| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Politics |
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"You're Fired!" - 6 June 2009
“Let go, Gordon! Let go!”
Going from dour hound dog to spiteful pit bull, Gordon continues to refuse to release his maniacal
grip on power. He has bitten down on the stick, foaming at the mouth, growling at any and all
threats. Gordon; it’s ‘speak softly and carry a big stick’. Typical. The man just can’t get anything
right. More
“Let go, Gordon! Let go!”
Going from dour hound dog to spiteful pit bull, Gordon continues to refuse to release his maniacal
grip on power. He has bitten down on the stick, foaming at the mouth, growling at any and all
threats. Gordon; it’s ‘speak softly and carry a big stick’. Typical. The man just can’t get anything
right. More
You Can Call Me Mr. 'T' - 31 July 2009
Gosh. Goodness. Goodness gracious me. Dear me. Dear oh dear. Oh my. Crikey.
Chameleon Conservative Cameron has used the ‘t’ word. No. Not that ‘t’ word – ie. toff, but the
one that can be used instead of the ‘c’ word. No. Not that word – ie. conservative. None of the ‘b’
words. But one of the ‘p’ words…twice. More
Gosh. Goodness. Goodness gracious me. Dear me. Dear oh dear. Oh my. Crikey.
Chameleon Conservative Cameron has used the ‘t’ word. No. Not that ‘t’ word – ie. toff, but the
one that can be used instead of the ‘c’ word. No. Not that word – ie. conservative. None of the ‘b’
words. But one of the ‘p’ words…twice. More
Season or Idiot's Delight - 9 August 2009
First idiot: Massively rolling in it Rupert Murdoch has announced that he is going to start charging
for his online news services which include The Wall Street Journal and the New York Post, the
Times and the Sunday Times, the Sun and the News of the World. Will people pay to read
rubbish on line when they can often buy for 20p? I think not. ‘We had sex every day for a month!’
Enticing? I think not. Can people who read The Sun and the News of the World actually read?
More
First idiot: Massively rolling in it Rupert Murdoch has announced that he is going to start charging
for his online news services which include The Wall Street Journal and the New York Post, the
Times and the Sunday Times, the Sun and the News of the World. Will people pay to read
rubbish on line when they can often buy for 20p? I think not. ‘We had sex every day for a month!’
Enticing? I think not. Can people who read The Sun and the News of the World actually read?
More
The Dystopia Database - 14 September 2009
“Mummy. Why are you hiding behind the steering wheel?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you coming in to read to us today?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you going to coach our team any more?”
“Mummy. Why are you dropping us off so far from school?”
“Daddy. Why aren’t you taking us on our school trip?”
“Daddy. Why can’t you give us sweets after school?”
“Daddy. Why can’t we give Fiona a lift?”
“Daddy. Why are you not wearing your raincoat when it is raining?”
“Why?” More
“Mummy. Why are you hiding behind the steering wheel?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you coming in to read to us today?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you going to coach our team any more?”
“Mummy. Why are you dropping us off so far from school?”
“Daddy. Why aren’t you taking us on our school trip?”
“Daddy. Why can’t you give us sweets after school?”
“Daddy. Why can’t we give Fiona a lift?”
“Daddy. Why are you not wearing your raincoat when it is raining?”
“Why?” More
All Together Now - 10th October 2009
Chairman of the Tory Conference, Eric Piggy Pickles had banned the bubbly for fear of
appearing too true to life. “No, no my dear boys. No bubbles up those snooty little noses until
Dave is crowned and installed permanently at No 10.” More
Chairman of the Tory Conference, Eric Piggy Pickles had banned the bubbly for fear of
appearing too true to life. “No, no my dear boys. No bubbles up those snooty little noses until
Dave is crowned and installed permanently at No 10.” More
Money for Nothing - 8 November 2009
I may be speechless, but the boys in power have quite a lot to say regarding their moral
certitude.
