|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
25 August 2019
|Money Money Money
Money makes the world go round. Pity it’s ours. More than £10m has been spent
over eight months on an advertising campaign “to help people and businesses
prepare for Brexit”. Not joking here. Not funny.
OK. The government spent £10,842,063 on their Prepare For EU Exit adverts
between November 2018 and July 2019.
The cabinet office spent £2.7m on print, £2.4m on radio, £1.2m on TV and more
than £1 million on social media advertising, and £3m on other platforms. Now
aren’t we thrilled at their ability to splash our cash to further their fervid ideology.
They are so impressive with money. Ah think austerity, HS2, their income
increases for starters. So reassuring.
A government spokesperson told the ignorant peasants: “We have stepped up
preparations to ensure we are ready for Brexit and we have been reviewing the
guidance we are issuing across Whitehall to ensure we are fully prepared for
leaving on 31 October, whatever the circumstances…” Rather ominous don’t you
All right. The inevitable. What have the LA wanna-be celebs done now? You
know, including all the details. 11 days, four private jets, admonishing from Elton,
off-setting planet destruction by making a carbon neutral donation. Oh these
entitled arrogant uber rich are just risible. H&MM hypocritical posing with their
proselytising platform is just pathetic. Barefoot Harry and his lectures and
blaming. Let’s try Harry’s very own words: “…every footprint, every action
makes a difference.” Quite.
Hypocritical-Harry and MM's trip to France was estimated to have had a carbon
footprint of just over three tons and their earlier trip to Ibiza was believed to have
had a footprint of more than four tons. Their latest flight is the equivalent of
emissions from a car for a year. But clearly they were fully aware of that being
the leading eco-warriors on the planet.
At more than £20,000 to hire, Harry&MM could have taken 200 flights to Elton’s
£15 million mansion in Nice for - three days or was it four, for the same price.
Nice. And how much have their little holidays this cost us? Buckingham Palace
is claiming it was a private matter and declined to comment. Hmm. Private
matter? Really? We’re paying. Just saying.
“Inside the safety and tranquillity of our home”… overlooking the Promenade
des Anglais on the French Riviera. Oh, Elton. And all that security we pay for at
Frogmore? All that security we pay for them in their every waking and sleeping
moment? “Safety”? From what exactly? “Safety”? Elton’s entitled rationale? “To
maintain a high level of much-needed protection.” Immediately, Pink, Ellen
deGeneres couldn’t let a “look at me” moment to pass and naturally others
followed, as they would.
Spoiler alert: sick bag at the ready. Then Elton wrote in an Instagram post that
Diana was one of his 'dearest friends' and he feels a “profound sense of
obligation to protect Harry and his family”. OFGS! He always drags out the
‘Diana card’. Pathetic!!! Shameful!!! Really Elton!
And what did H&MM do next? Incredulously they posted on their Instagram a
quote from Archbishop Desmond Tutu about doing 'your little bit of good'. The
quote read: “Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good
put together that overwhelm the world”. In the Riviera? Oh Desmond! Very
And then! I know… the Wills’ rivalry made headlines. Possibly a smile.
Libby Purves in the Daily Mail: “You couldn’t make it up. Ibiza-sleaze and
popstar preening for one pair; for the other, a bleary early morning at Norwich
Oh, and H&MM’s six day Ibiza stay with their entourage? £108,000 per night. No
word from Elton on that. The eco-warriors also hired Spanish guards to bolster
the security provided by Royal protection officers.
Wills etc piled into budget £73-a-head FlyBe plane flying to Balmoral. As you do
when you are trying to humiliate your royal rivals. The media loved it.
Facts on the Ground
Ears to the ground, another earthquake. At the UK’s only active fracking site, a
tremor measuring 1.05 on the Richter scale on Friday night two days after a
magnitude 1.55 tremor which was the largest ever tremor at the site run by
Cuadrilla. 60 days of fracking last year - 57 tremors at the site.
We all know all the reasons fracking is total madness, but evidently we know less
than we thought. The UK’s national earthquake monitoring agency has a secret
deal – note secret – with Cuadrilla to destroy confidential documents/materials
Cuadrilla is trying to hide. Collusion? Noooo. Really? And. They want the
government to raise the level at which fracking must be suspended. Only a
matter of time, but surely we won’t know about it will we?
