10 December 2016
Royal Romp

Oh Harry. Get a grip. Prince Harry decided on a last minute detour, a 1,700-
mile detour, to see his latest love obsession. Surely you know the name and face
and musings by now: Megan Markle. Harry was on his way home when
hormones? lust? fixation? addiction? delusion? Who knows, but his now (in)
famous over-reaction rant was clearly a hint as to what it could be, no?

Kensington Palace, royal aides and the communications secretary for Harry, Ex-
Waity and William all insisted that he would not be seeing MM en route to or
from his Caribbean tour.

Fools them. Harry’s impulsive ‘need’ flouted royal convention which clearly
states that official working trips are not to be mixed with personal travel.

Harry’s ‘people’ quickly reassured the peasants that Harry would pay for the
travel detour. And who will pick up the bill for Harry’s police protection? Us. Ah.
Love between two multi-millionaires. Ahhh. Royal privilege….

Lest we forget, in 2004 the National Audit Office by the Royal Household
investigated Prince Andrew's dodgy travels and assurances were made that it
wouldn’t continue. Hmmm. How quickly they forget.

Well a major row continues not in regards to travel plans but in regards to the
seventh and eighth in line: Beatrice and Eugenie. Evidently Charles is
determined to thwart any plans to include them in royal engagements and their
desire to move house.

It has been reported that Charles fears an increase in additional criticism by
keeping peripheral royals on the public payroll would threaten his popularity with
when he becomes king. A peasants’ revolt possibly? Indeed.

Andrew has sent a letter to Mummy stating his requests including moving E&B
into more appropriately spacious accommodation at Kensington Palace.

Assuming you live and breathe the royals you surely remember  six years ago
when Beatrice and Eugenie were stripped of their £500,000-a-year round-the-
clock police protection and adding insult to injury, Wills didn’t involve Beatrice in
the run-up to the Diamond Jubilee celebrations in 2012. I’m thinking the
message is clear here.

Edward and Sophie gave into Charles’ demands to limit the other royals. Wills
and wife and of course Harry are seen to be getting far too much publicity
according to Andrew, for doing what exactly? Wills and wife are known to be
‘workshy’ – well, lazy really. Not that E&B seem to do much. Isn’t it Beatrice who
has devoted her life to holidaying?

A senior member of the Queen’s court revealed she must publicly be seen to
support Charles, but in private she is on Andrew’s side. He is said to be her
favourite. A source told the Mail on Sunday: “The Queen adores the girls and is
keen for them to have some kind of a role.” The royal plot thickens….

These Are a Few of My Favourite Things

"It's two of my favourite things”: Christmas and singing. Cruz Beckham’s
favourite things. Ahhh. No cynicism here. Tis the season of good will remember.

Victoria revealed ‘the happy accident’. “He was sitting in the back of the car one
day singing and I was like, ‘Wow, you can really sing!’.” Like he can really sing.
It’s like wow. Sorry, but that ‘like’ thing really annoys me. I mean really, what’s it
like exactly? OK back to the young Cruz and his favourite things.

Jason Bieber’s talent manager guru Scooter Braun, has been brought in the
Brand Beckham family to engineer Cruz’s career. Cruz’s debut track, If Every
Day Was Christmas, has been played on national radio, his Instagram account
launched (as you do), and after a mere day or two had more than 200,000

Actually hearing him singing acappella at his debut radio interview, it was like,
wow, he can sing sans autotune. But the actual single is not going to be added
to my Christmas music list. Sweet – actually too sweet, but then again, he’s only

David posted a video today of him at the breakfast table wearing his school
blazer and tie, hearing his single on radio for the first time. OK. Ok. Possibly a
bit too obvious in the marketing of Brand Beckham. I’m becoming cynical here.

Step in Simon Cowell – or should I have said rushed in – singing his praises (oh
really, you would have said the same surely): “Get him in and we’ll sign him. I
met them all when they were younger and I have to say they are really incredible
kids. They could have been really spoilt but they weren’t.”