One of the many disgraced MPs, Conservative David Wilshire, who was forced to resign after
paying more than £100,000 of our money into his own company, is certain the “witch hunt” to
clean up the mess made by greedy MPs “will undermine democracy”. Silly me. I didn’t know we
had a democracy. I thought it was a plutocracy. Let’s pop them into the Thames loaded down
with massive rocks and see if they float…. More
I may be speechless, but the boys in power have quite a lot to say regarding their moral
certitude.
One of the many disgraced MPs, Conservative David Wilshire, who was forced to resign after
paying more than £100,000 of our money into his own company, is certain the “witch hunt” to
clean up the mess made by greedy MPs “will undermine democracy”. Silly me. I didn’t know we
had a democracy. I thought it was a plutocracy. Let’s pop them into the Thames loaded down
with massive rocks and see if they float…. More
"Are They All Dead Yet?" - 21 January 2010
So is it ‘health and safety’ or imperialism or historic racism or total ineptitude on a grand scale?
US marines: “I’m scart of them kids.” “Yeah. Ya know. They’re hungry and they could turn on us
ya know.” “Yeah, man. Let’s just stay in the plane.” “Yeah. Pass the vitamin water.” “Ya know.
It's just like when we were sent to not help after Katrina.” “Right on, man. Ya know, it’s like one
of those new sci-fi end o’ the world flicks out there.” “Yeah. Where’s the potato chips?” More
So is it ‘health and safety’ or imperialism or historic racism or total ineptitude on a grand scale?
US marines: “I’m scart of them kids.” “Yeah. Ya know. They’re hungry and they could turn on us
ya know.” “Yeah, man. Let’s just stay in the plane.” “Yeah. Pass the vitamin water.” “Ya know.
It's just like when we were sent to not help after Katrina.” “Right on, man. Ya know, it’s like one
of those new sci-fi end o’ the world flicks out there.” “Yeah. Where’s the potato chips?” More
In the Thick of It - 29 January 2010
Tony Blair defends his position in history to his friends at the Chilcot Inquiry.
45 minutes to total annihilation: “ We had only 45 minutes to get to the WWII bunkers before
Saddam was going to nuke us. Have you noticed my new American expression? GB taught it to
me at the ranch. Nuke. I’m lovin’ it.” More
Tony Blair defends his position in history to his friends at the Chilcot Inquiry.
45 minutes to total annihilation: “ We had only 45 minutes to get to the WWII bunkers before
Saddam was going to nuke us. Have you noticed my new American expression? GB taught it to
me at the ranch. Nuke. I’m lovin’ it.” More
Everybody Hurts - 15 February 2010
“I won!”
“No! I won!”
The public seems to have decided that grief-stricken-Gordie has beat devastated-Dave in the
crying game/competition that will decide who takes office at the General Election. More
“I won!”
“No! I won!”
The public seems to have decided that grief-stricken-Gordie has beat devastated-Dave in the
crying game/competition that will decide who takes office at the General Election. More
Wife Swap - 15 March 2010
“Mine’s messier than yourrrrrrrs.”
“Mine’s learning how to do the Sunday roast.”
“Mine just discovered curry.”
“Mine wears a suit on the beach.” More
“Mine’s messier than yourrrrrrrs.”
“Mine’s learning how to do the Sunday roast.”
“Mine just discovered curry.”
“Mine wears a suit on the beach.” More
Does My Ego Look Big in This? - 6 April 2010
Alert the fashion police. Don riot gear. Dave and Gordie are battling it out in the parks, in the
community centres, on the council estates, in hospitals. It’s the American-style election: it’s who’s
down wit da youts.
“Yo man. I’m way cooler than you.” More
Alert the fashion police. Don riot gear. Dave and Gordie are battling it out in the parks, in the
community centres, on the council estates, in hospitals. It’s the American-style election: it’s who’s
down wit da youts.
