LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
20 July 2014
Lightning Strikes Twice...And Thrice...And

Yikes! 33,000 lightning strikes, hail, thundering thunder, torrential downpours,
the most dramatic electrical storm in decades and it was thrilling.

This drama all due to – surprise, surprise – summer. Not a typical British
summer of boots and anoraks. Oh no. It’s all flip flops and T-shirts, packed
parks and beaches. It’s hot. It’s sunny. It’s summer. Fab.

Days of predicted darkening skies resulting from proper summer temperatures,
causing travel disruption at London's Heathrow Airport. 20 per cent of flights
were cancelled for a two-hour period.

The public were warned not to step outside. No. Really. We could melt.
Temperatures of 32.3C (90F) and sunny. Heaven, not hell. If you were under
the weather (sorry, but), too old, too poorly, too infirmed, too frail, too young,
no vitamin D for you.

Waking or sleeping, the public were warned. Night time temperatures could be
17C (62F) making sleeping rather uncomfortable. Really. Trust me; not a
problem.

A forecaster persuaded us that life is good; it is likely to be very warm for all of
next week as well: “By Tuesday there will be highs of 28C (82.4F) in the South
East. And on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday it will possibly be up to 30C
(86F) in the South East.” So it’s a yes then.

Tents at the ready in the garden, all windows open, duvets stuffed in the
wardrobe, queues for ice cream: smiles all round.


"Just Popping To The Loo"

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Surely this was some sort of cosmic joke – or a
puerile prank. Poor demoted, often labelled demented, minus £33,000 in his
salary packet, obsessed ex-Education Secretary, Michael Gove found himself
in a rather curious position his first day in the job – and that wasn’t as new
Chief Whip – but stuck in a lavatory.

Shadow Commons leader Angela Eagle told the House: "I'd like to welcome Mr
Gove... he hasn't had the most auspicious of starts. Yesterday, he not only lost
his first vote but he managed to get stuck in the toilet.” Did she mean literally? A
group of irate teachers seeking revenge shoved Gove’s head in the toilet?

If you’ve been hiding from the ubiquitous surveillance system and missed PM
CallMeDave’s pathetic attempt to win over the UKIP/ultra right wing voting public
with a ridiculously transparent Cabinet reshuffle Australian spin master (really?
master?) Lynton Crosby deviously devised, Dave’s ‘old-best-friend’ Gove was
offered up as a sacrifice.

But what to do with 1/3 of all schools now academies? Clearly the
fundamentalist schools, Muslim, Jewish, Christian are considered breeding
ground for extremism and possibly terrorism. Science, music, dance, evolution,
clapping banned, everyone not part of these extreme sects are the evil enemy.
Quelle mess he’s left.

CMD announced his government now represented modern Britain: 5 white
women and 31white men. Oh Dave. Get out more. My god this man is not only
pathetically ruthless, disloyal, dishonest, work-shy, thick but worst; he believes
his own spin. Scary.

So where was Dave exactly when Gove was banging on the lavatory door?
“Dave! Dave! Don’t abandon me now! Dave! Can you hear me? Are you
listening?” Sorry, MG, your best friend, Dave is handing out knighthoods,
honours and big international jobs to the dismissed. Except for you.  


Bloody Hell

While in my local market I picked up a packet of long red peppers. Ah 2 for £3.
About to pop them in my basket, I noticed: product of Israel. I debated. Hmmm.
Should I lob them like projectiles at a passing child under five? Perhaps not.
No. I simply tossed them back with the others in revulsion. I looked to see if I
had blood on my hands.
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