LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
16 November 2014
Out Of This World

What has travelled 4 billion miles at 34,000 mile per hour, hibernated for 31
months, is now 300 million miles away and is the equivalent of landing a fly on a
speeding bullet? Of course you know it's the Rosetta Mission brought to you by
the European Space Agency. A European cooperative endeavour for 10 years.
Beyond brilliant...regardless of unforeseen problems. But now for something
completely different. Hint: butt


Does My Exhibitionism Look Big Enough in This?

What vacuous, talentless, thick, pointless, narcissistic Hollywood celebrity has
been covered by the press unrelentingly? Now, now. That's way too many. The
winner of the accolade is the uncovered Kim Kardashian. Of course you knew
that already.

Dear oh dear oh dear. A Photoshopped bigger-than-big oiled bottom. What
could be more appealing? Everything on earth. KK ranted in 2010 regarding a
W magazine cover she posed for: “This really pisses me off… this is serious
porn!” The cover photo showed KK totally naked with the obligatory black bars
blocking out her 'private' bits accompanied by a photo spread depicted her
totally naked covered in silver body paint. Remember? Thank god I don't. I exert
a lot of effort to avoid anything to do with that Hollywood KKKKKlan.

The magazine cover story was titled “Kim Kardashian: The Art of Reality”. Hers
we can only assume. Is there any other? “Kim Kardashian can’t sing, act or
dance, but she’s found the role of a lifetime in the fine art of playing herself.”
Her celebrity increased exponentially. Huh?

Kim's rant continued: “Oh my God, I’m more naked than I was in Playboy!”
sobbing to her sisters. “I’m so mad right now. She promised I would be covered
with artwork. You can see nipple. The whole concept was sold to me that
nothing would be seen.” Oh my god you must be close to gobsmacked now -
unless you already know about this rant.

“I feel so taken advantage of (tissues)...I’ve definitely learned my lesson…I’m
never taking my clothes off again, even if it’s for Vogue. I don’t want people to
be like, ‘All she’s good for is, you know, being naked.'" Oh mon dieu.

Never taking her clothes off again...really? What a difference a few years
makes: 'reality' show, sex tape, millions (and millions) of dollars, marriage to a
scarily-self-deluded celebrity, motherhood (lovely) can make.

Two years on KK is clearly euphoric standing in delirious naked exhibitionism.
KK has more to share with her adoring devotees: “I love sharing my world with
people. That’s just who I am.” This in her how-much-bigger-can-my-bum-get
porn photo shoot in Paper magazine. Oh Kim, thank you, thank you for sharing.
Her overly-oiled nakedness in Paper is clearly a coup for the publication
featuring pop-culture, nightlife, film - the usual - and oops - fashion, with
125,000 paid subscribers and1.3 million visitors seeking the 'cool' on line. Not
desperate then.

Is their Winter issue a Christmas issue? But (and I don't mean butt) if it is,
would it suggest 'all I want for Christmas is a freak-show-bum I could rest my
champagne glass on'? KK tweeted (does this woman ever sleep?): "And they
say I didn't have a talent...try balancing a champagne glass on your ass LOL."
And we would want to do that why exactly? KK wanted to 'break the internet' -
by metaphorically sitting on it?

If it's a Guinness Book cartoon-bum record you might want to break, no
worries. 'Buttocks implants are the fastest growing (not quite growing though)
cosmetic procedure in the US. 11,000 since 2012, up nearly 60%.' The
sociological/cultural discussion is surely endless....


Take the Plunge

However, how low can you go? OK. Other than using your bum. To your navel
is the answer. I must admit, I am getting truly bored and simultaneously
annoyed that every 'look-at-me' actress/singer/celebrity wears dresses for
press exposure  exposing their chests. Do they not take a last quick look in the
mirror - or surely mirrors - before they get into their limos? You know they look
ridiculous - and actually unattractive.

Inside, outside, bottom, front - how many ways can they reveal their breasts?
Haven't we seen most of them already? Multiple times. You know it is de rigueur
that all actresses must be naked and lately f***ed from behind...assuming (yes,
I know) they are then interchangeable rather like using one of those creepy
blow-up dolls. Sigh.

Evidently 'flashing the flesh' puts money in the bank. According to a fashion
editor at Lucky magazine Noelle Sciacca: “We’re really going to see it this
upcoming [spring] season. It’s a wearable trend.” Is it? Apparently as it is at
Topshop and Asos. Hurry.

“It’s a game they play,” says celebrity stylist/television personality Robert Verdi.
“How naked can I be while remaining dressed?”

Lately, a bit of black tape is all you need.


Do They Know There is No Snow in Africa

Bob Geldof and his hair is reviving Band Aid Do They Know It's Christmas to
'save Africa'. Am I wrong to think there was some dodgy dealing regarding the
millions donated in 1984, Sir Bob? Just asking, Bob.

Musicians Amandou and Mariam - you surely know who they are - and Omou
Sangaré plus regional musicians have created a truly lovely heart-felt song to
create awareness about the virus; how it’s transmitted and the importance of
immediately seeking help from doctors.

It's Africa Stop Ebola. The money goes (and you know it will) to the truly
extraordinary Médecins Sans Frontières. And not an ego in sight. Give them
your f***ing money!
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