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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
And the Point is...
Sophie King has said: “As I was walking down the tram platform, the shoe snapped and I went
over on it. It was really painful, but I didn’t want to ruin the night for everyone so we went on to
the first bar. I began to feel better after a couple of drinks. But then the next thing I knew I’d
passed out and was in the back of an ambulance."
5’9” Ms King, from Knutsford, Cheshire, had bought her £35 stilettos from a high street store
chain. She wore them for the first time on a night out in Manchester. Ms King has been awarded
£7,200 compensation for injuries: a broken ankle and an interrupted pub crawl.
Putting on a pair of one of those excruciatingly uncomfortable stilettos can be quite the tricky
business - but the bottom line really is – why? Why do women continue the tradition of foot
torture? “It makes me feel sexy.” So did Chinese foot-binding; surely a rather unattractive
alternative. In early childhood all ten tiny toes broken and bound under the foot, with death a
decided possibility if ever unbound. Lovely.
The pros: if you are short, you can instantly stare down people who call you stunted, undersized
or little. If you are tall, you can spit on the top of their heads; bald men will love you. You can
stab a stiletto-ed rival or actually anyone who is annoying you on the instep and cripple them
straight away. You can use the 6” heel as a lethal weapon if confronted by a rabid pit bull. You
can buy cheap shoes, break the heel off and receive enough compensation to buy Manolo
Blahniks. While in your comfy, furry slippers, you can search on line for creepy men with foot
fetishes and ridicule them. You can develop your own shoe obsession and become the envy of
all your friends.
The cons: women walk like furtive orangutans in stilettos; they just don’t know it. Men say they
don’t actually like them, so you are suffering needlessly. You know you will eventually require an
operation on your deformed feet …or possibly cut off when gangrene sets in. You will have to
befriend a dodgy minicab driver to get about – or win the lottery. You can’t get legless because
you won’t be able to stand up. You can only navigate on pavement; no Royal Ascot, no picnics,
no beach. Stilettos worn with trousers look seriously naff. Cinderella was a fairytale, and life
with the royals can be a nightmare. Remember Diana and ‘the firm’. If the stiletto fits - resist.
Sophie King has said: “As I was walking down the tram platform, the shoe snapped and I went
over on it. It was really painful, but I didn’t want to ruin the night for everyone so we went on to
the first bar. I began to feel better after a couple of drinks. But then the next thing I knew I’d
passed out and was in the back of an ambulance."
5’9” Ms King, from Knutsford, Cheshire, had bought her £35 stilettos from a high street store
chain. She wore them for the first time on a night out in Manchester. Ms King has been awarded
£7,200 compensation for injuries: a broken ankle and an interrupted pub crawl.
Putting on a pair of one of those excruciatingly uncomfortable stilettos can be quite the tricky
business - but the bottom line really is – why? Why do women continue the tradition of foot
torture? “It makes me feel sexy.” So did Chinese foot-binding; surely a rather unattractive
alternative. In early childhood all ten tiny toes broken and bound under the foot, with death a
decided possibility if ever unbound. Lovely.
The pros: if you are short, you can instantly stare down people who call you stunted, undersized
or little. If you are tall, you can spit on the top of their heads; bald men will love you. You can
stab a stiletto-ed rival or actually anyone who is annoying you on the instep and cripple them
straight away. You can use the 6” heel as a lethal weapon if confronted by a rabid pit bull. You
can buy cheap shoes, break the heel off and receive enough compensation to buy Manolo
Blahniks. While in your comfy, furry slippers, you can search on line for creepy men with foot
fetishes and ridicule them. You can develop your own shoe obsession and become the envy of
all your friends.
The cons: women walk like furtive orangutans in stilettos; they just don’t know it. Men say they
don’t actually like them, so you are suffering needlessly. You know you will eventually require an
operation on your deformed feet …or possibly cut off when gangrene sets in. You will have to
befriend a dodgy minicab driver to get about – or win the lottery. You can’t get legless because
you won’t be able to stand up. You can only navigate on pavement; no Royal Ascot, no picnics,
no beach. Stilettos worn with trousers look seriously naff. Cinderella was a fairytale, and life
with the royals can be a nightmare. Remember Diana and ‘the firm’. If the stiletto fits - resist.
