LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
3 March 2013
Not Celebrating

"Readers will love her relaxed and easy entertaining ideas which will help with
the preparation for all sorts of occasions. Pippa will be an excellent contributor
to the magazine (Waitrose monthly mag), bringing with her a wealth of
experience of entertaining, gained in part from working at her family's party
business." Surely William Sitwell, editor of the magazine
Waitrose Kitchen, is
having a right laugh. "She will dispense sage (sage...sage...? she knows the
meaning of the word let alone the herb?) advice on how to prepare a ‘Friday
night feast’... her ‘wealth of experience’ will be ‘loved’ by readers." Oh no they
won't.

It isn't that Pippa is replacing Delia; it's that Pippa is now part of the
Waitrose/John Lewis 'family'. Celebrated for her recipes, Delia Smith, 71, who
has sold 21 million cookery books... recognized for upstaging her sister, Pippa,
29, whose £25 book,
Celebrate was reduced to £5 in the Waitrose supermarket
should say it all.

As anyone with even the smallest brain knows, Pippa is - oh where to start -
social-climbing, annoying, vacuous, one sandwich short of a picnic - but then
clearly Pippa would suggest using 2 slices of bread to make a sandwich - the
list is simply too long.

Waitrose customers have gone mad: ‘A gratuitous insult to any customers with
half a brain!’ ‘If her party book is anything to go by, you may well regret your
decision.’

Lest we have had a moment of memory failure: Pippa has shared her advice in
her failed tome: stop cakes from going stale by putting them in ‘an airtight tin’,
lighting a bonfire on Bonfire Night, serving pumpkin soup in a hollowed-out
pumpkin at Halloween, pouring hot drinks from flasks into ‘mugs or paper cups’
(what? paper cups? and then serve them to manic toddlers?), how to toast
marshmallows over a fire required ‘a long-handled fork’ and ‘flames’, and of
course, how to make ice.

With Twitter and Facebook expressing the incredulous belief that Pippa was
capable of anything a Waitrose spokesman responded: "We are not making
any comment about what is on Facebook and Twitter because we are
absolutely delighted that Pippa Middleton is joining us as a  columnist." Surely
the family will follow waving their bunting at Waitrose entrances, sharing their
underpaid worker's piñata ideas, selling W adorned party hats - endless
possibilities....

‘Pippa’s Friday Night Feasts’ will advise on the best meals to start the weekend
off with friends. "It will be an exciting opportunity to share my own passion and
enthusiasm for food and entertaining" as quoted by their new advisor on
serving turkey at Christmas. "I’m delighted to be writing for
Waitrose Kitchen, a
magazine that’s always been a source of inspiration to me." Oh dear. Knife in
the heart of Delia from not the sharpest knife in the box.

Personally. I'm switching my supermarket loyalty. No more Waitrose for me...or
most probably, Delia.
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