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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
We are Living in a Material World... - 8 May 2008
Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has taken up the cause of British property angst. Thanks, Guy.
He has declared that “big money” foreigners are buying up all the desirable properties in central
London…that Mr M’s “big money” foreigner wife might want to buy? Tut tut.
“Unless you’ve got 10 million quid,” you simply can’t buy your (over-priced, over-inflated dream)
home.
“There hasn’t been a property correction here for 20 years. House prices don’t go down, they
just go up. And the natives of England are sort of being left behind because the big money came
in and if it wanted something, it bought it and it made a bigger fortune by doing so.” Ah. All those
first time buyers unable to beat each other off with sticks over these 10 million quid properties. I
see.
It has to be said that in ten years house prices have increased from £70,000 to £192,000. Could
Guy have a new career in front of him? Clairvoyant? Futurist? Trend setter? What a guy.
As Madonna goes global, six extravagant properties make up her portfolio with another waiting
for her poised pen. Her £7m family house plus the ten bedroom £6m house next to it – now her
gym - two mews cottages – for her domestic help, one £1.6m Georgian townhouse in Regent’s
Park, two Kabbalah headquarters, one £9m shooting range – the Ashcombe estate in Wiltshire -
not to mention those in Beverly Hills and New York where she keeps her pink exercise outfits.
You can do the maths.
Mr M blames the Russian oligarchs who have changed London ‘culturally’ with their new money.
Whereas Madonna’s fortune is old money clearly.
“Madge! Get out the check book! The oligarchs are coming! The oligarchs are coming!”
“They have a unique way of doing business. They don’t haggle – they double the price on
everything. If it’s going for £500m, they’ll pay £1bn. So it has left everyone with their pants down
a bit.” Is that because they can? But what’s it got to do with pants or pants down or pants down
a bit? I’m confused, Guy. Is this practice underpanting…undermining Madonna’s property
developer’s dreams?
Mr M’s new film involves Russian mobsters who get involved in a property deal that goes wrong.
Was all that ranting a PR exercise then? I can only count 5 oligarchs in London. So many million
pound houses, so few billionaire oligarchs.
In our reality, those ubiquitous estate agencies that replaced our local cafes, newsagents,
greengrocers, Oxfam as we slept - that we have all grown to hate passionately - are closing at
150 branches, 600 agents per week. None of us can say we aren’t glad to see the back of their
shiny suits and their salon-gelled-spiky hair.
One (devious) agency I have dealt with personally and wish I hadn’t had only 5 potential buyers
over an historically busy May weekend as compared to 32 last year. Viewings are down 70%…
the number of unsold properties is almost 90% higher than a year ago. Smiling. We are all
smiling. Get proper jobs, guys.
Repossession orders are the highest since the housing crash of the early 90’s. ‘Crash’ Guy. It
was a legendary crash. Property prices went down...up, down, up, down; it’s a cyclical concept,
Guy.
And Guy, it was the US that started this property panic, no matter what the Americans say about
Putin. Is Madge learning Russian now?
Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has taken up the cause of British property angst. Thanks, Guy.
He has declared that “big money” foreigners are buying up all the desirable properties in central
London…that Mr M’s “big money” foreigner wife might want to buy? Tut tut.
“Unless you’ve got 10 million quid,” you simply can’t buy your (over-priced, over-inflated dream)
home.
“There hasn’t been a property correction here for 20 years. House prices don’t go down, they
just go up. And the natives of England are sort of being left behind because the big money came
in and if it wanted something, it bought it and it made a bigger fortune by doing so.” Ah. All those
first time buyers unable to beat each other off with sticks over these 10 million quid properties. I
see.
It has to be said that in ten years house prices have increased from £70,000 to £192,000. Could
Guy have a new career in front of him? Clairvoyant? Futurist? Trend setter? What a guy.
As Madonna goes global, six extravagant properties make up her portfolio with another waiting
for her poised pen. Her £7m family house plus the ten bedroom £6m house next to it – now her
gym - two mews cottages – for her domestic help, one £1.6m Georgian townhouse in Regent’s
Park, two Kabbalah headquarters, one £9m shooting range – the Ashcombe estate in Wiltshire -
not to mention those in Beverly Hills and New York where she keeps her pink exercise outfits.
You can do the maths.
Mr M blames the Russian oligarchs who have changed London ‘culturally’ with their new money.
Whereas Madonna’s fortune is old money clearly.
“Madge! Get out the check book! The oligarchs are coming! The oligarchs are coming!”
“They have a unique way of doing business. They don’t haggle – they double the price on
everything. If it’s going for £500m, they’ll pay £1bn. So it has left everyone with their pants down
a bit.” Is that because they can? But what’s it got to do with pants or pants down or pants down
a bit? I’m confused, Guy. Is this practice underpanting…undermining Madonna’s property
developer’s dreams?
Mr M’s new film involves Russian mobsters who get involved in a property deal that goes wrong.
Was all that ranting a PR exercise then? I can only count 5 oligarchs in London. So many million
pound houses, so few billionaire oligarchs.
In our reality, those ubiquitous estate agencies that replaced our local cafes, newsagents,
greengrocers, Oxfam as we slept - that we have all grown to hate passionately - are closing at
150 branches, 600 agents per week. None of us can say we aren’t glad to see the back of their
shiny suits and their salon-gelled-spiky hair.
One (devious) agency I have dealt with personally and wish I hadn’t had only 5 potential buyers
over an historically busy May weekend as compared to 32 last year. Viewings are down 70%…
the number of unsold properties is almost 90% higher than a year ago. Smiling. We are all
smiling. Get proper jobs, guys.
Repossession orders are the highest since the housing crash of the early 90’s. ‘Crash’ Guy. It
was a legendary crash. Property prices went down...up, down, up, down; it’s a cyclical concept,
Guy.
And Guy, it was the US that started this property panic, no matter what the Americans say about
Putin. Is Madge learning Russian now?
