|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
16 February 2019
JC “It’s my script or no script”. Ah not dictatorial at all is he? You know the
script; you agree with him and genuflect or you are out. Blanked – dismissed –
frozen out, rather like how he treated his ex- wives and children. Ah the man has
the maturity of a slug – and apologises to all slugs of course.
So why has the shadow foreign secretary Emily Thornberry been sitting on the
naughty step in the last few weeks? She dared to disagree. She criticised JC’s
favourite of the day, Venezuela’s President Maduro. Shock horror! And at
PMQ's she dared to say she was in favour of delaying Article 50. As she has
been touted as a future leader, JC was having none of that. “Oh that annoying
nasty independent woman. And you know I don’t like women like that. Ask my
two ex-wives.” Jess Phillips next?
Oh JC. Again, check the polls. Your approval ratings are falling fast as you
speak to your mind-missing disciples who are still falling all over you. The lowest
ever! You are being dismissed.
Let’s start with Theresa and her jam metaphor. She suggested to her cabinet that
when the country falls into abject poverty, we will always have mouldy jam. They
were so relieved.
One question is how long did it take her jam to go all mouldy? Ew. Just because
you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there – eh Theresa? Trust those health
experts, Theresa. Note here: ‘experts’. Perhaps eating that jam explains
Theresa's mental state. Toxic.
Cash on Delivery
Ah. Valentine’s Day. Exorbitantly expensive red roses, pricey cards and
chocolates. What to do, what to do. Well, Harry knew what to do. He got us to
pay for his private jet to wish Meghan a happy Valentine’s Day.
“Ah.” Not “Ah. That’s so sweet. Sooo romantic”. £26,000! Is not sweet or
romantic. And If it were, shouldn’t he have spent some of his own money? You
know; those millions? “But we love Harry.” Well, don’t. You’re a muppet if you
Harry was able to make it back to London from the Arctic Circle by 5pm to have
dinner with Meghan after spending just three hours visiting UK troops near the
Russian border. He actually asked Navy and Marines personnel: “Did you get
your other halves a card and flowers?” Harry is so sensitive. Arrogantly entitled?
Surely not. Harry is so one of the lads. Indeed. Insert laughing here.
Green with Envy
And: Ah being the richest man in Britain doesn’t make you – erm – clever. Now
how does this rich man make all that money exactly? A chemical company. Now
there is something to be proud of.
SIR Jim Ratcliffe – hmm – enjoying the ‘rat’ in his surname – who founded Ineos
is doing a little rant about those “stupid” green taxes that are “choking” Europe’s
chemical industry. The word you are looking for is idiot.
In an open letter to Juncker the greedy idiot informed him that Europe was “no
longer competitive” due to those strict energy and labour laws. Are we loving this
richest man in Britain yet?
Evidently the EU is “scaring away investment with heavy green taxes…it’s
uninviting for employers”. “Uninviting”? Preventing the uber rich from the
invitation-only party? He does go on…and on: “…green taxes that at best can be
described as “foolish”, at worst as simply stupid…” Oh Sir Jim surely has a way
with words doesn’t he?
But this is the best: INEOS publicly announced recently its huge €3 billion
petrochemicals expansion in Antwerp in January of this year. Not in Scotland
where it runs the massive Grangemouth site – but in Belgium of course. And Sir
Jim himself? Oh he’s moving to Monaco – to avoid those nasty little UK taxes on
his £21bn fortune. As you do.
And: Just when you are so sure it couldn’t get any more ludicrous, Boris
reminds us it can. Boris said that the world was watching Britain and “thinking
wow” with admiration at its decision to leave the European Union.
I’m having an out of body experience here or is it just from laughing? WOW!?
WOW!!!??? Thinking…thinking, not saying?
In an interview with the BBC’s Today programme, Boris insisted that even if the
UK leaves without a deal - “responsible” officials would not allow prices to be
hiked. And the concerns that a steep fall in the value of sterling could see food
prices soar: “The pound will go where it will.”
Boris said that at the moment people around the world are “looking at us and
saying (not thinking?) ‘wow they have made this extraordinary decision to go
global, to choose a different future’.” Not “Ha ha ha ha ha! What total morons
The Wrong Side of the Law
Meanwhile, not jumping up and down while exclaiming “WOW!” is former
Northern Ireland First Minister Lord Trimble who (finally) has announced he is
launching a judicial review on the grounds that the mechanism negotiated by the
Theresa goes against the peace treaty. Uh oh. Did someone say “legal red
A spokesperson said: “The Nobel Peace Prize winner and architect of the Good
Friday Agreement plans to initiate judicial review proceedings to ensure that the
Protocol is removed from the Withdrawal Agreement.” Now you know, but what
about Theresa and Phil? Oh right. They are busy scraping the mould off all
those jars of jam
Display of Force
Many monarchists may be sycophantic in regards to Ex-Waity, but clearly the
main monarch, the Queen isn’t…or wasn’t. Hmm. The Queen ‘questioned’ her
According to The Express, the royal expert and biographer Katie Nicholl said
that the Queen expressed “grave concerns” about Kate back in the day, even
going so far as to criticize Kate's "unpalatable"… "frivolous displays of wealth."
Now there is a surprise. Oh those nouveau riche, chérie.
The working Queen evidently thought it was ‘lazy and unbecoming’ that Ex-W
didn't have a full-time job after uni. Well, chasing after her future, i.e. queen,
was her full-time job.
According to Nicholl, the Queen, one of the "hardest-working Royals, despite
her age" felt like the fact that "a future member of the family was without a full-
time job was unacceptable."
Nicholl wrote about Ex-W’s love of lavish holidays: "If Kate was not with William
at Balmoral then the couple were skiing or holidaying on Mustique. Britain was
now in recession and such frivolous displays of wealth were unpalatable to the
Apparently, Ex-W started working with a charity since it hadn’t occurred to her –
naturally. The firm got her involved in Starlight straight away, a charity that works
with seriously and terminally ill children. So no word from the Queen – or at least
no words we will hear about.
A Woman of Letters
And surely we must remark on Meghan’s missive. Without a brainless blog, what
to do? What to do? Oh, a ‘private letter’ then? Ha. Really? Oh please. Why not a
private phone call then? Oh right. She has specifically rejected that option which
makes her 74 year old father clearly upset and desperate.
Although we, OK not the Royal ‘we’, nevertheless we don’t have to add to what
lots of others have, as they clearly stated the obvious: it was written like a script,
bloody five! pages, every word perfectly spaced and oh the obvious – what are
all those stylised upward swirls about?
A handwriting expert said: "It’s a writing that’s full of contradiction… and it’s a
little harder to analyse because it’s not a natural writing.”
Meghan’s training in calligraphy makes her handwriting difficult to analyse. "It's
like wearing a mask”. No! Really!?
And as for her future in the Royal family, she will fit right in. "I would say that
she's comfortable in the spotlight…she has a degree of formality and a love of
beautiful things, so the palace is the right environment for that." Comfortable in
the spotlight? Formality? Oh please. Compared to what? A clown?