Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
Get out the Rack - 27 June 2010

Germany could have played with blindfolds on, legs tied together, and backwards and still won
the match. That was the worst England game I have ever seen.

Premier League…Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool…£150,000 a week players. Let’s run
that by again. £150,000 a week players. Players? That was playing the game? What exactly
were those players doing? Deer in headlights…not enough coffee…paralyzing poison
arrows…what excuse can the pathetic Rooney use now? Absolutely none. The Germans played
like a cat with a mouse. It’s surprising the final score wasn’t 10-1.

No imagination, no inspiration, no intelligence, no passion, no power, no plan, no pace, no speed,
no style, no team work, no defence. “Oi, Wayne. A ball coming our way. Best to step aside. We
wouldn’t want to block the goal.”

North Korea played better and their players are probably being locked in solitary confinement for
life and their family members tortured. Hmmm. Time to get out the rack.

I think they should be booed everywhere they go for the next 4 years. Wembley Stadium, their
favourite lap dancing clubs, Prada, Bulgari, Dior.

PM Dave gave his wise view: ‘disappointing, but at least there wasn’t the agony of penalties.’
Penalties. The score was 4-1 Dave. Penalties were never even a possibility. Dave looked
contemplative and confused while he watched the game with Angela Merkel. “Football. Football.
I have heard it mentioned when I have visited pubs while campaigning....”

The German team is made up of Turkish, Spanish, Ghanaian, Tunisian, Bosnian and Polish. So
who is actually German? Perhaps a bit of blackmail, a mafia visit, loads of cash and Argentinean
or Brazilian players could take up British citizenship like Brazilian Cacau, now German did last
year. Come back Tevez; all is forgiven.