Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
The Silly Season Gets Sillier - 22 August 2010

“When I grow up I want to eat myself sick.”

‘Tis the ‘silly season’, but seriously....

Extreme eating is coming to a high street near you. Bring out the bunting and the sick bags. It
has been the fastest growing ‘sports’ event in the US for the past 15 years. Who knew? 80
official competitions, with many simply for the sheer joy and disgusting side-effects... the obvious
vomiting, diarrhoea but with a bit more effort and foot-long hotdogs – ulcers and digestive
damage.

The usual caveat is suggested: don’t do this at home. But if not in the privacy of a dim-witted’s
kitchen, then where? At a neighbour’s barbeque perhaps. “Keep em comin’ Dude. The bigger the
better. Got any more killer hot sauce?”

In the UK it might be a bit different: “Dear me, Alistair. I reckoned we were going to binge
drink,
not binge eat. Pass the crisps then.”

Evidently the morbidly obese, anorexics, macho men, exhibitionists, junk food junkies, YouTube
obsessives pale when compared to the champion greedy gorger – a ‘tiny, elfin and strikingly
pretty’ under 71/2 stone woman known throughout the face-stuffing world as the Black Widow.
But surely 65 eggs (hard-boiled and presumably shelled thank god) in 6 minutes and 40 seconds
(aaargh) doesn’t quite explain the queen of crap cuisine’s sobriquet. No mention of animal entrails
or the use of the Heimlich manoeuvre.

A standard stomach-turning tasting would include: plate-size hamburgers, creepy chicken bits
commonly known as nuggets, oysters in or out of season, masticated-textured cheesecakes,
shrieking-when-boiled lobsters, Thanksgiving dinners, bottles of biliously pink Pepto-Bismol – a
sponsor. Clearly there is a lot of irony in this whole ‘eat ‘til you explode’ business.

The point of this fast food sport totally eludes me. Ramming unappealing fistfuls of rubbish food
with the added thrill of ketchup/ mayonnaise/mustard/hot sauce dribbling down your neck is
clearly daft. And then there is all that practicing....