LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
15 February 2013
Paradise Lost

Oh dear, oh dear. Wills 'feels very bruised', 'powerless' and 'deeply
disappointed'. But not 'fury or outrage' according to royal spin. Right.

Surely a £19,000 a week villa on the island for the rich and royals, Mustique,
playground of Princess Margaret, should have insured total privacy. Really.
Spoiler alert! Ex-Waity photographed with very little clothing on - again.

As everyone on the planet now knows, Italian gossip magazine,
Chi, published
pics of Ex-Waity in a bikini on the beach. The very same publication that ran
Ex-W topless. Tut. Tut. Australian
Woman's Day will run them next. What's a
commoner-royal to do....

Our subsidising the fun and frolic of the royals - think Harry out for a
debauched evening - and morning, Ex-Waity's (terminally) boring outfits and
hair sessions - must give us some rights as citizens who support their
privileged, rarefied, fun-filled, excessive, hedonistic, celebrated importance.

If idiots want to see Ex-Waity, so be it. After all, William may have been born
into his position by luck, karma, the Battle of Hastings, whatever while Ex-Waity
was merely successful in her 20 year plan.

They might be puzzled over their status.  If Beyonce can demand a recall of all
those unappealing photos of her facial contortions at the Super Bowl, certainly
W&K can. After all, they are royals who have forgotten all the royal scandals.
All that silliness of the Firm announcing the 'normalness' of the 'modern' couple
- just like us ordinary peasants. Insert laughter here.

W&K have an infinity pool, a games room, stunning views. Just like us. Touted
as 'one of the finest beaches in the world', scuba diving, snorkelling, horses
and no 'hassle and hustle, no beggars, no beach or street vendors.' Are we
actually paying for this? Plus Ex-W's family holidaying with them. I hope not.

More to come to spoil the perfect, manipulated image: Uncle Gary is
threatening to publish his book now that Pippa's ridiculous tome has been
royally rubbished. Brother to the ever classy Carole, he has been married three
times, is tattooed, was involved in a coke sting, provided 'escorts', sucked up to
William shouting his greeting at their first meeting: "Oi, you fucker..."  Words
fail. Goldsmith has promised: "I hope people will be interested in me and not
because of my family." Dim or dreaming  - just asking.

Oh dear. Oh dear. Another bikini photo. Truly tasteless this one. Sleazy tabloid
The Sun has put a full page photo of murdered Reeva Steenkamp wearing a
bright pink bikini on its cover. As you do - when money is your motivation and
you're the loathsome Rupert Murdoch.

Strange process regarding the perpetrator:
premeditated murder? Oscar
Pistorius: global celebrity, charismatic and seemingly humble, cheered by
80,000 standing Olympic spectators, adored and revered, an inspiration to
everyone, now "with a dark side" - but premeditated?

Pistorius promised a Valentine's Day to remember; in the middle of the night he
rowed with his girl-friend loud enough to disturb the neighbours, told her to stay
in the bathroom, shut the door without explanation, whipped out a gun he had
ready, aimed and shot her four times through the door, tried to resuscitate her?
Murder maybe, but planned?

Oh dear oh dear. Coleen Rooney appears quite pleased and delighted in her
holiday bikini pics and she has quite a baby bump. But then again, possibly
she's not obsessively, manically controlling her image - real or in print.

Clearly everyone deserves the privacy they desire, however considering the
hardships and horrors of life at the minute - perhaps it's time for W&K to be
advised to 'get over yourselves'....
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