LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
14 July 2016
May Day! May Day!

The U-turning, vacuous, terminally entitled, self-referring ‘compassionate
Conservative’ (ha) CallMeDave is gone. No more joy in repeating his request to
call him ‘Call Me Dave’. Feeling forlorned? forsaken? sad? depressed? Oh wait.
Of course you are. It’s the end of Britain as we know it isn’t it. Thanks again
Dave. We will never forget you – or forgive you for what you’ve done. Off to
France, huh Dave? ‘Tra la la la’ or was it ‘dum da dum de dumb’? Yes Dave, we
heard you humming that happy tune. No jig then, Dave? But still “pumped up”
then, Dave….

We can assume his happy tune wasn’t his – erm – ‘favourite’ band The Smiths.
Lest we forget CallMeDave’s misquoting their lyrics – twice. In 2010 former
Smiths’ guitarist, Johnny wrote: “David Cameron, stop saying that you like The
Smiths, no you don’t. I forbid you to like it.” Did Dave learn? No he didn’t as he
got the lyrics wrong a second time. Thank god we won’t ever have to hear “calm
down dear”…. Bye Dave. History will never forget what you have done - no
matter how self-deluded you are.


Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

New PM Theresa May has stolen Corbyn’s obsessive ideological position on
social justice. Equality, fairness, opportunity, ad inf. It wasn’t one of Dave’s PR
stunts.  Will she ‘hug a hoodie’? Does she truly believe it? Should be quite
fascinating now, no? “The government I lead will be driven not by the interests of
the privileged few, but by you.” Oh oops, Jez. Now what? It’s May Day. TM has
plans to promote women – remember them, JC? Oh right. You didn’t did you?
Intentionally (surely) blundering, bumbling, blond, buffoon Boris head of MI6?
Zip wire Boris? Oh yes really. Really why? Britain’s ambassador to the rest of
the world? Boris who took out a ten year old Japanese boy with an aggressive
rugby tackle during ‘a friendly’ game? Prepare to hold your head in your hands.
Boris who referred to black people as “piccaninnies” with “watermelon smiles”.
Just beyond imagination. Boris who has seriously insulted everyone from
Turkey's President Erdogan to Papua New Guinea to Hilary to…oh you know all
the rest surely. Well, Brexit is Brexit isn’t it…. Was Boris’ appointment May’s
idea of a joke? World reaction? “It’s a joke isn’t it?” Do you think Francois
Holland will share his hairdresser, with whom he spends nearly €10,000 (more
than £8,000) every month, with Boris? Appearing overnight on the fence at
Boris’ home:
SORRY WORLD.

Reasons to be cheerful. OK. Not many, but Georgie Osborne, John
Whittingdale, Nicky Morgan and Michael Gove gone, gone, gone, gone.
Perhaps a little humming here – right Dave? OK. But the hideously smug Jeremy
Hunt is still Health Secretary. Junior doctors will not be cheerful.


Mayhem

Intimidation, homophobia, threats of violence, death and rape, overt
misogyny…a brick thrown through Angela Eagle’s office window…ah it’s
Corbyn's cult; the fanatical frenzied devotees, Momentum, demonstrating their
wisdom and maturity undoubtedly encouraged by Corbyn’s expletive-shouting
mouth-piece (certainly not mouth-peace), John McDonnell.

JC is allowed to stand in the Labour leadership ballot. We know they don’t want
Labour to win any election – ever. We know they want the party to split – as it
will. They think they are the party of protest. I’m thinking vicious, vile, villainous.

The Mirror has revealed all is not cheery in the Corbyn camp. Labour-
committed-Corbyn (cue: laugh here) is evidently rather ‘absent’ at staff
meetings, concentrating on eating taking up his attention. Ah life is good. (cue:
you just can’t make this stuff up). Stuffing his mouth with noodles and granola
bars. Oh clearly to keep his energy up (cue: hahaha). He sits silently through
key weekly planning meetings when decisions and plans need to be made (cue:
operative word here? ‘key’). Oh dear oh dear. And we know their guru doesn’t
take phone calls or personal requests from others in the party who don’t
genuflect to show undying devotion. Not looking good is it?

Three sources have disclosed their experiences working with JC’s HQ and it is
obviously not pretty, claiming “paranoia” and “sheer incompetence”. Oh let’s add
shambolic, ineffectual, indecisive, muddled, farcical, nasty and now quite
hateful. The inside sources say that it is “impossible” to get decisions from their
man at the top. “There was just no leadership at all. It was a joke.” The man is
said to live for adulation – rather an addiction at this point. Oh dear, oh dear.

JC’s “open and honest brand of politics”? Oh dream on. They secretly planted
questions at events to be asked by those young naïve devotees. His top aides
issued a direct order “not to get sucked in” to Labour’s campaign to keep Britain
in the EU. Their objective was to sabotage any Remain efforts. JC’s pro-EU
campaign speeches were repeatedly watered down, and events would suddenly
be cancelled at the 11th hour and JC went on holiday. To France? Germany?
Possibly not.

Clearly the party is going to split. What have they done? Oh right. Keeping the
Tories in power forever – and ever and ever. Going down (as it were) in history
like CallMeDave, Jez? Be afraid, be very afraid – and sad, despairing –
whatever….


How May I Help You

Counsellors and psychiatrists are evidently overwhelmed with panicked patients
who are suddenly suffering from ‘Brexit anxiety’. Huh?

A psychiatrist at the Priority’s Wellbeing Centre has said at least 80 per cent of
patients talk about Brexit. “…people in banking and medics and lawyers…I talk
to them about living with uncertainty and we have to develop mechanisms which
help us cope with that.” Another has said all her patients are worried about the
security of their jobs, paying an increase in their mortgages, and if they have
made a mistake voting for Brexit. Really? I’m curiously not feeling empathy here.
You?

Even children are suffering from job anxiety apparently. And no, not their own
jobs. They are worried about their parents keeping their jobs, having to move – I’
m thinking down-sizing here. Families and friends are still at odds in regards to
‘in’ or ‘out’ positions. Remain voters are still in shock and still angry followed by
“sadness, frustration and even despair” says the director of a mental health
charity. “Symptoms of the anxiety included dizziness, a dry palate,
sleeplessness or a sense of foreboding and impending disaster.” Well, that sums
me up succinctly.
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