| LETTERS FROM LONDON |
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| REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL 5 October 2013 |
| The Ed Miliband Show Oh Ed. You are beginning to act in an obvious ‘I want to be the victor regardless’ sort of way. Ignoring your stab at fratricide (can we really? I think not), you may be performing with a bit too much ‘fervour’. A few suggestions. Please pay attention and pay heed. Firstly: Stop repeating every bloody phrase, sentence, two words, point, thought. Just stop. We heard you the first time...and the second. Don’t think ‘third time lucky’. It won’t be. We’re talking back to the telly whenever you appear and that is not good. We’re becoming irritable. Secondly: No snogging. Ever. Those photos of you and your lawyer wife, Justine, lips locked is beyond silly. It’s pathetic and it won’t work. This is not American politics – as yet – although threateningly close to it. If you start mentioning god, as they do there, all is lost. But back to those staged photos. Why? What’s the point? Just wrong. Trust me here. Thirdly: While on the subject of the Ed and Justine Show - perhaps not such a clever move – bringing along the kids. Shamless, Ed. Family values? Don’t do it. You’re over-doing it. Perhaps a simple suggestion here. Have Justine reveal another facial expression. We have only ever – yes ever – seen one. You know the one. It’s stupid. You should have learned from SamCam who also only has one...the one where SC stares blankly in total confusion, wondering if she is dreaming. Your wife smiles even though she looks like she’s about to be hit by a bus. It’s disturbing and hints at Stepford Wives. Again. Not a good look. Fourthly: No more allusions to some person, couple, family in Britain totally unknown to us (and you). It’s that old Ronald Reagan ploy: ‘Let me tell you about Mindy in Minneapolis...’ Ed, we don’t care. It’s uninspired and uninspiring. Fifthly: The Daily Mail furore. Tax-dodging-owner-son-of-Black-Shirt-admirer refused to have the paper properly apologise for clearly creepy and very wrong insult of your father, referencing his 17 year old opinions and labelling him The Man Who Hated Britain. But crediting yourself as carrying the banner of truth and courage. No. Everybody supports you, except the moron Education Secretary Michael Gove, so leave it. Lastly: Prepare Ed. The nasty party has been notched up to the evil party via Australian spin master, Lynton Crosby and it is going to get very personal and very ugly very soon. Ask yourself: what would Gromit do? |