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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
You Can't Be Se-e-e-e-e-e-r-r-rrrious - 1 July 2008
My idea of tennis hell used to be Tracy Austin’s whiny inane commentary in combination with
Sharapova’s orgiastic shrieks. Argh. “Oh look. She returned the ball!” Not so Sharapova. She
was knocked out faster than you could say “Sorry Serena. I just had to do it!” Not this year,
darling. “There’s the little peanut…” referring to the 11 year old daughter of a player. In Britain
the ‘peanut’ would have sex next week and be pregnant by 12. “He has ants in his pants.” I think
that says enough.
But hell now is with the crude and rude. Look away now. At first Andy the-creep Murray looked
like he was in tennis hell… a sad Scot suffering so… although not without his trade-mark-
stomach-churning grimaces… barbarian at the gates or perhaps cut-out clown at the fair. Primal
instinct transcends reason with the desire to smash him into submission with his own racket until
he ceases to ape his mother’s chimp-like facial contortions. Or - tennis racket propelled in the
direction of his posterior. I only dream.
The majority anti-Andy crowd have changed their collective minds. With an intense spin campaign
- “How can we make those stupid English get behind our churlish pre-pubescent to ensure him
winning?” trying to trick the forgiving public with a ‘girlfriend’, ‘friends’ and tut tut - a dog (now that
is going just too far) plus Murray screeching demands, “Come on! Come on!” to the crowds.
Why would Brits embrace the ugly little git to their collective hearts with the enthusiasm of lottery
winners when he openly hates England? (Lest we forget he tried to make a Faustian pact to
insure that England would lose every match in the last World Cup. Such short memories.) And
then there was the anti-Gasquet vocalizing loud and continuous enough to have ears bleeding…
disgraceful really. The French number-one. Shame on you sheep.
Totally oafish, charmless, surly, rude, immature, arrogant, foot in mouth (if only) Murray has
been placed on Centre Court for the fourth consecutive time demonstrating clear favouritism.
More successful spin? While defending champion Venus Williams and sister Serena found
themselves relegated to the obviously far less prestigious Court Two. Serena won 2002, 2003…
Venus 2000, 2001, 2005, 2007. Not just the usual misogyny then? Lovely.
Nadal may have that cringe-making habit of ‘re-adjusting’ his pants…thong…whatever (yuck), but
Murray’s strong-arm-tactics, i.e., pulling up his teenage-boy-T-shirt to show of his bicep – ha
was just embarrassing. Has he never noticed Nadal’s bionic arm? Hopefully he’ll receive the full
brunt Wednesday.
My idea of tennis hell used to be Tracy Austin’s whiny inane commentary in combination with
Sharapova’s orgiastic shrieks. Argh. “Oh look. She returned the ball!” Not so Sharapova. She
was knocked out faster than you could say “Sorry Serena. I just had to do it!” Not this year,
darling. “There’s the little peanut…” referring to the 11 year old daughter of a player. In Britain
the ‘peanut’ would have sex next week and be pregnant by 12. “He has ants in his pants.” I think
that says enough.
But hell now is with the crude and rude. Look away now. At first Andy the-creep Murray looked
like he was in tennis hell… a sad Scot suffering so… although not without his trade-mark-
stomach-churning grimaces… barbarian at the gates or perhaps cut-out clown at the fair. Primal
instinct transcends reason with the desire to smash him into submission with his own racket until
he ceases to ape his mother’s chimp-like facial contortions. Or - tennis racket propelled in the
direction of his posterior. I only dream.
The majority anti-Andy crowd have changed their collective minds. With an intense spin campaign
- “How can we make those stupid English get behind our churlish pre-pubescent to ensure him
winning?” trying to trick the forgiving public with a ‘girlfriend’, ‘friends’ and tut tut - a dog (now that
is going just too far) plus Murray screeching demands, “Come on! Come on!” to the crowds.
Why would Brits embrace the ugly little git to their collective hearts with the enthusiasm of lottery
winners when he openly hates England? (Lest we forget he tried to make a Faustian pact to
insure that England would lose every match in the last World Cup. Such short memories.) And
then there was the anti-Gasquet vocalizing loud and continuous enough to have ears bleeding…
disgraceful really. The French number-one. Shame on you sheep.
Totally oafish, charmless, surly, rude, immature, arrogant, foot in mouth (if only) Murray has
been placed on Centre Court for the fourth consecutive time demonstrating clear favouritism.
More successful spin? While defending champion Venus Williams and sister Serena found
themselves relegated to the obviously far less prestigious Court Two. Serena won 2002, 2003…
Venus 2000, 2001, 2005, 2007. Not just the usual misogyny then? Lovely.
Nadal may have that cringe-making habit of ‘re-adjusting’ his pants…thong…whatever (yuck), but
Murray’s strong-arm-tactics, i.e., pulling up his teenage-boy-T-shirt to show of his bicep – ha
was just embarrassing. Has he never noticed Nadal’s bionic arm? Hopefully he’ll receive the full
brunt Wednesday.
