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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
Back Off Obamas - 2 April 2009
“Da you um think we’ve um beaten the um Bush’s record um for the-power-back-steering?”
“Yeah. How many did you do?”
“Um seventy-two. You?”
“Damn. Only sixty-five…so far…but I win because I touched the Queen! Ha, ha, hee, hee. I could
have steered her all through the Palace like she was on roller skates. Ha! She was putty in my
hands for at least 10 seconds! She even said ‘please keep in touch won’t you’. In touch! I win! I
win!”
“Fuck! Ya did. Um gimme um a cigarette! I still um need to back-steer that um English journalist
who had the um nerve to tell me um that the greatest imperialist capitalist um super power in the
world is um responsible for the um little credit crunch. I’ll um get him before um we leave!”
“I think they call it British, not English.”
“Who um cares! It’s just a um silly tea-drinking country um the size of Oregon. Now I’m um
playing mind um games with the dumb um oaf, Gordon, um anyway.”
“Do you use your whole palm or your fingers?”
“I um use the um heel of my um hand. You?
“Me too. If they don’t respond quick enough, I push them. But my new plan is to hug them!”
“Michelle! You um get to um show your um American superiority. Damn. I can’t hug!”
“Ha, ha, hee, hee. I win again. Just watch me tomorrow. I am going to speak down to them and
then hug them. Just call me Oprah!”
“Yer not um playing fair here. I can only put um lifts in my um shoes to make me um stand over
them. But um I have been um working on my um glowing smile. Have um you noticed?”
“Yeah. You win on that one. I have that jutting jaw thing going on. Gordon took to me right away.
Did you see that?”
“He um drops his um jaw down to his socks. Um annoying isn’t it?”
“I’ve been too busy with his expressionless wife. Do you think they are alive? I think I’ll hug her
really hard today. Maybe squeeze the air out of her lungs. What do you think BO?”
“Save it for um Carla. She’ll be um doing that French um kissing thing. I just um want a um
knighthood. Sir Barack. Does it um come with um a kilt?”
“Da you um think we’ve um beaten the um Bush’s record um for the-power-back-steering?”
“Yeah. How many did you do?”
“Um seventy-two. You?”
“Damn. Only sixty-five…so far…but I win because I touched the Queen! Ha, ha, hee, hee. I could
have steered her all through the Palace like she was on roller skates. Ha! She was putty in my
hands for at least 10 seconds! She even said ‘please keep in touch won’t you’. In touch! I win! I
win!”
“Fuck! Ya did. Um gimme um a cigarette! I still um need to back-steer that um English journalist
who had the um nerve to tell me um that the greatest imperialist capitalist um super power in the
world is um responsible for the um little credit crunch. I’ll um get him before um we leave!”
“I think they call it British, not English.”
“Who um cares! It’s just a um silly tea-drinking country um the size of Oregon. Now I’m um
playing mind um games with the dumb um oaf, Gordon, um anyway.”
“Do you use your whole palm or your fingers?”
“I um use the um heel of my um hand. You?
“Me too. If they don’t respond quick enough, I push them. But my new plan is to hug them!”
“Michelle! You um get to um show your um American superiority. Damn. I can’t hug!”
“Ha, ha, hee, hee. I win again. Just watch me tomorrow. I am going to speak down to them and
then hug them. Just call me Oprah!”
“Yer not um playing fair here. I can only put um lifts in my um shoes to make me um stand over
them. But um I have been um working on my um glowing smile. Have um you noticed?”
“Yeah. You win on that one. I have that jutting jaw thing going on. Gordon took to me right away.
Did you see that?”
“He um drops his um jaw down to his socks. Um annoying isn’t it?”
“I’ve been too busy with his expressionless wife. Do you think they are alive? I think I’ll hug her
really hard today. Maybe squeeze the air out of her lungs. What do you think BO?”
“Save it for um Carla. She’ll be um doing that French um kissing thing. I just um want a um
knighthood. Sir Barack. Does it um come with um a kilt?”
