|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
3 March 2019
|Make No Apology
Ah. So did Momentum en masse surround him, tie him to a chair, wave a razor
in front of him and threaten to shave off his beard – the one he has had since he
saw the first tiny hair? That one? Ah. Comrade, coward Corbyn. Rather aligning
himself with coward CallMeDave. So ‘principled’ they say. Oh please!
Calculatingly concealing his irrational hatred of capitalist Europe? That rabid
Brexiteer position he never quite mentioned when he was appointed the saviour
of the Labour party. Yes, he agreed to that second vote. Hmm. But certainly not
to dissuade other Labourites from bolting.
Oh Emily, be careful. We know he has blanked you recently for not bowing to
him and now after being asked if Labour would back Remain, Shadow Foreign
Secretary Thornberry replied: “If it’s a choice between a disastrous Tory Brexit,
or no deal, and Remaining, then that is what we will have to do.” Watch your
Assuming JC doesn’t ever visit the cinema, he’s apparently anti-culture - quelle
surprise! - or possibly totally unaware it exists -– so he wouldn’t acknowledge
that the fabulous The Favourite received €50,000 of EU funding. Nominated for
10 of those gold Oscars don’t you know and of course we know the brilliant,
amusing, lovely, just wonderful Olivia Colman won the only award given out of the
10. €50,000 JC.
Oh not anti-semitism again. BBC Newsnight’s Nick Watt reported: “A senior
Labour figure told me Jeremy Corbyn was heavily involved in the initial decision
not to suspend Chris Williamson.” Apologetic? Never. After all, Williamson said
Labour had been “too apologetic” over anti-Semitism. Both of them that is. It’s
said JC and Williamson are verrrry close. Oh not separated-at-birth then!? Not
And Siobhan McDonagh went on record to HuffPost to claim JC “did all he
could” to stop a suspension. Two other MPs backed up that claim off the record.
The Indy reports that the initial decision not to suspend was ‘taken by Jeremy’.
And even a Twitter row over JC’s response to yet another previous anti-Semitism
crisis. We haven’t forgotten Ken Livingstone’s remarks about Jews and Hitler.
Not looking good at all is it with Jezza doing all he can to wipe out anti-Semitism
in the Labour party is it?
Theresa’s for Turning
March 12 – vote on EU deal, March 13 – vote on no deal, March 14 – extending
Article 50, March 29 – leave with no deal. End of. Or as Theresa repeats
repeatedly: absolutely…absolutely…absolutely. Got it? That’s the plot. Ha ha ha.
Oh wait. It’s no laughing matter is it? It’s – tragic! And not even a tragic-comedy.
Theresa has promised in Parliament more than 100 times that we will be leaving
on March 29. Time is ticking, Theresa.
And that illegal referendum? Oh right. That. First Treasury counsel Sir James
Eadie QC, acting for the prime minister, admitted that Theresa was fully aware
of the unlawful aspects of the referendum campaign: “The true position is that
the PM is well aware of the notorious facts…well published facts…of the EC
findings, fact of an appeal, police investigations, ICO, DCMS committees. All
properly done…& it is perfectly obvious that the PM has decided to carry on”.
Collective jaw-dropping? Surely you knew already. But collectively: “she’s
United We Stand, Divided We Lose
Uh oh. What’s TUNUI? It’s a new organisation that has formed to call for a
united Ireland. The group is called Trade Unionists for a New and United Ireland.
Its Dublin launch took place on 25 February. On its website it asks for “trade
unionists across Ireland to begin engaging in the debate for Irish unity”.
It says: “In the past both states on either side of the border allowed conservative
interests to shape public policy and practice.” More to add to the mess – I mean
mix. No I don’t. It is a right mess as we all know, hiding in humiliation.
Under a Cloud
Hmm. Just another report to drive us into despair. Clouds? Do you love them?
Are you a member of the Cloud Appreciation Society? Well, wave those lovely
big fluffy stratocumulus clouds good-bye.
Scientists have found that there is a point of no return - in our children's lifetime!
as more of the clouds break up due to rising temperatures, and the planet
steadily becomes hotter as a result.
Detailed in Quanta Magazine: ‘BREAKING: A new simulation has revealed that
global warming could cause stratocumulus clouds to disappear in as little as a
century, which would add 8°C (14°F) of extra warming.’
Other than offering shade, painting subjects, awe and beauty, we know clouds
are crucial as reflecting sunlight back into space and keeping the temperature
on Earth stable. Look up now while you can.
OK. Forget the clouds, it’s air we need to know about. Be prepared if you
haven't already heard about this. A website, HushHush, is selling bottled oxygen!
But it’s the price that could make you catch your breath. £55,500 and £329,650.
See. Breathless aren’t you?
OK. It’s the purest air. It’s from the South American Andes, the Canadian
Rockies, the Lake District and naturally, from Mount Everest. Yes. That would
cost you £329,650. Bottles from the Alps, Himalayas, Arctic, Snowdonia and the
Scottish Highlands are currently in development. Phew. We can all breathe
easier now – if of course you are very rich and very entitled. I see celebrities
queuing up. OK. Not literally. They don’t actual queue do they?
Bottled oxygen. Hmm. Am I missing something here? Air? You open the bottle
and what happens? The air is then contaminated with the air in your seemingly
polluted environment. Hmm. And who will prove its authenticity? Hmm.
According to Aaron Harpin, founder and CEO of HushHush: “We hope by
offering ‘Bottled Oxygen’ our wealthy consumers can enjoy the purest air
available without having to travel to the ends of the earth. We believe our
customers deserve the finest things in life and with this unique product we’re
offering clean air, wherever they live.” In a word: gagging.
Walk on By
Walk on the wild side with Nige as he steps up on his big Brexit march from
Sunderland to Westminster from 16 to 29 March. £50 to march behind Nige
against Theresa’s Brexit.
The £50 just to be close to Nige, to rub suit shoulders together, to be dazzled by
his reptilian grin. Evidently non-paying fans of Nige can join the event for free as
cheerleaders – argh – really? Flying the flag? - in those tiny American
cheerleader pants? Allez!
The £50 also pays for an official ‘March to Leave’ kit: a coat, beanie hat, gloves,
T-shirt and water bottle. Stop! A beanie hat. Surely we’ve all done it – not – ever!
Surely Nige will wear one as well. Nige in a beany. Oh what’s not to love!
Nige tweeted: We're marching from Sunderland to London to tell the
Westminster elite we will not be betrayed over Brexit. Get your walking boots on!”
However, word is Nige will not walk the entire route from Sunderland, boots or no
boots. Uh oh. Not exactly a surprise is it?
The route features some gaps where the Farage fanatics can jump onto buses to
be transported up to 30 miles from the end of one stage to the start of the next.
Author Emma Kennedy accused him of cheating, “like you did in 2016” -
referring to the referendum.
The march will end with a rally in Parliament Square. Drum roll included? Oh
right. All those championing cheerleaders squealing and jumping up and down.
“NiiiGGGG!!! NiiiGGGG!!!” Perfect.
Of course she is. We already knew Olivia was, but a few reminders. BAFTAs
Outstanding British Film leading actress, the Oscars actress in a leading role
and best Golden Globes actress in a motion picture musical or comedy.
“One day, when I have finally made it, I will wear a Prada dress.” And she did!
Job done. Job well done, brilliantly done.