|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
15 June 2017
|"Nothing's Changed! Nothing's Changed!"
Such a tragic, harrowing story and so many are culpable. Rather than trying to
list them, let’s start with Boris. Boris who closed fire stations, firefighter
positions, fire safety officers with such arrogant, entitled disregard. Shame,
shame, shame. Who – in their right mind – would do something so clearly
insane. No response necessary. It’s Boris.
Begging via petitions for government intervention over safety concerns came to
what? Quelle surprise. Rien. Housing fund cuts by, until last week, the housing
minister Gavin Barwell, Theresa’s new chief of staff. Wait. Where was good
Christian Theresa mixing among the plebs? Hmmmm. Coward? Unfeeling? Oh
Another privatised company, radical council cuts...desperate people threw their
children out of windows to save them, people jumped from the windows to save
themselves. And you just know, not one of those responsible will acknowledge it -
or actually experience any remorse. A pox on all your houses; those who have
blood on their hands. Thank god for all the brilliant heroism and generosity of all
the community and firefighters, paramedics, triage medics and nurses.
“Dead Woman Walking” …clue: dead. And I don’t mean literally. Dead as in
‘dead inside’. Theresa’s reaction to the massive mess she has created was
absolutely shocking. Regardless of how often, how vigorously she was pressed,
she just couldn’t say the simplest word – or words. Oh say: ‘sorry’, ‘oops’ would
have sufficed or ‘my mistake’ or ‘I was ill’. And what did she say? Yes, ‘stable’…
again!? I’m going to have to reorganise my brain to respond to that word with
images of Ascot…stable…horses….
The very fact that no longer Teflon, Theresa is willing to be utterly degraded,
demeaned, discredited is so pathetic the woman has no instinctive sense of
honour clearly, forget principled pride. Shouldn’t (often) matching-outfit (ew,ew,
ew) husband Philip tell her to get out before she goes down in history as a
pathetic power-grabbing idiot, I mean PM? Really. How could you allow your
‘loved one’ be the subject of such world-wide ridicule? Really. Perhaps he wants
her to stay home and perform her ‘girl’ duties. I’m picturing Cinderella.
Surely the viciously vile Tories are merely waiting it out, using her until they can
organise themselves and literally shove her out the Number 10 front door, ouch!
watch the cats! to be replaced by – erm – Boris? Oh surely not – or ugh –
smirky Mikey. Or, I can’t even say it; I’ll have to whisper it: the argh perpetually
smug David Davis – erm, ugh, argh about cover it.
The very fact that Boris stood in front of the cameras and lied straight-face
about his undying (see what I’ve done here) love and support of his new best
friend Theresa. Save us. It’s Boris vs Davis expressing their enduring love and
support for ‘the dead woman walking’. They secretly want her to be ‘the dead
woman dead’ – clearly. Out manoeuvring, stitching each other up? Never. Not
those compassionate conservatives. But they would sell their Grans to get ahead
- mums, children, dogs, ….
Hideous Gove calls himself ‘a shy green’. Get prepared, rolling on the floor
coming up. “…I’ve learnt [is] that I’m an environmentalist but a lot of the time
didn’t realise it.” And neither did we, Mikey. Mikey called for EU laws to be
relaxed in his own constituency as they increased house prices, voted against
emissions, tried to take climate change out of the national curriculum in schools,
blocked a colleague from attending climate change talks – for starters. Hmmm.
I'd place a bet he loves fracking.
Did the MPs take turns stomped on her toes until she squealed: “Stop! Stop!
Alright! Alright! You’re ruining my shoes! What do you want me to say?” having
clearly threatened her with expulsion if she didn’t ‘apologise’ to them. So used to
lying, how hard could it be? “A joke? I have to tell a joke!?” Theresa contrite? Oh
dear, they are having a laugh, as you should as well.
Word is Nick&Fiona have not been shipped off to Siberia, Venezuela, Australia,
Trump Tower. They are hiding at Number 10, still advising. Oh you aren’t
surprised are you? Really? Who do you think wrote her mea culpa? Certainly
not Theresa. Oh. Possibly her vicar.
13 June 2017
Right. Not to Theresa that is. But are we having fun yet? ‘It’s the Sun Wot Won
It’ along with the Times, the Express, the Metro, the Telegraph, the Evening
Standard. Not quite! ‘It’s the Sun Wot Didn’t’. No majority guys, although I’m
tempted to say ‘boys’. Second election suggested already; we might be having
loads of fun soon.
Strong and stable, erm…really? Not. No matter how hard Theresa tried to
appear human – well, she did try - waiting until the last day of campaigning. Did
we actually watch Theresa waving hysterically? “Hi…hi…hi…” Did we actually
watch Theresa bounding up steps or was that a hop, a skip? Yes we did and we
thought “What!? Who is this? A stand-in? Stunt double?” There was naturally
that ‘look away now’ alarming smiling thing she does. At least she didn’t do that
preferred American ‘pointing’ to imaginary supporters thing. No spring in her
Field of Dreams
Remember when Theresa was interviewed by ITV’s Julie Etchingham recently?
JE: What’s the naughtiest thing you ever did?
TM: Oh, goodness me. Well, I suppose… gosh. Do you know I’m not quite sure.
I can’t think what the naughtiest thing.
