26 March 2013
Nasty Piece of Work

A Russian assassin with a scarf in the sauna - or not. A nasty undetectable
poison - perhaps. Door locked from the inside. No suicide note. Death
'unexplained' so far. Bruises on the neck. Hanging is the latest postmortem
conclusion by the Home Office pathologist. Heavy man hanged with a scarf
from shower rod? Really? With bits of the scarf left on the rod?

Former mathematician, Russian oligarch described by the Russian media as 'a
giant spider', 67 year old Boris Berezovsky, dressed in a suit, was found dead
by his body guard in his bathroom.

Call in TV magician/sleuth Jonathan Creek, who has been resurrected after
what seems like quite a hiatus. Next week BBC will show an Easter Special:
Clue of the Savant's Thumb
. Hmmmm. Clue: door locked from the inside.

It has been reported that Berezovsky wrote a secret 'begging letter' to his sworn
enemy, Putin. Disenchanted with England after 13 years of exile, having been
defeated in his high court £3bn case against former business partner, Russian
oligarch Roman Abramovich leaving him shocked and with £100 million debts
beyond even his imagination, more millions on his recent divorce, due to be a
witness in the inquest next week of the polonium poisoning of his friend
Alexander Litvinenko by the Russians, he is said to have revealed he saw no
reason to live. His friends and family say otherwise.

Three suspicious deaths of former Russians in five years all living near each
other including Boris' former business partner. Nikolay Kovalyov, the former
head of the FSB, told Russian TV that "Berezovsky had got what he and other
traitors to the motherland deserved under the KGB's unforgiving code – a nasty
death". Boris survived a number of assassination attempts, including a bomb in
his car which decapitated his chauffeur.

One of Boris' closest friends, Nikolai Glushkov: "Boris was strangled. Either he
did it himself or with the help of others...I will never believe in the natural death
of Boris Berezovsky." He told
The Times: "I don't agree that it was suicide. I
don't accept it at all."

The other Boris - the "you are a nasty piece of work" Boris Johnson, Mayor of
London - as BBC Eddie Mair said to him in the now considered 'bike-crash
interview'. Blimey! A bit harsh. The interviewer pressed him on his past
indiscretions: one affair and resulting pregnancy, his fabrication of a quote and
resulting termination when he worked as a trainee journalist on
The Times.
Boris tried to smile and evade, avoid but to no avail. Mair wanted to "talk about
you." Boris wanted otherwise: "Well that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid."

As revealed on the BBC
Boris Johnson: The Irresistible Rise, Russian,
Turkish, French, German, English course through his genealogical veins,
Christian, Jewish, Muslim. His Father once worked for MI6, his mother a
painter who seemingly disappeared  (ie nervous breakdown) for 8 months when
he was only little, his parents divorced while he was at Eton where he became
Captain of the School.

Boris, his 2 brothers, 1 sister who are all 'vigorously' competitive, moved house
30 times in 15 years, discovered at Eton that he could be very amusing to all
when he was on stage - tellingly he didn't bother to learn his lines, so he read
them off stage and got a laugh - not unlike what he does now when asked direct
questions. His equally attention-seeking, competitive sister Rachel, comes
across enamoured of his accomplishments: "charming, ruthless, single-minded,
determined".  President of the Oxford Union, member of the rather infamous
Bullingdon Club for the entitled posh boys. "He knows life is a competition and
he wants to be top." Apparently 'world king' is the job he aspired to.

Dishevelled buffoon, bungling bike-rider, jokey wordsmith, fun and fascinating,
formidable, game-loving, glib, gaff-prone, mischievous, self-mocking, chaotic,
colourful, contradictory, calculating, clever, unfaithful to his wife, takes the piss
out of PM CallMeDave, not a team player, side-steps responsibility but will his
lack of moral compass, his 'playfulness' with the truth prevent his rise to PM
position? They say he just wants to be loved. Well he is, but will that be
enough? The basic problem with all attempts at opaqueness, is that they're
always transparent.

A nasty piece of work? Not quite. Just remember the zip wire episode. Nasty
just doesn't seem appropriate, does it.

When asked if he is on the path to prime ministerial power he equates his
chances as that of being reincarnated as an olive or being decapitated by a
Frisbee. “This programme was such a bad idea,” he said to Mair with a smile.

Good TV, but not good Prime Minister material.
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