Naturally critics have joined the queue to criticise the boy. Piers Morgan couldn’t
contain himself; when can he? “It's not his fault. He's 11. But how did he manage
to release this? It's sickening.” Piers called David and Victoria "pimps". Lovely

Scooter tweeted: "He is an 11-year-old who wanted to make a song to help other
kids. Once again Piers shows why he is a jackass and why his show was
cancelled... Some people in this world make a living out of finding the worst in
every situation. It means they have a career…not class!” Yikes!

Victoria has asked Nicole Scherzinger to duet with Cruz on his next single. NS is
keen. Next single? Already? Watch this space.

It’s Pants

Well, not exactly. Pants weren’t involved. It was trousers. Leather trousers at
that. PM Theresa May’s leather trousers that is. Remember that photo of
Theresa casually draped on a sofa in her draped leather trousers? Oh you must.
You surely thought: ‘Theresa. Not a good look, darling.’

The trousers in question were her £995 leather trousers. Ouch! No really. Really.
‘Theresa – not worth the price, darling’, particularly as Trouser-Gate has been
the direct result.

We’re talking revenge here. Very personal revenge. The former Education
Secretary, Nicky Morgan, has been dropped from a list of Tory MPs set for a
private meeting with Theresa next week after she criticised the PM for wearing
those eye-wateringly pricey £995 trousers. Oh let’s just round them off at £1000.
Theresa can’t stop reminding us: “It is important that we have a country that
works for everyone.” I hear laughing – and expletives.

“I don’t have leather trousers. I don’t think I’ve ever spent that much on anything
apart from my wedding dress”, said Nicky. Or: “I wouldn’t be caught dead in
those trousers.” I rather doubt any of the others who ‘discussed’ them would

Nicky said that Theresa’s choice of the designer leather trousers, which she had
worn for a photo shoot with the Sunday Times Magazine, had sent the wrong
message to voters. “It is important that we have a country that works for
everyone.” Oh Theresa….

She added the trousers had been 'noticed and discussed' by fellow Tories. Oh
no. Not trouser-treachery among the Tories! Theresa’s aide, Fiona Hill, branded
Nicky: "That woman!” A tweet war broke out between Nicky and Fiona when
Fiona texted another Tory MP to tell him: "Don't bring that woman to No 10

One backbencher told The Guardian: “Disinviting Nicky because of a comment
on the Prime Minister’s trousers is frankly playground politics.” Hmmm. Then
“that woman!” doesn’t really work here does it?

With Tories splashing the cash on themselves, the ever-humble ex-chancellor,
George Osborne, has trousered (see how I did that?) more than £500,000 in just
seven weeks from making speeches in America or £26,055-an-hour. That’s on
top of the £75,000-a-year plus expenses which Georgie-Boy already earns as a
backbench Tory MP. G-B stuffed £320,000 into his pockets the first month after
signing up with the US Washington Speakers' Bureau.

Surely you are desperate for details. Recent figures reveal he has since been
paid £68,125 for a single speech to US investment firm Centerbridge Partners
on November 10; £85,396 by Citibank for two speeches on November 17;
£34,109 for a speech to New York-based Black Rock Financial on November
15. What’s not to love about Georgie? The multimillionaire Georgie.

G-B blamed his predecessors for doing the very same. Hmmm. However,
Labour's former Chancellor Gordon Brown set up a personal charity committed
to fighting global poverty; all his outside earnings into that charity. Liking Gordon
more than you did?

"It’s not different from what previous chancellors have done, Labour and
Conservative. The difference is that it’s disclosed. And I think that’s a positive
step forward.” I’m certain that all those who have suffered appallingly (and
continue to do so) under Georgie’s failed austerity programme would agree.

The toff Tory is cashing in on his time as Britain's austerity Chancellor by
charging up to £80,000 a time on the after-dinner speaking circuit. Let’s all wish
Georgie-Boy a fun, fund-filled Happy Christmas now.
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