LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
21 September 2014
No Need To Send A Postcard

Minutes became hours, days became weeks, months became years,
conversation became argument, vitriol became votes ...families divided,
neighbours divided, north and south divided, nationalists and unionists divided,
countries divided. YES!!! no... YES!!! no...YES!!!

Nearly two and a half years of Scottish debate on independence. Sigh.
Endlessly exhausting, unless you were on the Yes side in which case you’d be
energised acting out your rebellious teenage years, demanding to be seen,
heard and getting your way.

84.5% of the electorate, 4,285,323 people, the No side won with 2,001,926
votes over 1,617,989 for the Yes side. Brilliant for democracy without carnage.
Remember that concept?

Scotland wants social justice and the Westminster rulers to be hanged at
Marble Arch. Don’t we all. PM CallMeDave swore, begged while feigning tears
fearing the loss of his position
.
Everybody of Scottish heritage had an authoritative opinion. Particularly
celebrities, particularly celebrities who live permanently in Hollywood and or
New York, particularly celebrities who haven’t lived in their motherland for years
and years. They naturally chose the Yes side. “Look! I’ve still got my kilt! Listen
to me sing ‘you take the high road and I’ll take the low road...’ I love bagpipes.”
Sean Connery, Alan Cumming, Irvine Welsh took the Yes road.

Scots talked endlessly, unceasingly to each other about independence. That
was good. But the nasty, rude, bullying tactics of the Yes voters were not
pretty...regardless of their legitimate point of view.

Previous British flag wavers and wearers said no to No. Florida-based
charmless, graceless, gormless ‘Anyone-but-England’ Andy Murray tweeted at
the very last minute: “Let’s do it!” No Murray on horseback shrieking blue-faced
“They’ll never take our freedom!!!” Andy promised he’ll continue to represent
Great Britain, regardless of how abhorrent that may be for him. But for us, it
can now be ‘anyone but Murray’ sans guilt.

Dame Vivienne Westwood has stomped on the Union Jack. “I hate England!”
Viv wants a fairer anti-capitalist government and society. Who doesn’t? Surely
she’ll be lowering her eye-watering prices for her pricey frocks then. Right.

The BBC weather coverage will continue to favour Scotland then. When the
BBC changed the weather map (mud brown land mass – lovely) awhile back,
Scots complained vigorously that BBC was focusing on the south. Really. How
many days a year doesn’t it rain in Scotland? Exactly. And the temperature?
Let me help here; wet and cold. End of.

Fingers crossed this decision will result in reform for a fairer United Kingdom
for all the peasants. Oh you just know it won’t. It all promises to be messy and
ultimately - a Devo Max mess.

I can’t believe I am even thinking this, worst that I am writing this. Have I gone
mad? But when Gordon (Brown) was addressing a crowd in Fife the day after
the final decision he was impressive to the point where I actually had to listen to
him. I couldn’t look at him because he persists in doing that strange, annoying
jaw-dropping (literally) when he pauses. Shouldn’t someone tell him it’s just
wrong on so many levels?

He was articulate and rather clever speaking for 45 minutes without reading
from a script (CallMeDave) or constantly repeating phrases (Ed) when he
vowed to keep the promises made on further devolution. Hmmmm. I know.
Maybe it was a moment of madness on my part. After all, Gordon is still Gordon.

Is that duplicitous Dave giving Ukip a rude gesture? Oh dear. Is that duplicitous
Dave plunging a metaphoric knife into Labour’s back? Ouch. Ruthless Lynton
Crosby has been exceptionally thorough.... Dave - King of England? Just
asking.
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