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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
It's Pants! - 17 May 2009
We now know that the Speaker of the ‘Commons’ Michael Martin not only crammed his wife’s
handbag with taxi reimbursements for her limitless shopping excursions, tried to block an
investigation regarding all these moat/Ikea bag/chandelier/phantom mortgages/ad infinitum
expenses at our expense, but in the 80’s he sent his dirty (argh) underpants home to be washed
and ironed by his frocked wife by illegally franking the envelopes. Oh dear, oh dear. What an
odious little man.
“Honourable gentlemen…oh and ladies…take pity, take pity on this old Scot who will be simply
bereft if he won’t be able to stuff his wee pockets with yet another £100,000 from you common
council flat citizens. I must stay on until the general election. Come now. Have a heart. Show
your appreciation for the duplicitous Scottish cabal running the British government. I am entitled
you know. And after all, I want my son to inherit my seat. I’ve spent hours training him in ways to
disguise and deny. I’ve actually said I was ssssorry. Isn’t that enough for bloody sake
Soooooooooorrrrry. See. I can say it. Want to hear it again? My wife says I’m getting quite good
at it having never heard me utter that word before. I’ve hidden my violent temper when
confronted with the facts – like those phantom mortgages I suggested to MPs. Now don’t make
me stamp my foot. I’m too old to get employment from my other simpatico set -those clever
bankers and avaricious corporations. I say to you - grow up. This is a rich white man’s world and
you are merely players in it.”
The position was established in the 1300’s. The last time a Common Speaker was removed was
1695 for bribery. Henry VIII had three beheaded. Mr Martin is the third most powerful person in
Britain. Mr martin used to be a sheet-metal worker. Mr Martin had been in the House of
Commons for thirty years. Mr Martin had to ask advice on how to proceed while
reading…stuttering through his pathetic, insincere mea culpa – after nine years in that office. Mr
Martin used the public purse to pay for his costly legal challenge to prevent the publication of
those disgraceful, damaging, infamous receipts. Mr Martin fought vehemently to block the
Freedom Of Information Act from becoming public. Think about what we don’t know that he has
done.
Peasants at the gate. Storm the moat. Revolt like it’s 1695! Stick his head on a stake and draw
and quarter the lot of them.
We now know that the Speaker of the ‘Commons’ Michael Martin not only crammed his wife’s
handbag with taxi reimbursements for her limitless shopping excursions, tried to block an
investigation regarding all these moat/Ikea bag/chandelier/phantom mortgages/ad infinitum
expenses at our expense, but in the 80’s he sent his dirty (argh) underpants home to be washed
and ironed by his frocked wife by illegally franking the envelopes. Oh dear, oh dear. What an
odious little man.
“Honourable gentlemen…oh and ladies…take pity, take pity on this old Scot who will be simply
bereft if he won’t be able to stuff his wee pockets with yet another £100,000 from you common
council flat citizens. I must stay on until the general election. Come now. Have a heart. Show
your appreciation for the duplicitous Scottish cabal running the British government. I am entitled
you know. And after all, I want my son to inherit my seat. I’ve spent hours training him in ways to
disguise and deny. I’ve actually said I was ssssorry. Isn’t that enough for bloody sake
Soooooooooorrrrry. See. I can say it. Want to hear it again? My wife says I’m getting quite good
at it having never heard me utter that word before. I’ve hidden my violent temper when
confronted with the facts – like those phantom mortgages I suggested to MPs. Now don’t make
me stamp my foot. I’m too old to get employment from my other simpatico set -those clever
bankers and avaricious corporations. I say to you - grow up. This is a rich white man’s world and
you are merely players in it.”
The position was established in the 1300’s. The last time a Common Speaker was removed was
1695 for bribery. Henry VIII had three beheaded. Mr Martin is the third most powerful person in
Britain. Mr martin used to be a sheet-metal worker. Mr Martin had been in the House of
Commons for thirty years. Mr Martin had to ask advice on how to proceed while
reading…stuttering through his pathetic, insincere mea culpa – after nine years in that office. Mr
Martin used the public purse to pay for his costly legal challenge to prevent the publication of
those disgraceful, damaging, infamous receipts. Mr Martin fought vehemently to block the
Freedom Of Information Act from becoming public. Think about what we don’t know that he has
done.
Peasants at the gate. Storm the moat. Revolt like it’s 1695! Stick his head on a stake and draw
and quarter the lot of them.