Latest discovery? Instead of the reported 100 years of beneficial fracking, it’s
10. Taking the high moral ground, “Cuadrilla is committed to open and
transparent operations.” Ohhh Harry. Where are you?
How can you not know about Conor Burns, the international trade minister?
Clue: his surname. One of Al/Boris’ “close allies” has been “cosying up” to pro-
deforestation Brazilian ministers. Quelle surprise. And a few details?
Champagne all round to celebrate “increasing trade and prosperity” between
Britain and Brazil. As you do as the eco-system of the entire earth is destroyed.
“Pass the bottle, Troyjo”. Troyjo being Brazil’s deputy economy minister whom
Burn called “superb”.
I know. I know. No more about Al/Boris! Weren’t H&MM enough? Al/Boris told
Sky News last night: “I’m going to go at it with a lot of oomph as you’d expect,
and I hope we’ll be making some progress in the course of the next few weeks.”
“Oomph”? “Oomph”? Really? So prime ministerial.
Then there was the shoe. Putting his foot in Macron’s face? OK. Metaphorically,
but the bottom of his shoe was on the small coffee table between them at the
Elysée Palace salon for only a few seconds, but the press took full advantage.
So prime ministerial. The press reported that Macron pointed to the floor. Boris
followed with "sorry" with a wave and laugh. So prime ministerial, Al. Waiting for
the other shoe to drop? If the shoe fits. The shoe is on the other foot. OK. OK. I
Back to Boris and his ‘gung-ho’ Brexit reality. “Boris Johnson is not telling the
truth about wanting to secure a new Brexit agreement and is instead "hell-bent
on getting no-deal", according to Ed Vaizey, a former Tory culture minister.
“The prime minister was ‘going through the motions’ in insisting that he wants the
UK to leave the EU with an exit deal. There was "no chance" of negotiating a
new deal with the EU.
While Tobias Ellwood, who was sacked by Al last month, said Al’s talks with
Macron and Merkel have been hailed as a ‘game changer’ by Tory MPs. Tory
Toby was more optimistic “than I ever have been since March that Britain would
leave the EU with a deal”. On Newsnight: “We saw here, both in Berlin and
indeed in Paris, a can-do attitude, a body language, a new rapport developing.”
Ah. That fantasy reality the conservatives inhabit.
Special Worker Relationship
Huh? You will be saying after reading this. What has The Don done now? When
visiting a plant in Pennsylvania, a Royal Dutch Shell factory last week workers
were reportedly told they would be paid less than their co-workers if they did not
attend – and naturally grovel bow kneel to their emperor, tsar, ruler. The possible
rebels, mutineers, insurrectionists were instructed not to protest against their
While attendance was optional - really? - contract workers who chose not to
stand in the crowd expressing their undying devotion to The Don would not
qualify for time-and-a-half pay. Workers were ‘paid extra’ to attend his speech.
Any possibly wayward workers were also banned from yelling, protesting or
“anything viewed as resistance”. Ah. Our ‘most important’ ‘special relationship’
fascist trade partner. Looking good.
Has anyone noticed is helmet ‘hair’ is looking more like that of a cartoon
character? Literally. How does he do that exactly?
Don’t Make Me Laugh
And they didn’t. 50 of the funniest jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe – mostly cringe
worthy. Ready? These are the better ones.
“I tell my friends I’m here for them 24/7 because it sounds better than saying I’m
only here for them the 24th of July”. Andy Field. Or. “Behind every successful
man is me trying to get his attention.” Lou Sanders.
OK. Better. “Jeremy Hunt has said he would lower the abortion limit to 12 weeks.
That’s funny because I’d raise it to whatever age Jeremy Hunt is.” Tiffany
“I look the wrong way when crossing the road so people think I just got back
from Paris.” Joe Sutherland. Possibly an obligatory smile…? And the winner
was – not my choice – “I keep randomly shouting at broccoli and cauliflower. I
think I might have florets.” Olaf Falafel (really). Laughing? I thought