LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
19 May 2012
Paid to Rant

Single-handed-world-saving Bob Geldof went a bit mad when he was being
interviewed by
The Times' Lucy Bannerman who dared to question his tax
arrangements; it was suggested that his 'time' was a tax payment.

Predictably he was taking credit for the massive changes since his Live Aid in
1985 while at the World Economic Forum. Nothing to do with the massive aid
donated by Western governments, individuals who sent money to 'help them
support themselves with a goat' and the Chinese who have moved in and been
creating infrastructure for the last 30 years.

Bob jabbed his finger repeatedly at the reporter and demanded to know how
many irrigation ditches she had built with her salary. "Oh where is my
accountant. How many can I  build for £30,000? How many can your $1.2
billion buy, Sir Bob?"

"I pay all my taxes," he shouted. "My time? Is that not a tax? I employ 500
people. I have created business for the UK government. I have given my ideas.
I have given half my life to this," as well as that brilliant song he's lived off for 30
years.

In 2007, his two UK properties were owned by companies based in the tax-
haven British Virgin Islands, potentially saving him over £1.6 million in tax.

Bob's personal attack ended with him shrieking: "How dare you lecture me
about morals." His entourage led him away before he called in those African
musicians whom he had referred to as 'tokens' to save him. They are too busy
putting their money where their country's starving mouths are.

Critics had questions regarding the money raised from Live Aid and Band Aid
as well as the fact that Bob hadn't included any African acts at Live 8. Bob
responded that there was 'insufficient public interest in the US and Europe and
inclusion would have been tokenism'. He must have meant the collectively
brilliant Baaba Maal, Papa Wemba, Thomas Mapfumo, Angelique Kidjo,
Youssou N'Dour, Salif Keita, Lucky Dube, King Sunny Ade, Fela - whereas
one-hit-'wonder' Bob who
Don't Like Mondays is so much more famous and
talented. Cue in laughter and derision here.

Paid to rant in 2008, Bob needed to count his $100,000 fee in a luxury hotel in
Australia. He flew first-class to give his accusatory one-off speech on world
poverty - as you do, as he does.

Bob's rants and raves don't stop with his being caught out regarding his tax
evasion, he has refused to call his new grandson by name.

Famous only for having the last name Geldof, Peaches named her first child
Astala Dylan Willow Cohen-Geldof. "Yuck! What’s he going to be called in
school? Ass? Stella? It’s a girl’s name, let’s face it." Sexist and stupid as well,
Bob.

It could have been worse; the baby could have been named after the Vauxhall
Astra. Unless Bob has stock in the US owned company.

Lest we have forgotten for one minute his children's names: Fifi Trixibelle,
Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie. According to Bob, Fifi, Peaches and
Pixie find his music 'crap' and him an embarrassment'. Don't we all Bob,
regardless of our monikers or our tax havens.


What Band Do I like this Week, Steve?

It seems that the new book, Cameron: Practically a Conservative by Francis
Elliott of
The Times and James Hanning of The Independent on Sunday, about
the PM reassured us that CallMeDave is exactly what we thought - a hedonistic
toff.
Curiously CallMeDave prefers his private life pursuits to his ideologically driven
ambitions. Could it be that he is so self-confident of the Tories winning the next
election that he can simply relax and enjoy his privileged life?

3-4 glasses of wine at Sunday lunch at his country retreat followed by karaoke,
tennis, snooker, box sets (thus his nickname DVD Dave - now that's a lot of box
sets), date nights with SamCam, choosing his favourite band of the hour,
napping. The new term given for his life-style is 'chillaxing'.

Education Secretary Michael Gove insisted: “He is the model of how to have a
clear divide between the world of work and then relaxation so you can clear
your mind. There are very few people who have such a finely developed
capacity to do that.” Clear his mind - what mind? Of what exactly? More u-
turns? More ways to woo women voters? More blaming Labour for the world
crisis? His friends say DVD Dave's enthusiasm for not working is a healthy sign
of an appetite for life. A pity many Brits have quite a different 'life': "Oh Ethel,
Should we share two fish fingers or turn on the heat for ten minutes?" Tories
have suggested that we should all be working much harder - like they do. Really.

CMD's shoeless spin/ideas guru, Steve Hilton, and friend for the last 20 years
waved 'good-bye 'n good luck' as he flew to take up his post in California for the
next year. He thinks CMD has become too power-obsessed rather than trying
to create radical changes such as sending Tory hugged hoodies to China to
work in fashion producing factories.

The book discloses that CMD has an intense “dislike of people clicking pens
and checking phones during meetings”. Clearly those who do should be very
careful when playing tennis with CMD. "Ouch. You hit me intentionally!" "I told
you. Only non-clicking pens! Don't make me reveal in the Commons that your
favourite is Barry Manilow!" "But Call Me Dave, he's yours. Mine's James
Blunt." "Now I'm confused."

Last Dance: RIP Donna Summer
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