LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
16 September 2017
Repeal the Repeal Bill

Ah the coup d’etat. 13 hours of debate. Henry VIII wins. And those so-called
Henry VIII clauses? Oh you know. The self-serving Tories will have sweeping
powers, imagine Theresa making a theatrical royal gesture, to repeal legislation
without parliamentary approval. Clue: no parliamentary scrutiny.


Remember the Leave campaign pledge? Of course you do. We all do. It was
about people taking back control and restoring powers to parliament. You could
laugh with irony here, but it is just too depressing.


Theresa went on and on, telling anyone in the country who would listen, about
the 'will of the people'. And how exactly does she square that one? She doesn’t.

Here’s the trick: ministers can make any ‘legislative changes’ if they say they
are relevant to securing Brexit. Now that is tricky. The rule change applies for
the ‘duration of the present Parliament’. Parliament is expected to be dissolved
for the next election in 2022. After six more Bills, a transition period and the rest
of the mess is sorted, the Bill will be signed off by the Queen. A pity she won’t
be suggesting ‘off with their heads’….


And what does our favourite “thick and drunk” Brexit Secretary David Davis have
to say? He calls for "a calm and orderly exit". Threats of rebellions next month;
amendments to be debated in committee stage.



Ouch!

George Osborne reportedly wants to put Theresa’s dismembered body in a
freezer. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! To quote him: he will not rest until she is “chopped
up in bags in my freezer”. First he called her “a dead woman walking” and now
we know why. Oh Georgie-Boy. He didn’t say who would do the chopping and
bagging did he?


Since he was unceremoniously sacked and then took over the editorship of the
Evening Standard, he has been quite happy to express his desire for revenge.
‘Revenge is a dish served cold’? Georgie’s is frozen.


And Theresa’s response? Her spokesman: “The contents of the former
Chancellor’s freezer are probably not a matter for me.” Unless you are in it.



More Foot in Mouth Disease

Next we have Jacob Rees-Mogg who is the party members’ choice to replace
Theresa when she is unceremoniously dumped.  He has said the growing
number of food banks in the UK is “raaaaaaaather uplifting”.


Rees-Mogg said more: “The real reason for the rise in numbers is because
people know they are there and Labour refused to tell them.” So Labour hid
them then? Behind Waitrose? In Belgravia? There’s more of course. “It provides
a basic level of welfare but on some occasions that will not work – and to have
charitable support their fellow citizens I think is rather uplifting, and shows what
a good, compassionate country we are.” Goodness gracious me. How patriotic.


The Head of Media & External Affairs at The Trussell Trust, Garry Lemon said:
“Our recent research with the University of Oxford found that before being
referred to a foodbank, people are getting by on an average of just £319 a
month. Foodbanks on the ground tell us the same – people are in real need, and
it is clear that the dramatic rise in foodbank use over the past five years cannot
be attributed to awareness alone.” No, really?


Proud to be posh? Enthusiastic to be entitled? Satisfied to be supercilious?
Surely not our Rees-Mogg. Linguists at the University of York have offered a list
of 30 old-fashioned words they think should be brought back. I’m thinking what
would be useful for Rees-Mogg to add to his vocabulary. Let’s try ‘peacockize’:
to behave like a peacock; especially to pose or strut ostentatiously. Or what
about ‘wlonk’? ‘Proud, haughty/rich – splendid, fine, magnificent. OK. Leaving
off the last three when describing R-M. Possibly he already uses the 30 words.

Oh not Boris again. Cake eating hard Brexit Boris. He never fails us does he?
Back to the promised £350 million per week or £18 billion plus per year for the
NHS. 4,000 words from Boris expressing his vision for post-Brexit Little Britain a
few days before Theresa gives ‘plans’ (ha) for Brexit in Florence. Theresa must
be thrilled. No Machiavelli reference, Boris?



Pay Court To

Benedict Cumberbatch is very busy. He has 11 new upcoming movie projects.
Between projects, BC finds time to charge for his autograph. Who knew? If you
didn’t know, he’s worth £30m – so far? Clearly he needs the extra cash.


Hmmm. At the recent London Film and Comic Convention, fans were expected
to hand over £75 for a precious photo. Yes. You read that right and worse, £85
for an autograph. Yikes. So that would be £160 for both. A selfie and a scrawl?
Really?


It’s assumed with 3,000 BC fans in two days, BC would have added £240,000 to
his bank account. Putting things into perspective, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry do
a fee-paying meet-and-greet. KP’s fee was listed at $300. Why? Paying
anything for any close-and-personal experience with a massively rich celebrity
is just – stupid, sad, pathetic or you’re twelve.  Reduced to that boring cliché:
‘get a life’.



Giving the Green Light

Transport for London has a new plan and it’s green. No, not that kind of green. If
you travel on the Victoria line southbound from King’s Cross you can’t miss
green adhesive vinyl covering strips on the platform. Now why would they do that
you ask? TfL tells us: “The rule of the Green Lane is that it is for moving only”.
OK. If there is mass confusion, there will be announcements such as: ‘No
stopping in the Green Lane’ and ‘Stand clear of the Green Lane’. Will there be a
fine? Imprisonment?


The green lane creates a clear aisle down the platform to be used to walk along,
as well as marking where the tube doors will open. Is that clear? This is to
prevent commuter anarchy don’t you know.


You will have eight weeks to follow the green rule.  But as the TfL has asked,
don
't go there to try it out as it will skew the results and really, do you want the
green lane installed at your tube stop? I thought not.  
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