you
regard yourself as gay? Are you out? We’ll simply place a cross in that box, shall we?”
Board members are given the choices: heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian or ‘unknown’.
Unknown by the person, by the public, by the government?
The council’s rationale of its new funding method: it is necessary to know if applicants were
representative. Council grant director, Audrey Roy: “We see diversity as broader than race,
ethnicity, faith and disability.” Sex orientation? What the bloody hell is he on about? Will the
trustees be privy to Audrey’s sexual proclivities?
Vanessa Redgrave said: “Everyone should put down ‘trisexual’, whoever you are. Britain has
become the world’s leading population of trisexuals.”
This could prove too stimulating for council members… unless they are collectively fantasizing
about Max Mosley, president of motor racing’s governing body the FIA, whose Nazi-inspired-five-
hour-long-dungeon-orgies-involving-five-prostitutes swacking his bottom have come to light. Does
that qualify as a conceptual art piece? I don’t reckon he filled in a form.
The Arts Council has been axing grants for art organisations faster than a Guinness Book of
Records challenge. More than fifty arts organisations in London have lost millions.
“Be alert. Axe coming down.” One centre had its entire grant - £40,000 – wiped out with one
swing. The method appears to be totally arbitrary, but their new blackmail endeavour clearly isn’t.
They are requiring on their new grant forms the sexual preferences of the museum and theatre
trustees. That bears repeating: they are requiring on their new grant forms the sexual
preferences of the trustees. Purely for government purposes you understand. What government
purposes exactly? Purely prurient purposes perhaps?
Possible scenarios: “Favourite colour is blue? Perhaps Yves Klein Blue? Do you have fantasies
of rolling around naked with friends after being painted blue? Close friends? From your
organisation? Other women possibly? Shall we put you down as a lesbian then? How much do
you reckon the paper and paint will cost?”
“Have you always imagined yourself in a Bill Viola video…naked? With a friend? Erm. Have you
seen that six hour tape?”
“What about Beckett? Do you like him? The two of you, waiting for Godot…naked? Do you
regard yourself as gay? Are you out? We’ll simply place a cross in that box, shall we?”
Board members are given the choices: heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian or ‘unknown’.
Unknown by the person, by the public, by the government?
The council’s rationale of its new funding method: it is necessary to know if applicants were
representative. Council grant director, Audrey Roy: “We see diversity as broader than race,
ethnicity, faith and disability.” Sex orientation? What the bloody hell is he on about? Will the
trustees be privy to Audrey’s sexual proclivities?
Vanessa Redgrave said: “Everyone should put down ‘trisexual’, whoever you are. Britain has
become the world’s leading population of trisexuals.”
This could prove too stimulating for council members… unless they are collectively fantasizing
about Max Mosley, president of motor racing’s governing body the FIA, whose Nazi-inspired-five-
hour-long-dungeon-orgies-involving-five-prostitutes swacking his bottom have come to light. Does
that qualify as a conceptual art piece? I don’t reckon he filled in a form.