“Yo man. I’m way cooler than you.” More
Dear Diary - 1 May 2010
Dear Diary,
Success!!! I am certain I will be crowned king 6th of May!!! This last debate decided my fate –
my divine right to rule. What are we aristocrats for – other than fox hunting. BBC blanked Nick,
like the anti-Clegg-media has all along. Good thing as he is the only one with ideas and did win all
3 debates. But it was all me, the deserving one dismissing Gordon, the useless loser. Nick may
be posh, but he’s no toff so he’s not one of us. I’m delightfully smoooooooth – terribly slick. More
Dear Diary,
Success!!! I am certain I will be crowned king 6th of May!!! This last debate decided my fate –
my divine right to rule. What are we aristocrats for – other than fox hunting. BBC blanked Nick,
like the anti-Clegg-media has all along. Good thing as he is the only one with ideas and did win all
3 debates. But it was all me, the deserving one dismissing Gordon, the useless loser. Nick may
be posh, but he’s no toff so he’s not one of us. I’m delightfully smoooooooth – terribly slick. More
Dear Dear Diary - 14 May 2010
Dear Dear Diary,
This may be my last entry. I am going to be ever so busy, busy, busy creating history.
I have done a masterful stitch up of Clegg…aka the new ‘poodle’. As you know Dear Diary, this
was my magnificent Machiavellian master plan all along. It will perpetuate the ‘blame Nick Clegg’
spin we started. The economy will be in taters…he’ll never get his party’s election reform
through. I’m thinking of putting him in an office next to the toilets. When he does any of his
positive referencing regarding Europe, I’ll have Theresa May headlock him and imprison him in a
cabinet. We’ll have to watch him; he does speak five languages and he might be able to do
deals. But I do believe life at number ten will be fun. More
Dear Dear Diary,
This may be my last entry. I am going to be ever so busy, busy, busy creating history.
I have done a masterful stitch up of Clegg…aka the new ‘poodle’. As you know Dear Diary, this
was my magnificent Machiavellian master plan all along. It will perpetuate the ‘blame Nick Clegg’
spin we started. The economy will be in taters…he’ll never get his party’s election reform
through. I’m thinking of putting him in an office next to the toilets. When he does any of his
positive referencing regarding Europe, I’ll have Theresa May headlock him and imprison him in a
cabinet. We’ll have to watch him; he does speak five languages and he might be able to do
deals. But I do believe life at number ten will be fun. More
Alien Concepts - 21 May 2010
Official mascots, Dave and Nick:
“Mandeville or Wenlock? Which one do you want to be today, Nick?”
“Oh PM, you choose. Aren’t you worried the Miliband brothers will be out and about before us?”
More
Official mascots, Dave and Nick:
“Mandeville or Wenlock? Which one do you want to be today, Nick?”
“Oh PM, you choose. Aren’t you worried the Miliband brothers will be out and about before us?”
More
The Empty (Pressed) Suit - 12 June 2010
“Did ya get the order in yet?”
“No, Mr President. We discovered it would be much cheaper if we had them manufactured in
China.” More
“Did ya get the order in yet?”
“No, Mr President. We discovered it would be much cheaper if we had them manufactured in
China.” More
Lords A'Leapin' - 13 July 2010
The lords are jumping ship. “Lord Laidlaw! What are you doing? You’ll ruin your £10,000 suit for
god’s sake!”
“I’m swimming to Monte Carlo before I am forced to pay UK taxes.” More
The lords are jumping ship. “Lord Laidlaw! What are you doing? You’ll ruin your £10,000 suit for
god’s sake!”
“I’m swimming to Monte Carlo before I am forced to pay UK taxes.” More
The Empty (Pressed) Suit - 12 June 2010
“Did ya get the order in yet?”
“No, Mr President. We discovered it would be much cheaper if we had them manufactured in
China.” More
“Did ya get the order in yet?”
“No, Mr President. We discovered it would be much cheaper if we had them manufactured in
China.” More