10 March 2014
'Like' Me...Please

Oh dear oh dear. PR master, I mean PM moron CallMeDave has been caught
up in his own PR spin...again.

Bad enough CMD was derided after tweeting that desperate totally transparent
and enormously embarrassing “I’m in with the pres...I’m his main man...his new
best friend” image of his (authentic?) phone call with Obama regarding Putin’s
desire for world domination via macho posturing. Did we miss his topless
photos holding a Kalashnicov? Putin that is.

Dave demonstrates his ‘I’m a significant world leader’ expression of concern
and self-importance accompanying his caption: “I’ve been speaking to Barack
Obama about the situation in Ukraine. We are united in condemnation of
Russia’s actions.” Really? Quelle surprise.

That was last week. This week CMD surpassed his ineffectual effort at being
cool. Dave buys Facebook friends.
The Mail on Sunday revealed Dave’s Tories
have spent thousands of pounds (at least £7,500) on advertising to coerce
followers to ‘like’ Dave’s page. Like Dave? Does anyone really like Dave?

Dave’s ‘likes’ increased from 47,000 to 127,000. Couldn’t be all those Tory toffs
clicking on could it? Labour MP Sheila Gilmore said: “It looks as if David
Cameron is buying popularity. There is no end to his ego, paying for fake
Facebook friends.” A Lib Dem insider said the strategy as “pretty pathetic”. The
Tories said such social media strategy was “common practice” among
businesses and American presidential candidates. Ah. Thus that tactical phone
call, Dave?

The question is: what will CallMeDave do to secure the next election? The
answer: anything. Oh Dave....

Baby Gap

“Baby? What baby?” Wills and Ex-Waity are off for fun and frolic, sand and
sun, lavishness and luxury. Surely a much deserved holiday after such an
enormous work schedule. Life as privileged royals can be so exhausting.
Shopping, hair appointments, boar and stag shooting....

W and Ex have decided to leave their 7 month old heir with her parents –
clearly to avoid a backlash. Too late. The perfect moderns have received much
criticism for obvious reasons.

Usually you are so in love with your new baby, you delight in all and every
progress no matter how seemingly insignificant, you miss him/her even if
you're separated for a few hours. Clearly not the case here, but then Baby
George was a compulsory component to Brand Windsor.

OK. Ignoring the lack of unreserved bonding, if you take a holiday, you take the
baby and the nanny. Simple. The Maldives (£7,000 per person per week
holiday package) hotel, Cheval Blanc Randheli, can surely accommodate two
extras. Weren’t they all in Mustique recently? So there was a practice-run;
nappies, naps, nanny, etc.

Mumsnet and Twitter were not best pleased. A blogger commented: “Well they
need a holiday – him to recover from the shooting holiday in Spain a couple of
weeks ago, and her to recover from the Mustique holiday last month. I think she
may even have put on a posh frock and ‘worked’ for a couple of hours in
between. No wonder they’re exhausted.”  Another peasant added: “These two
really piss me off.”

Says it all, n’est pas?

Blood Pressure

In an interview last year newsreader Susanna Reid told The Mirror : “If you cut
me open, I would bleed BBC.” So far no one has stepped up to this challenge,
particularly since Reid has suddenly quit her blood source.

Biting the hand that fed her paid off; she’s left the BBC and is reported to be
getting £1m to flirt, show off, shriek in the early morning on ITV.

Reid is known for her desperate attention-seeking on BBC’s
The Morning Show
and recently on BBC's
Strictly Come Dancing. Mercifully I only saw bits of her
ambitious antics to claim the crown, but dancing was clearly not her forte. The
BBC shamelessly promoted her. Clearly ITV was watching.

“An Obama-style use of social media and a lack of charm” was contestant
Fiona Fullerton’s view from the
Strictly dance floor of Brand Reid.

Reid is also infamous for her revealing and referencing her self-treasured
breasts. In competition with the interminably annoying self-regarding Lorraine
Kelly who has made a career out of hers? Reid announced that ‘women have
breasts, get over it’...really?...and she determinedly exposed them in low-cut
tops. And here I thought the morning programme was presented to focus on
news, interviews, the weather? Apparently not. Silly me.

The two self-promoters will not be sitting next to each other in revealing
sequined evening gowns on the sofa when Reid moves to the new and
‘improved’ (ha) ITV breakfast programme. Kelly gets her own, very own ‘oh-let-
me-interrupt-you-continuously-to-talk-about-myself’ show following Reid. Now
that will be a show to avoid.

So Reid has decided to forego the blood test to defect to present ITV’s
Morning Britain
(a throwback to1983 when ITV first announced their morning
wake-up call). Her co-presenter, the amiable Ben Shepherd will be eaten alive
or at least drained of all blood.

Much to my dismay, I saw Reid’s last BBC performance...and it was quite the
performance. I thought she might roll off the sofa, jump on the guest, shriek
loud enough to cause alarm, froth at the mouth when American actor, whatever,
was there to flog his new film while doing an unrelenting 10 minutes of “I’m the
greaaaaaaaaaaaatest” a la Muhammed Ali. God it was beyond irritating, but
Reid was besotted. She told him he was the best...or was it exciting...oh fill in
the blank – guest they had ever had on the BBC. What an idiot – both of them.

Look forward to hair-tossing, sycophantic selfies on the sofa and naturally a
few high kicks. Set your alarm for 6am.
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