JE: There must’ve been a moment when…
TM: Well, nobody is ever perfectly behaved, are they? I mean, you know, there
are times when… I have to confess, when me [sic] and my friend, sort of, used
to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren’t too pleased about that.
Selling arms to the Saudis perhaps? Deceiving the peasants perhaps? Making
secret deals while hand-holding with The Orange One perhaps? A field?
So the Nick&Fiona game is to simply pretend nothing, yes, no, nothing! has
changed. Literally. Nothing. The woman’s arrogance is unsurpassed and that’s
not easy when you’re a Tory. But her speech after her meeting with the Queen
bordered on the surreal. She totally f***ed up in a major historic way. She
clearly hadn’t noticed? The woman has no idea what she has done? Really? If
true. She is pathological. Oh, perhaps no one told her. I’m losing touch with
reality here. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Then she had to give it a little Nick&Fiona think (ha) and granted an interview to
apologise (ha) for her close (ha) friends losing their seats. Another U-turn,
Theresa. We’ve stopped counting. You’d assume she would have whip-lash at
Shouldn’t her husband, Philip have had a little word with her? Hubris?
Graciousness? Sorry? Or simply: “Oh for God’s sake, Theresa. Lie. It is one of
your superlative skills!” And what the hell was Philip doing? A dual-rulership? We
have heard that, but Theresa couldn’t face the press and the Queen alone? As a
perfectly performing robot, why? We know he buys her handbags. Yes, I know.
Christ! Or really, creepy! We didn’t see him clutching a clutch bag – or holding
her hand. I’m not getting this Theresa’s plus one.
Name and Shame
And now Theresa in bed with her “friends and allies” the DUP. Move over Philip.
Look who is taking us back to the 70s – and it’s not Jeremy. Even he stopped
there rather than the 19th century. You know fundamentalist 70’s based – and
proud of it, anti-gay, anti-climate change, anti-abortion party. A few necessary
details to warm your heart. Some senior members want creationism taught in
schools. Oh My God. Let’s name one: Thomas Buchanan. Then another thinks
the earth was created 4,000 years ago. Edwin Poots. Environmental minister
introduced a scheme that could result in the tax payer being hit with a bill of
£490m. Arlene Foster. Negotiations? It will be ‘the devil in the details’ won’t it?
Oh right. They believe in the devil.
What a mess from someone who clearly never makes a mess being a ‘control-
freak’. But no worries. Remember Theresa’s mantra: “Nothing has changed!”
See, now don’t you feel strong and stable? And where are all the very vocal
Tories? In hiding. “Theresa who?”
We’ve still got Boris, Hammond, Davis. Buffoon Boris, hopeless Hammond,
disdainful Davis and even Amber Rudd is new on the scene and barely held on
to her seat. Oh dear. What to do…what to do…. Collective groan here. Look out
Theresa. It’s Boris coming in the back door of Number 10. “Oh Philip. Where
are you? Help!” Now that Nick and Fiona have resigned, there’s only Philip. So
where is he? Hiding? Surely not.
Who's Counting Now?
And the others? In London: Zac Goldsmith wins in Richmond by 43, oh sorry, 45
votes. Surely not the family voting. In Kensington, the final constituency to add
up the votes, Tories have always held the seat. They had to stop the recount due
to exhaustion. The Kensington MP, Lady Victoria Borwick supports fox hunting,
the ivory trade and doesn’t do climate change. And people voted for her? No
they didn’t. After three recounts, Labour took the seat with – breath-holding here
– t w e n t y votes!!! Ah, that ‘your vote counts’ is true then. Brilliant!!! But – Nick
Clegg? One of the few humans in politics. Gone.
At the end of the weeks, seven if you’re counting, Theresa didn’t totally wipe out
the Labour party did she? Oh well. We can’t say ‘bon chance next time,
Theresa’, can we? As presenters have been saying: “It’s been catastrophic!” But
not for anti-Brexit, anti-right wing, anti-dictatorship, anti-entitlement, anti-human
rights elimination, anti-fox hunting, anti-austerity, anti-moi, anti-hubris, anti-ad inf
hoping we will finally see the back of her – soon.
Theresa should fall on her sword before they knife her in the back. But perhaps
she deserves that. We do. Ouch.
A small disparate rant to follow: TV coverage? Ch4, the ‘American’ channel,
leading with more than 22 minutes from the start of the programme devoted to
their president, so I switched to BBC and quelle surpise, there they were,
covering 100 days in America, and Sky? Oh thank god – reprieve – but for how
long? Election night in Britain? Really? For a minute there, I thought I had been
transported to America, without my permission.
Things Can Only Get Better
Things can only get better for the Tory toffs. UK economic growth to tumble
predicts the OECD. Tumble? Uh oh.
According to the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development, the
UK’s economic growth will dip this year before dropping sharply in 2018,
Blimey! Did anyone inform Theresa? Oh right. She doesn’t do economics.
Forecasters at the group predicted growth will dip to 1.6% in 2017 before falling
further to 1% the following year. The latter figure would make the UK one of the
poorest-performing of the major economies, ahead only of Italy.
Hmmm. Unemployment is expected to rise with companies cutting back
investment amid uncertainty concerning future relations with the EU and
naturally lower profit margins. So it will be poor Little Britain. Oh, except for the
rich. Oh dear, oh dear.