|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
5 October 2019
|Lying in Wait
GASLIGHTING definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary: the action of
tricking or controlling someone by making them believe things that are not true
Urban Dictionary: gaslighting is "an increasing frequency of systematically
withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information.” Ah
Boris. Master of the method still using his Brexit manipulation placing the full
blame on the EU.
Moving on. 100 lies in 80 days. Quite an award winning record, Al. We all know
Al has said ONE thing and then ANOTHER regarding the backstop. OK. He says
this about everything doesn’t he? - but in ONE day! Oh if we must: when Al says
there can be no “backstop” he is really demanding that Brussels should fail to
notice the portal for smugglers and fraudsters sans the single market.
Oh yes, the fanatical Brexiteers say this problem can be solved: barcode
scanners, GPS trackers, discreet checks miles away from the border while the
EU keeps telling them they are wrong. Major clue: technology works for tracking
goods that have been declared under the rules. End of. A working customs
border needs enforcement, which means stopping shipments that break the
All Talk and No Trousers
Al says he has been “the model of restraint” in the language he has used in the
Brexit debate. As well as “the model of restraint” in thigh groping and in inner-
thigh groping? Oh yes. Well, it could have been much worse. Although surely
Al's modus operandi was so common that he couldn’t recall specific moments of
his wandering hands. He thinks it's "very sad" that Charlotte Edwardes would
make allegations against him…the luncheon he “couldn’t remember” at least
three times, but was certain he didn’t squeeze her thigh under the table. Oh
dearie me. Al has a problem remembering his “private life”. Well. Pretty much
everything else really.
While still in his denial mode, Al smirked when denying he had ever heard of
Naga Munchetty. While continuing on with his lack of any self-analysis, he told
Nick Robinson on BBC Today that he is a "generous-hearted, loving, caring ...
one-nation Tory". Claiming he’s still “the old, generous-hearted, loving” person
he’s always been. “To all those who wish to see the return of the old generous
hearted loving, caring Mayor of London, that person has not gone away.” Huh?
We are having a moment of collective memory loss here. This is the same man
who promised to be – the man with “big, generous instincts, who talked of One
Nation and said there was only a one-in-a-million chance of no deal”.
While using the dictionary: Duper n. a person who deceives or tricks someone.”
eg; “This is Boris Johnson talking about his new policy in “building 40 new
hospitals” – mouth curling and raised eyebrows are micro-expressions indicating
someone is lying. It’s called “dupers delight” this according to a post on
Facebook. Oh let’s try this one (of many). He said the Tories “wiped out the
national debt” – nearly doubled it from £950bn-£1.8tr
Zut alors!!! Jennifer Arcuri’s laptop containing personal details from her time with
Boris has been stolen! Hmm. Or possibly simply hidden? Friends say she is
terrified the information will be leaked. Personal information that naturally
includes emails, calendar dates and – oops – pictures. One friend of the 34-
year-old said: “Jennifer is extremely agitated and upset. But clearly not enough.
She has bragged that men fall in love with her in minutes, as she has launched
into a furious denial over claims she had a relationship with Al. This comes after
friends had claimed she told them she did have an affair with Al and they first
“got together” in a New York hotel. How much are we loving this? Then there was
a rambling expletive rebuttal saying their relationship was never sexual. No really.
The two certainly share an ability to get confused. OK. Lie.
Worth the wait. This is the best. Jenny added: “Men just trip over themselves in
front of me. As I said. “They fall in love with me in about 10 minutes… because I
know what to say. I make men trip over their d**ks. Ew! “That’s what happens.
They go insane around me. They’ve been doing it for years. It’s just what
happens.” Clearly no reality check here.
She admitted Al visited her home in Shoreditch but said: “If I was banging the
dude – aughhhh - and there was some kind of, like trail or sex tape, but there’s
nothing.” She labelled those persistent rumours of her affair with Al as “complete
It just never ends. She claims “some f***ing Labour government affairs dude”
and the Greater London Authority were behind the “smear”.
“d**ks…dudes…f***ing…bulls**t”. Oh dear. Surely there will be more to follow.
The odious Priti Patel opened the Conservative Party by declaring that it was
taking its “rightful place as the party of law and order once again.” That included
60 per cent of officers to be armed with tasers. Her message to anticipating,
anxious criminals? “We are coming after you.” Uh oh. All those Tories have
gone into hiding after that pronouncement. Nevertheless, polling was positive.
Despairing here. 72 per cent of British adults surveyed agreed with her. oh and
of course she is determined to "end the free movement of people once and for
all". Never the nasty party then….
The fascist fools, the Tory party that is, has gone from “remoaners”…”Remainer
elite”… to “betrayal, surrender, collusion”… to “traitors”. We are sooooo bored
with these bigoted Brexiteers.
Time for more hysterical hyperbole from the Conference. On the stage lounged
18thC Moggy, self-styled “hardman of Brexit” Steve Baker, and Andrea Jenkyns.
and it was Jenkyns who announced: “We’re at the cusp of a new golden age.
One in which “our language, our diplomacy, our armed forces” would secure
glory for the UK. Note: “glory”. “Boris Johnson is a prime minister with balls. But
if his government failed to deliver Brexit, then the country would be “emasculated
and humiliated”. Balls & glory. Just lovely. Not “emasculated and humiliated”
At the conference on video, Al is shown celebrating his speech by shaking
every hand as he moved along the rows of the fanatical party faithful, yet two
conspicuous omissions; two black devotees. He literally moved on. Hmm. Hard to
explain that, huh Al?
Possible spoiler alert. Fingers crossed here. The Queen has sought advice on
how to sack a prime minister before the Supreme Court ruling. She wanted to
know how and when she could have Boris dragged out by that intentionally
unkempt blond feature on his head if he refused to step aside. OK. Unparalleled.
Unprecedented. Best to be prepared.
But. It is believed that Al believes that if he chooses an illegal “no deal” Brexit,
rather than sack him outright, the Queen will call a general election – which is
exactly what he wants. He believes he would win, and then he would be able to
force through whatever he wants. You know this is and he is actually scary!
Who knew he had schemed all along to become a dictator and destroy the
democratic system? We do know. Be afraid. Be verrrry afraid…
So Sue Me
Hippie Harry? Hmm Harry. Barefooted Harry. Missing the beads, H. But perhaps
he’s waiting for us to collect the cash for them. A fleet of range rovers shipped to
So Africa? Oh Harry. Time to review your celebrity hippie code.
“Same powerful forces…” oh those. The very ones that have followed your every
barefoot step and reported on your eco-warrior in glowing terms? That sinister
force? Oh dear. What would H&MM do without all that attention, all those
accolades? Time to do it the American way. Sue. The Sun and the Mirror sued
for phone hacking. It is clearly possible to be cynical and sympathetic
simultaneously, but somehow it just doesn’t quite sit right.