| LETTERS FROM LONDON |
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| REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL 5 October 2019 |
| Lying in Wait GASLIGHTING definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary: the action of tricking or controlling someone by making them believe things that are not true Urban Dictionary: gaslighting is "an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information.” Ah Boris. Master of the method still using his Brexit manipulation placing the full blame on the EU. Moving on. 100 lies in 80 days. Quite an award winning record, Al. We all know Al has said ONE thing and then ANOTHER regarding the backstop. OK. He says this about everything doesn’t he? - but in ONE day! Oh if we must: when Al says there can be no “backstop” he is really demanding that Brussels should fail to notice the portal for smugglers and fraudsters sans the single market. Oh yes, the fanatical Brexiteers say this problem can be solved: barcode scanners, GPS trackers, discreet checks miles away from the border while the EU keeps telling them they are wrong. Major clue: technology works for tracking goods that have been declared under the rules. End of. A working customs border needs enforcement, which means stopping shipments that break the rules. Geddit? All Talk and No Trousers Al says he has been “the model of restraint” in the language he has used in the Brexit debate. As well as “the model of restraint” in thigh groping and in inner- thigh groping? Oh yes. Well, it could have been much worse. Although surely Al's modus operandi was so common that he couldn’t recall specific moments of his wandering hands. He thinks it's "very sad" that Charlotte Edwardes would make allegations against him…the luncheon he “couldn’t remember” at least three times, but was certain he didn’t squeeze her thigh under the table. Oh dearie me. Al has a problem remembering his “private life”. Well. Pretty much everything else really. While still in his denial mode, Al smirked when denying he had ever heard of Naga Munchetty. While continuing on with his lack of any self-analysis, he told Nick Robinson on BBC Today that he is a "generous-hearted, loving, caring ... one-nation Tory". Claiming he’s still “the old, generous-hearted, loving” person he’s always been. “To all those who wish to see the return of the old generous hearted loving, caring Mayor of London, that person has not gone away.” Huh? We are having a moment of collective memory loss here. This is the same man who promised to be – the man with “big, generous instincts, who talked of One Nation and said there was only a one-in-a-million chance of no deal”. While using the dictionary: Duper n. a person who deceives or tricks someone.” eg; “This is Boris Johnson talking about his new policy in “building 40 new hospitals” – mouth curling and raised eyebrows are micro-expressions indicating someone is lying. It’s called “dupers delight” this according to a post on Facebook. Oh let’s try this one (of many). He said the Tories “wiped out the national debt” – nearly doubled it from £950bn-£1.8tr Loved Up Zut alors!!! Jennifer Arcuri’s laptop containing personal details from her time with Boris has been stolen! Hmm. Or possibly simply hidden? Friends say she is terrified the information will be leaked. Personal information that naturally includes emails, calendar dates and – oops – pictures. One friend of the 34- year-old said: “Jennifer is extremely agitated and upset. But clearly not enough. She has bragged that men fall in love with her in minutes, as she has launched into a furious denial over claims she had a relationship with Al. This comes after friends had claimed she told them she did have an affair with Al and they first “got together” in a New York hotel. How much are we loving this? Then there was a rambling expletive rebuttal saying their relationship was never sexual. No really. The two certainly share an ability to get confused. OK. Lie. Worth the wait. This is the best. Jenny added: “Men just trip over themselves in front of me. As I said. “They fall in love with me in about 10 minutes… because I know what to say. I make men trip over their d**ks. Ew! “That’s what happens. They go insane around me. They’ve been doing it for years. It’s just what happens.” Clearly no reality check here. She admitted Al visited her home in Shoreditch but said: “If I was banging the dude – aughhhh - and there was some kind of, like trail or sex tape, but there’s nothing.” She labelled those persistent rumours of her affair with Al as “complete bulls**t”. It just never ends. She claims “some f***ing Labour government affairs dude” and the Greater London Authority were behind the “smear”. “d**ks…dudes…f***ing…bulls**t”. Oh dear. Surely there will be more to follow. Lock Down The odious Priti Patel opened the Conservative Party by declaring that it was taking its “rightful place as the party of law and order once again.” That included 60 per cent of officers to be armed with tasers. Her message to anticipating, anxious criminals? “We are coming after you.” Uh oh. All those Tories have gone into hiding after that pronouncement. Nevertheless, polling was positive. Despairing here. 72 per cent of British adults surveyed agreed with her. oh and of course she is determined to "end the free movement of people once and for all". Never the nasty party then…. The fascist fools, the Tory party that is, has gone from “remoaners”…”Remainer elite”… to “betrayal, surrender, collusion”… to “traitors”. We are sooooo bored with these bigoted Brexiteers. Time for more hysterical hyperbole from the Conference. On the stage lounged 18thC Moggy, self-styled “hardman of Brexit” Steve Baker, and Andrea Jenkyns. and it was Jenkyns who announced: “We’re at the cusp of a new golden age. One in which “our language, our diplomacy, our armed forces” would secure glory for the UK. Note: “glory”. “Boris Johnson is a prime minister with balls. But if his government failed to deliver Brexit, then the country would be “emasculated and humiliated”. Balls & glory. Just lovely. Not “emasculated and humiliated” already…. At the conference on video, Al is shown celebrating his speech by shaking every hand as he moved along the rows of the fanatical party faithful, yet two conspicuous omissions; two black devotees. He literally moved on. Hmm. Hard to explain that, huh Al? Fire Away Possible spoiler alert. Fingers crossed here. The Queen has sought advice on how to sack a prime minister before the Supreme Court ruling. She wanted to know how and when she could have Boris dragged out by that intentionally unkempt blond feature on his head if he refused to step aside. OK. Unparalleled. Unprecedented. Best to be prepared. But. It is believed that Al believes that if he chooses an illegal “no deal” Brexit, rather than sack him outright, the Queen will call a general election – which is exactly what he wants. He believes he would win, and then he would be able to force through whatever he wants. You know this is and he is actually scary! Who knew he had schemed all along to become a dictator and destroy the democratic system? We do know. Be afraid. Be verrrry afraid… So Sue Me Hippie Harry? Hmm Harry. Barefooted Harry. Missing the beads, H. But perhaps he’s waiting for us to collect the cash for them. A fleet of range rovers shipped to So Africa? Oh Harry. Time to review your celebrity hippie code. “Same powerful forces…” oh those. The very ones that have followed your every barefoot step and reported on your eco-warrior in glowing terms? That sinister force? Oh dear. What would H&MM do without all that attention, all those accolades? Time to do it the American way. Sue. The Sun and the Mirror sued for phone hacking. It is clearly possible to be cynical and sympathetic simultaneously, but somehow it just doesn’t quite sit right. |
